


Cardan's POV

by K_lila



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fae & Fairies, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Love, POV Cardan Greenbriar, Romance, Sex, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 72,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23761474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_lila/pseuds/K_lila
Summary: Chapters from Cardan’s POVI just needed to put into words what I imagine Cardan would have said or done, hopefully achieving at least 1/10th of what Holly Black's talent would have achieved by doing so.I added some of the dialogue into quotes from that chapter, in order to be as faithful to the book as I can
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 212
Kudos: 411





	1. Chapter 25 TCP

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 25 of The Cruel Prince, from Cardan's POV
> 
> When Cardan is made prisoner of Jude, and some certain feelings need to be dealt with

"Sit down."

I sit.  
I’m really afraid. And ashamed.  
I guess I always knew she hated me, but never to the end of doing harm. Now? Not so sure. She looks kind of wild, even more than before. Her eyes have a special shine that I don’t particularly like. She’s always been on the wild side, but now she looks a little bit out, maybe scared? What ever will she do with me? I didn’t believe her as dangerous as now I know she is, a spy? Never occurred, less to my brother. Balekin was a monster, but at least he didn’t try to hide who he was. Dain? Not so much. He played very well. What had he offered her? And now that he’s dead, where does that leave her… and me?  
I try not to smile. My nervous laugh. I try to sit up straight. But my head aches, my body hurts, am I hangover o am I drunk? Don’t know. Wish I hadn’t drink too much or maybe not so little in order to handle this conversation. To handle her… She makes me nervous.

Then I notice the crossbow. Fuck. She points it at me. No. Not by her. Not now. There’s so much that I want to do, maybe…

"You’re going to shoot me? Right now?"

She looks fearless. Her finger on the trigger. She could shoot. Will she? What would she gain? Did she hate me so? No. She must see that this doesn’t benefit either of us. 

"I can see why you’d want to, But I’d really prefer if you didn’t."

Smirked? I didn’t, I’m just nervous, especially because of her. Did she thought I was mocking her? Maybe I did, some of the time, but not always. Not now. Her voice trembled. Could she be afraid? Of me? Of everything? Why? I hold up my hands  
I need to tell her so. To explain. Or I’m going to end up dead. 

"I’m nervous, I smile a lot when I’m nervous. I can’t help it "

"You are terrifying. Nearly my whole family is dead, and while they never had much love for me, I don’t want to join them. I’ve spent all night worrying what you’re going to do, and I know exactly what I deserve. I have a reason to be nervous."

Is it working? At least her eyes don’t look like a crazy human. I need to keep speaking.

"I’ll tell you whatever you want. Anything."

No word games? Of course not! Who does she think I am? I’m not stupid.

"I swear it."  
"And if I shoot you anyway?"  
"You might well. But I want your word that you won’t."

A human promise might as well be worthless, but I must try.

"My word isn’t worth much "  
"So you keep saying. It’s not comforting, I’ve got to tell you."

Curiously, she laughs. But with that, the crossbow moves, and I can feel my wretched heart beating fiercely. It lives, amazingly. One move and it’s the end of me. I never did believe that I’d want to live as much as I want now. 

Finally, that damn weapon is put on the floor. And I can release all the air I was holding, subtly, so she doesn’t know how much power she has over me. 

"You tell me whatever I want to know—all of it—and I won’t shoot you."  
"And what can I do to persuade you not to turn me over to Balekin and Madoc?"

I need to do something. She looks so decided. First time she looks at me without waving, without blinking, all her attention on me. My heart starts beating again really fast. Traitorous thing. I’m almost murdered by her, and the stupid thing won’t stop acting foolish.  
I shrug. Trying to recover.

"What do you want to know?"

A piece of paper…? Oh, no. No. I won’t answer that. I can’t.  
My mind is reeling, what to say? my hands get so cold, shaking, how did she find out about that? Where? Where has she been? It was in a book. How? Unconsciously, I flinch. What the hell? What is this girl? How can she know about that? 

Good luck explaining that, Cardan. I can almost hear Locke’s voice.

"That’s not a question. Ask me a proper question, and I’ll give you an answer."

Oh hell, not the crossbow again. I really don’t want to tell her that. 

"Just ask me something. Ask about my tail. Don’t you want to see it?"

I know she knows about my tail. Her sister saw It. I’m not too naïve to believe they don’t talk about me. Specially that detail. But I know she is curious. She must be. Humans are predictable like that. Someone even told me it was cute. 

Locke. Of course. How not to care about him when he’s always getting in trouble. Interfering. Yes. Something I can share. 

"Oh, I wondered when you would ask about that. It was some months ago. He told us all about it—throwing stones at her window, leaving her notes to meet him in the woods, wooing her by moonlight. He swore us to silence, made it all seem like a lark. I think, in the beginning, he did it to make Nicasia jealous. But later…"  
"How did he know it was her room? "

Yes. How did he indeed? I used to ask myself the same question. I believe he didn’t know and didn’t care. The bastard.

"Maybe he didn’t. Maybe either of you would have done as his first mortal conquest. I believe his goal is to have both of you in the end."

As much as it hurts me to say, I don’t want to give her hope… If only she’d be smarter than her sister and get away from him. He has always liked playing games, and more so if humans are involved. Can she really be that stupid and fall for him after all the mess with her sister?

Me.  
What about me? Do I like Locke? Absolutely not.

"Locke hasn’t gotten around to seducing me yet, if that’s what you’re asking. I suppose I should be insulted."

Ah. Gossip. Yes. Nicasia. I saw her talking to her. Locke stole her from me, but little did I know, that It ended up better for me. Now I know what I really want. Or what I shouldn’t want.

"Did you love her?"  
"What kind of question is that?"

Hate this. Hate being so vulnerable in front of her, but have no choice. 

"I want to know."  
"Yes"

I loved her. She was, is, my friend I suppose. But I do not want her, at least not know. 

"Why do you want me dead?"

Why do I want her dead? I don’t think I do. But I have. Sometimes. At least I thought I wanted to, that I’d regain some peace of mind, not hating her, dreaming about her. A mere human invading my thoughts. If Balekin knew it, I’d be tortured for being weak. Humiliated. But I can’t seem to control it. She does something to me. Seeing her at that party made me desperate, desperate to free her, to get her out of there, I was so scared. A human in all that massacre, specially her. I knew I had to get closer and get her out, little did I know I’d ended up her prisoner. Oh, the irony.  
I don’t think I could live in a world where she doesn’t exist. What would I do?  
Wow…That last thought really does scare me. A prince needing a human?  
I release my breath. I need to know what to say, what to do, and just having her around confuses me.

"You mean with the nixies? You were the one who was thrashing around and throwing things at them. They’re extremely lazy creatures, but I thought you might actually annoy them into taking a bite out of you. I may be rotten, but my one virtue is that I’m not a killer. I wanted to frighten you, but I never wanted you dead. I never wanted anyone dead."

Specially her. Not her, dead. I waited and waited for her to get up that time with the nixies, damn human so weak… I almost save her and ended up giving myself away in front of her, my friends. Oh and with Valerian, that asshole. She almost choke. Such a stupid move. And to prove what? If he knew I’m her prisoner he’d mocked me endlessly.

Why is she looking at me like that? What did I say? 

What? Valerian tried to murder her, again? She touches her clothes and immediately I felt my heart flutter. Get a grip, Cardan. There she shows me some bruises, hand marks, and I can feel my anger rise. How did he dare to do that? What if the wounds are greater than they seem? Deeper? Are there some more? I can heal her… and suddenly found myself getting up and trying to touch her. Oh. Crossbow. Sitting, sitting. Calm down. 

"Valerian liked pain. Anyone’s. Mine, even. I knew he wanted to hurt you. And he had. I thought he’d be satisfied with that."

"So it doesn’t matter that Valerian wanted to hurt me?. So long as he wasn’t going to kill me."

I fought him. Hard. But that seemed to rile him up even more into hurting her. Just like Locke, they liked knowing my weaknesses. And sometimes I liked that. I liked it when she was hurting, that she knew I had that power. That I could control her. That I could affect her, just as she does with me. Every night. Every dream. Every word. Although she doesn’t know it.

"You have to admit, being alive is better"  
"Just tell me why you hate me. Once and for all"

Admitting that is defeat. I can’t. Oh. That damned crossbow. What do I think? That I’m screwed. Fuck. I can’t lie. And I don’t want to die. But I can give her half a truth. The part that suits me. She won’t know. My pride will hurt less.

"I hate you because your father loves you even though you’re a human brat born to his unfaithful wife, while mine never cared for me, though I am a prince of Faerie. I hate you because you don’t have a brother who beats you. And I hate you because Locke used you and your sister to make Nicasia cry after he stole her from me. Besides which, after the tournament, Balekin never failed to throw you in my face as the mortal who could best me."

A human making me confess how little I think of me. New low. And her. Who does she think she is? 

"Is that all?"

Of course. That’s what I’ll tell.

"Because it’s ridiculous. You can’t be jealous of me. You don’t have to live at the sufferance of the same person who murdered your parents. You don’t have to stay angry because if you don’t, there’s a bottomless well of fear ready to open up under you."

She does suffer. She has fear. But she undermines me. A prince? Being ridiculous? What does she know of my life? A mere human understanding my life, my years, my suffering…

"Oh, really? I don’t know about being angry? I don’t know about being afraid? You’re not the one bargaining for your life."  
"That’s really why you hate me? Only that? There’s no better reason?"

The fuck if I’ll tell her. I don’t hate her, or maybe I do. I don’t know! What should I say then? Let her see how confusing is everything, how confusing is her to me? I can’t, I won’t recognize how much does her presence affect me.  
But If I do tell her, maybe everything will end. Maybe I’ll be free once and for all, once I see her disgust for me. Maybe I’ll actually accept my defeat. My shame. To get it out and not having to deal with her, to write time and time again her stupid name, and just dealing with the looks I’ll get. Maybe then Locke will end his mockery. I’ll just get drunk and…  
Why does she keep looking at me like that? It shouldn’t be this way. I should be asking questions, not her.  
The crossbow. Again.

"well? Tell me!"

"Most of all, I hate you because I think of you. Often. It’s disgusting, and I can’t stop."

Nope. Wrong. I can’t deal with her look. It’s worse than I thought. Her eyes are judging me. Her posture. Is she in shock? Am I so disgusting? Just shoot me. Hell. I cover my face. I feel nauseated. 

She spoke. I didn’t hear her. I can’t listen. My heart is beating so fast, my skin burns. I just can’t handle this anymore. If I must, I’ll die. I won’t be humiliated again.  
Then a blade is at my chin.  
What the hell? She forces me to look at her. Oh my, I’ll die after this embarrassment. I don’t want to see her rejection. Just then I feel her breath at my face. I’m forced to look at her. To look at her eyes. Her brown eyes, with some speck of gold and one darker than the other, with her perfect curved eyelashes, and freckles in her cheeks. She is getting closer, is she…? Her lips are so plump, and pink, and the smell is so different from fairies, much more intense, not so sweet, but almost like a flower. Her eyes are so deep, her pupils dilated fixated on my mouth. I can feel her warmth, and I can feel my heart thumping in my chest, wanting to break free. My mouth is dry, and I’m almost out of breath when I hear her. I see her lips moving.

"You really do want me, and you hate it."

What?  
And there it is. I’m 100% certain I’m dead. That blade must have come through my skin. If not, how come I can feel Jude Duarte’s lips on mine?  
Her lips are so warm, soft, and they are begging me to kiss her back. How can I know how her lips feel? A dream? Or maybe I died and went to some sort of heaven humans spoke of, because why would I remember Jude then? but suddenly, she shudders. What? Is she here? is this real? And then lifting my hand I feel her, her clothes, her skin and my body decides to take over. I do not dare to open my eyes, I want to go on. I want to learn everything about her. Feel her some more. Why is she so far away? I pull her to me and I start worshipping her mouth, one lip and then the other, savoring the flavor, and I dare push my tongue just to taste her, and she allows it and I’m in heaven. I want to have everything. I want to die here.  
My hands have a brain of them own and start caressing her hair, while my tongue invades her mouth, her smart mouth, and I can hear her moaning. Out of breath. I feel her hands in my chest, in my arms, pulling my shirt, my hair. I almost have her sitting at my lap. I want to have her, I want her. I need her. 

But then a sound wakes me up. And I’m alive. I open my eyes.  
She’s in front of me. Red cheeks, hair is a mess, her lips still plump.  
The knife is on the table. I didn’t even remember the knife. Didn’t feel it. I can’t believe it. I laugh. How come I’m so blinded by a human? How?  
She moves away. I miss her already. Her perfume is in my skin, her saliva still in my lips.  
I’d never imagined this. To be reciprocated. She wants me. Almost as bad as I want her. 

"Is that what you imagined?"  
No. My dreams are mine. More begging but from her, less from me. 

"No"  
"Tell me"  
"Unless you’re really going to stab me, I think I won’t. And I might not tell you even if you were going to stab me."

I’m hot. I’m drunk. On her. I want her. Oh fuck. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I need to regain some control. Some distance. I can’t behave like this. She almost killed me.

"I am going to make a proposal"  
I do.  
"Get up."

Her voice is deeper. She is affected. Little did she know it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I won't fall for her again. I think.

"So you’re not worried I’m going to run for it?"  
Yes. Regaining some dignity.

"After our kiss, I am such a fool over you that I can hardly contain myself. All I want to do is nice things that make you happy. Sure, I’ll make whatever bargain you want, so long as you kiss me again. Go ahead and run. I definitely won’t shoot you in the back."

Is she for real? Oh, human. Lies. My heart just dropped. Traitor.

"Hearing you lie outright is a bit disconcerting."

She opens the door and that’s when I know my one and only chance with her is over. I don’t think I’ll be able to get some sleep. Maybe I’ll can convince the roach to play some more. Or get drunk. Or both. I stand by a wall and try to relax. My legs are shaking. She can’t know. Though I can see she is as affected as I am, the only difference is she can get out of here. Yes. Better. I also need to calm myself. My heart still won’t slow down. I sat down and take the deck of cards. 

She’s leaving. Will she be okay? Oh, What? Why do I care? Those lips... I look at her and she looks me back. Her eyes darken while looking at me.  
That’s when I know this is just beginning, and I can’t wait.  
\-----------------------------------------------------


	2. chapter 29 TCP Cardan's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Cardan got to be king. Cardan's POV
> 
> Again tried to be as faithful to the book and to Cardan's spirit as much a I can. Hope I can do Holly Black proud.

Chapter 29

I’d never would have guessed I’d ended up taking Jude Duarte to a party. Less in Hollow Hall. And to a coronation. From this day on I’ll be free, and maybe I can try and live better. She’ll obviously be here, with her brother taking the throne and all, she’ll be the one who’d like to guide him. I can’t imagine what would it be like having all that power.

Shudders. 

"My door"

It’s strange. Just the mere fact that it recognizes me comforts me. Even if it’s only a door.  
Of course, Jude just looks at me like I’m pathetic. Maybe I am. But the fact remains, **it is my door**. I tuck her arm and stride away into battlefield. 

People stare at me while I walk, and I don’t know if it’s because they thought I’d be dead, or if it’s because they thought I’d be hiding still. Some stare at Jude. And at that, I feel a tug in my stomach: something between pleasure because she is with me, and pure hatred because I know they are asking why is she with me. Little did they know she is the mastermind of the future kingdom. 

I look at her, her green gown brings out her brown golden eyes, watching everything; her hair flowing, shifting with the lights, sometimes golden, sometimes brown, so shiny I have to fight not to play with it. I manage just in time to turn my head before she catches me looking at her.  
Looking royal like the prince I am, I keep my face straight, a little smile here, a smirk there, trying to seem displeasing but mysterious, while all the time my entire focus is simply on her. But she doesn’t know it.

What the hell happened to me? Yes, I’ve been asking the same. Somewhere in between being prisoner and now being offered everything I’ve always wanted, I allowed myself to acknowledge that I do like her. I need her. Almost like wine. I’ve been having dreams, more and more about that kiss. And it’s almost impossible to control my unyielding desire to touch her. That time at the clearing. I was so helpless, making that promise and watching her leave. 

"_So I am to sit here and feed you information, leaning against a hickory tree. And you’re to go charm royalty? That seems entirely backward._"

_Why would I let her go alone? That’s ridiculous._

"_I can be charming. I charmed you, didn’t I ?_" _she answers._

_Understatement.  
I do my best to keep my face blank. Nonetheless, she stares at me, and I get a flashback of the kiss, and can’t help looking at those lips. My breath hitched._

"_Do not expect others to share my depraved tastes._"

_She doesn’t react._

"_I am going to command you. Okay ?_"

_Not. Of course not. I can feel my lip twitch._  
_She commands me and I’m at awe. She’s better than I thought, and even more dangerous than I believed._

"_That is not too poorly done_"

_I proceed to tell her what she wanted to know. And when I see her lifting up, I can’t control myself and grab her by the wrist. I don’t want to let her go, to put herself at risk, and again I’m surprised by my actions. My pride has surrender to my fears. Of losing her._

"_Take care, it would be very dull to have to sit here for an entire day just because you went and got yourself killed._"

"_My last thoughts would be of your boredom_"

_A shudder goes through me at hearing her words._

_And at that I see her disappearing in the shadows and feel the immediate loneliness of the place. I can still smell her. What has happened to me? when I became so weak? When did Jude Duarte became so important as to care if she lives or dies?_  
_At that I feel her, rather than see her, moving below. She has returned. I lay down in the grass and try to appear as unaffected as I possibly can. I look at her, she doesn’t seem to be wounded, but how come it took so little? Could it be that she, dare I say it, failed? I try not to smile._

"_I didn’t even get to talk to her_"

_She sits down next to me and that wonderful smell comes through my nostrils. I turn towards her with the moonlight giving her an almost godly look, almost fairy-like. I’m at awe._

"_Then you did something wrong_" _my voice hoarse_

_I answer like someone glamoured. Almost like a hush, almost out of breath. Our surroundings blurred, creating an atmosphere where I can see no one but her. Almost like everything is permitted._  
_Incredibly, she lies beside me, not even aware of the effect she’s having on me. She looks at the stars and I almost wish being one of them._

"_Fine. If you were me, whom would you apply to?_"

_I inch a little closer, and she doesn’t seem to notice._

_"Lord Roiben and the Alderking’s son, Severin."_

_She looks at me, finally, and seems surprised at the short distance between us, but she doesn’t move away. She stares at me. Like many times I’ve caught her doing in the last days, and don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t trust me or something else. I dare to extend my hand, slowly, like I would do with a cat._

"_But they’re not part of the High Court. They haven’t sworn to the crown_" _She speaks low._  
"_Exactly_" _I answer._

_I touch her and exhale really slowly, looking at her face, feeling my own body react. Everything about her seems so different. Her ear amazes me, so round, so petite. How come something so rude and violent can have such a fragility? I keep moving my hand slowly, as if not to scare her, and descend to her neck where I can feel her pulse beating faster, is she scared? Her eyes are closed and she’s breathing heavily._

_"They have less to lose and more to gain throwing in with a plan that some might call treason. Severin reportedly …"_

_Even I am amaze that I can keep speaking something remotely sane while touching her.  
_ _I wonder at her face, her pink lips, her mouth reacts opening up a bit, her breath comes out heavy, her eyes are closed and I see her cheeks reddening, some tendrils of her hair floats through her face, giving her an almost ethereal look. My fingers slowly slide to her shoulder and at that I see her chest moving. And like a dream, I wake up and found myself almost on top of her, our knees just centimeters apart, just like our faces, to the extent of almost feeling each other breaths._  
_I withdraw my hand fast, feeling boundaries crossed._

"_As for Lord Roiben…_"

And my mind returns to Hollow Hall. To the moment at hand. To Jude at my side. How would it be if Jude were always by my side? I look at her surreptitiously and she’s watching Balekin with Queen Orlagh.  
He’s coming our way. I’m going to need some wine. 

"Little brother, I’ve sought high and low for you."  
"Doubtless so. I turned out to be useful after all. What a terrible surprise."  
"And you," says Balekin to Jude. 

Balekin starts talking to her and I can’t avoid feeling agitated. I don’t want them close. At that Madoc appears. He looks every bit the villain of the story he is. Dangerous as his daughter. 

"I hope you’re intending to reward my daughter. I am sure it took no small amount of persuasion to bring him here". 

I dislike him profusely. To abduct humans, his dead wife’s children, only to submit them to this world. I don’t believe one word he says. At first, I actually believe he cared for them, to the extent of being jealous of her, but now I believe he sees them like his prey, like a pet to take care of, in order to never actually believe they deserve better.  
And what did he thought Jude deserve? Does this mean differently to Balekin? 

"I will give her anything she asks for and more," says Balekin once more. 

Then Jude grabs two glasses of wine out of nowhere and offers them to Madoc. Poison? For sure. But how does she know which is what? 

"To the future of Faerie, " says Jude, tapping the globes. 

How not to worry about Jude Duarte? Impossible. She drinks one and immediately I see how her eyes change.  
What is she doing?  
I need some wine myself. I drink one glass, fast.  
How to control Balekin? How to manage Madoc? And worse, how to manage how I feel about Jude without ruining everything? 

I speak some with Balekin, until I grab the bottle and just drink from it. 

"The power is in your hands", his voice is full of menace. 

The threat in there is evident. Hope everything goes as plan. And if it isn’t, I’ll be as drunk as possible.  
Enough of this. 

"After dinner, I will tell you my terms, but until then, I am going to enjoy the party"  
"I do not have endless patience, " Balekin growls  
"Cultivate it"

Fuck him. I take Jude by the waist and moves us to another place at the Hall, finding ourselves standing next to Nicasia. She looks at me strange, then puts both her hand in my chest. I look at her surprised. 

"Where have you been? " she asks. 

I don’t need to explain myself to her. Specially not when Jude Duarte is around. But I sort of do. 

"Jude here made me her prisoner" I decide to say. Yes. Some mockery. Although the irony of the phrase is not lost on me. I’m her prisoner in so many ways. 

"She ties very tight knots."

I look at her. 

"Good thing you finally managed to slip her bonds, " Nicasia says. 

"Did I?"

Ha. They seem tighter than ever. And with no date of expiration. 

"Must you be like this, even now?" Nicasia asks. Then she touches me. 

Before, she was the only one beside me. Before the mess with Locke. Before Jude Duarte.  
She stood by me, has always been there. Now, I need to send her away in order to protect her. I can’t speak more. 

"Nicasia, stay away from me tonight. For your own sake."

And I leave, with Jude by my side. Luckily, she doesn’t follow us. We must carry on. I risk one look at Jude and find her staring at Locke and Taryn. Unconsciously, I found myself tightening my hold on Jude. Second guessing everything. Could she be jealous? Would she prefer to be with him?  
Ugh.  
Not. Enough. wine. 

"Part one completed,"she murmurs. " We got here, got in, and are not yet in chains."  
"Yes, I believe the Roach called that ‘the easy bit'."

She slips from me, suddenly. 

"Don’t go anywhere alone", she says. 

Like I could. And go where? And where is she going?  
Oh. The Plan. Yes.  
Great, Balekin will keep me company. 

He appears the moment she goes away and stirs me to Severin, to have a chat.  
Right. Surprise, surprise, what will we talk about?  
Territory, threats; regain titles, threats; honor, threats; respect, threats and war.  
Balekin remarks how good a king he’ll be, he narrates his victories, his fights, his great power, and how he’s the only one able to rule. How I am a useless brat, selfish and indolent, and that I’m a danger because of the prophecy to everyone and everything. Lucky me.  
Well, certainly that’s a way to get my support. Humiliating me. I smile.  
Severin looks at me, confusion in his face. I wonder what Jude told him.  
I smile trying to contain everything I feel towards my big brother. How could he expect even for one minute I’d support him? The beating, the constant humiliation, I think I’d prefer to die than crowning him King.  
I begged Jude Duarte, but not him.  
Yes, he took me into his house, but I might as well could have been his prisoner in a really nice cell, but a prisoner nonetheless. Even an enemy.  
Balekin catches me smiling, and puts his arms around me, almost like a fraternal gesture, but I can feel him squeezing my shoulder to the point of numbness. I barely even move. Years of doing the same, learning that it only makes it worse. He likes knowing how powerful he is. So, I try to stay as still as I can. It ends after some minutes, when Severin talks about eating.  
We go near the table and to our seats.  
Food being served, people talking, smiling, like everything is normal. But nothing is. I need something more than this, I need to get away. I don’t want to enjoy death or beatings, I don’t want to have slaves, I don’t want to torture people just to get what I want. I need more. There must be another world where I can be free. I need this to be over. 

I try to find Jude, and found her talking to Locke. Of course. I smile, bitterly. He is touching her, smiling at her, and I can’t help feel a pang at my chest. The same questions than before. Could she still feel something for him? Would she accept him if he asked her so? Had she prefer being with him here rather than me? But what about our kiss? She can lie, can’t she? but I would have bet she felt something.  
So sick of second guessing myself. I’m a Prince. When did I get so pathetic?  
That lying human.  
I take a sip of my wine. 

After some minutes, she comes and sits next to me and can’t help feeling annoyed. Feeling betrayed. And here I was believing she was doing something important and all the time she was with Locke. 

"There you are, how has the night been going for you? Mine has been full of dull conversations about how my head is going to find itself on a spike."

She looks pale, sweating and maybe a little green. And does she have a bruise at her jaw? Maybe I was too hasty in judging her.  
Lying human.  
Where has she been? And with whom, Locke’s not hurt. I see no one hurt at the party. And she must have won, or else she wouldn’t be here. 

"Have I told you how hideous you look tonight? " I ask.

She momentarily looks taken aback. 

"No, Tell me, " She says.  
"I cannot. Jude? There’s a bruise coming up on your jaw."  
"I’m fine,"

Worrying about her has become a full-time job, her being mortal and all. I really should have drunk some more. But couldn’t. Not if I wanted to move. 

And right on time, it begins: movement in the Hall. An explosion. 

I can’t help extend my arm to protect her. Like the little lying mortal needed some. Luckily, a black bolt flies in front of me and hides my weakness. And then another. I try not to move like we planned, but at that instant I see Jude’s face looking at me, frightened, she extends her arms towards me and in that I feel myself being knocked out by Balekin to the floor. Shielding me. My head got smacked to the floor, I get dizzy and felt him breathing in front of me with crazy eyes looking around the room. He protected me with violence. Like he’s always done. And though I’m grateful, I don’t think I could stand it one more minute. He did it only to protect his own interest, I’m not naïve enough to believe he did it for some kind of love for me.  
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.  
He moves away. I try to stand and as I do I look at him while he’s watching how the crown is being thrown at… Taryn.  
What?  
No, no, no, no.  
Balekin orders her to give him the crown. If she agrees, we’re all dead.  
That’s when the most amazing thing happens, Lord Roiben interrupts. The Ghost is aiming at Taryn, while she seems like a scary little sheep watching the wolves surround her. Jude is slowly getting near her, while Balekin is just an inch of exploding.  
Then Queen Orlagh speaks. Even she doubts Balekin. 

"It certainly piqued my interest. You seem to have lost your general somewhere as well. Your rule hasn’t even formally begun, but it certainly appears chaotic, "says Lord Roiben 

Ahh. That’s who Jude fought with. 

Jude is now in front of Taryn, she extends her arms and the crown is now with her. And at that my heart begins fluttering rapidly. She’s now the most wanted person in the room. 

"Prince Cardan, this is for you."

I start walking to her. People let me pass, clearly surprised, while trying to hide how nervous I am for her, for me, trying to get as fast as I can without being too obvious. Balekin shouts, draws his blade, Jude pulls out her sword and the Ghost shoots my brother’s hand. 

"Cardan, " Balekin calls. " I know you. I know that you’d prefer I did the difficult work of ruling while you enjoyed the power. I know that you despise mortals and ruffians and fools. Come, I have not always danced to your piping, but you haven’t the stomach to truly cross me. Bring me the crown."

I look at him. Hurting. Sweating. Bleeding. Yet, even that, doesn’t stop him from humiliating me once more. What will?  
I smile. 

"Bring me the crown, Cardan,"  
"No, brother. I do not think that I will. I think that if I did not have another reason to cross you, I would do it for spite."

I turn around and see Jude’s brother in front of me. 

"Show Oak, "Jude whispers to me. " Show him what he’s supposed to do. Kneel down."  
"They’re going to think—"

What? Show him? Surely, he knows. 

"Just do it, "she whispers. 

Damn mortal. To be commanded by one. And to have to obey. I really need to check my priorities. 

"See? Now the crown" Kneeling, to the little person. "Phase four, I murmur."

So close to freedom. Come on, little one. 

"For the next full minute, I command you not to move", Jude whispers. 

And that’s how everything went to shit. I knew something was wrong the minute I heard that command. But couldn’t move. My heart beats faster than ever before, I’m actually sweating, I can feel my mouth dry. Something is not right. 

I’ve heard of people dying, and watching their lives goes by as they die. I’m a fairy, our life is pretty long, so logically, I didn’t believe in that, until now. I could see myself living on a faraway land, having wealth, beauty and freedom. Without being hit at, mocked at, without having to defend myself at every step. Maybe visiting Jude, maybe not. I hadn’t decided. Or how to make her visit me. I’d imagine never having to step a foot in this hall again. Being able to sleep without the fear of being poisoned. Maybe having a lover or two. Dancing freely. Maybe not seeing a human never again. Or maybe seeing one, once or twice a year. Not being submitted. Being free, not being Prince Cardan, maybe just Cardan. Smiling, but not because of fear, but because I’m happy. Drinking, but of happiness, and not to hide away the pain. 

Until I felt the crown at my head. 

"I crown you." Oak’s little-kid voice is uncertain "King. High King of Faerie."

Fuck. 

20 seconds.  
10 seconds  
1 second. 

I slowly rise to my feet without taking my eyes out of Jude Duarte.  
Filthy lying human. And to believe I almost trusted her. Well, that’s not going to happen again. To believe everything we had **meant something.** Everything was just a lie. I’m going to make her pay. If I have to live through this, she’ll live it with me. She’ll suffer. I’ll bound her to me and make her miserable. She owes me my freedom. 

"My king, " Lord Roiben speaks. 

Didn’t expect to ever hear that said to me. The youngest of the siblings. The less able choice. A shiver runs through my body. Everyone is kneeling, even the lying human. This is not a nightmare. I’m in hell. And all because of Jude Duarte. 

"Rise", I try to make my voice as unaffected as I can. 

Immediately the whole show of serving the new king begins, wine is being poured, new goblets brought out. And I drink and toast. Or toast and drink. Trying not to break the glass, trying not to scream. 

"And to Jude, who gave me a gift tonight. One that I plan to repay in kind."

My eyes, my face, must have a certain look, because she looks petrified. I definitely feel something similar to hate. I can feel myself burning in it. I smile slowly, saying goodbye to all my plans of freedom, saying goodbye to the good person I thought I could become.  
In this court, the good ones don’t survive. And I must, in order to get avenged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to make more chapters if I can. would you like that?


	3. Chapter 1 The Wicked King Cardan's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hail the new King... and his senechal.

Five months have passed since the disaster after I was betrayed.  
Now I sit at my throne (I like the way that sounds), rings in my fingers, earrings in my ears, and a crown in my head. I sit sideways, leaving one of my legs to rest at the armchair.  
It amazes me how everything I do is permitted, no one frowns for my sitting or my lack of respect. I just do what I want.  
Maybe this isn’t so bad, if only it had been my choice.  
My executioner is behind me, always watching. Maybe she is the one who frowns at me, but I pay her no mind. It’s even better when I know she gets upset about my behavior. I can do what I do best: drink and annoy people. 

" Enjoying yourself ? " I ask her.  
" Not as much as you are, " she replies, clearly upset.

I smile.

" Look at them all, your subjects. A shame not a one knows who their true ruler is "

Her eyes shine at my words. Greed has always been there. Sometimes I believe she did everything for herself rather than her brother. But I guess I’ll never know.  
The most disturbing thing in moments like this is when I found her watching Locke and her sister, and can’t help feeling hurt, despite all her lies and trickery. I still feel for her. And hate me for it.  
I look at her with disdain. I just wish I could rip her from my mind. And my heart.  
Oh, someone is here. Better.

"Ah, this must be a grave concern, to bring it before the High King "

Grimsen, the smith. She interrupts his telling, as to remind me she’s there.  
How not to know, I wonder. My body can almost sense her near. 

"Very well, your exile is over. Give me your oath, and the High Court will welcome you "  
"Noble king, you ask... "

He keeps speaking, making promises when I feel her hand on my shoulder. The warmth it radiates, the way my body reacts. It disgusts me. I shrug it off. Just her not liking him, made me even more inclined to accept whatever he proposes, even without listening.

"I accept your condition. Indeed, I will give you a boon…"

Is not going to be easy, I will not fall again for her tricks and wishes. Damn mortal. 

A hag walks in front of me. Powerful, I can feel her. 

Strangely enough, since I took the crown, certain sensations have come often. I can feel more, almost like recognizing the essence of people before they come near. Is like I can feel the power inside of them, almost speaking to me; almost like the earth talking to me. Asking me things, and letting her do it. The roses near my throne grow every day, and the perfume in my bed is intoxicating, almost like just breathing makes things come alive. My hands vibrate more than once when touching things like something is waiting for me to wake up, and I don’t know how or what. 

" Kingling, mother Marrow brings you gifts "

I look at her. What could she want? Everyone wants something in here.

" Your fealty is all I require, for now "  
" Oh, I’m sworn to the crown, sure enough, " she answers.

She pulls out a black cloth. Indeed, not a regular one.

" But I have come all this way to present you with a rare prize. My daughter and I wove this of spider silk and nightmares. A garment cut from it can turn a sharp blade, yet be as soft as a shadow against your skin "

How can that be? How did she do it? Or where did she get it? I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I say so to her.

"Then you accept what I would bestow upon you? I am older than your father and your mother. Older than the stones of this palace. As old as the bones the earth. Though you are the High King, Mother Marrow will have your word "

Though I’m the High King she’ll take my word? Arrogance. There’s no fear in this hag. Why would she only take my word? Bizarre.  
Before I have the chance to speak, Jude interrupts.

" You said gifts, but you have only shown us your marvelous cloth. I am sure the crown would be pleased to have it, was it freely given "

Yes. She thought the same.

" And who are you to speak for the High King? " the old lady seems surprised.  
" I am his seneschal, Mother Marrow, " Jude reply.  
" And will you let this mortal girl answer for you? "

I smile. If only she’d know that I would let her answer and so much more to be free from her. I turn and look at her, all-mighty strong, dress in black, sharp, a serious expression. She believes she has won, hasn’t she? I’d love to deny her, to humiliate her, but she’s right, this hag has something more under her sleeve.

" I suppose I shall. It amuses her to keep me out of trouble "

The hag answers, giving me only the cloth. But I’m dying to know the rest, so I ask her.  
And there she produces her daughter.

" Very well. And had you accepted all I would bestow upon you, you would have found yourself under a geas, allowing you to marry only a weaver of the cloth in my hands. Myself- or my daughter "

I never imagined someone would want to marry me, but I guess now that I’m King, my attributes have gone up. 

" My lady, you flatter me. I had no idea you were interested "  
" May you grow into the wisdom of your counselors "

Sigh. 

" The fervent prayer of many, " I answer.

Certainly, of one.

" Tell me. Has your daughter made the journey with you? "

Maybe something good will come out of this.  
Or… maybe not.  
A girl with messy hair, limbs twig-like, and luckily, feet. Although turned backward.

" I would make a poor husband. But grant me a dance and I will show you my other talents "  
I smile. Just waiting for her answer. That certainly would be a nice show. Dancing with her feet backward, how would she move? Back being front? One foot behind the other? Or in front? I almost laugh, until I hear Locke. 

" They’re all going to want to marry you, you know. Better to take consorts. Lots and lots of consorts "

Is he planning to do that himself? And with whom?  
I look at him. All conceit and self-importance. He walks so sure of his grandiose state. Even in front of me.

" Spoken like a man about to enter wedlock, " I reply, annoyed.  
" Oh, leave off. Like Mother Marrow, I have brought you a gift. One with fewer barbs "  
" Oh? "  
" I wish to give you **me-** as your Master of Revels. Grant me the position and I will make it my duty and pleasure to keep the High King of Elfhame from being bored. I will serve up delights you’ve never imagined "

Since that day at his house, in the maze, Locke’s presence has become a nuisance. Just the memory of his lips on hers disgusts me, makes me want to hurt him, creates a void in my chest.  
Jealousy, such an ugly emotion. 

I can still remember the surprise and exhilarating feeling of seeing Jude Duarte in our territory. At one of our parties. Daring, I must say. I was so drunk that it took me a while to notice her hand in Locke’s.  
I was lying on a blanket after a massive beating from Balekin for not killing a human. My back hurt, my thighs and arms with bruises from his foot and sword, and my head hurt after being pushed to a table with rough edges. I won’t kill, no matter how inferior their race is. So, the moment I arrive at Locke’s house, naturally, I started drinking to numb the pain, and if some tongue and kisses were offered, certainly they’d be welcomed. 

_I laid on that blanket since the very beginning of the soiree. Fairies doing what they do best. My shirt being open, hands in my body, lips at my neck, words whispered at my ears, playing with my hair, while Nicasia sang nearby and people danced. One minute everything was happiness, and then, it wasn’t. Jude Duarte appeared. She stood next to Locke, dressed like us, or maybe like a regal…_  
_I thought I was dreaming, maybe one of the many dreams that so often haunted me, maybe induced by alcohol. But that thought stopped, the moment I saw Locke offering her some kind of liquor and she smiled. In my dreams, she never smiled. In my dreams, she was always angry, and fighting me, until… we’re not._  
_I get up some, pushing one of the fairies to the ground, so I can see better. Ah. She has come with Locke. The lucky bastard had succeeded then. I’d heard him talk about the mortal twins, about his plans, and apparently, not only Taryn had fallen for him. I thought Jude was smarter than that._  
_A bitter flavor appeared at my mouth. A feeling of emptiness in my stomach. Why? Can I be upset because of her? Surely not. Maybe I’m annoyed because she’s as stupid as her sister. To expect better from a mortal_  
_I close my eyes for seconds, trying to erase the disturbing feeling in my chest, but it doesn’t leave. Even less when I imagine what could she be doing with Locke at this very minute._  
_What do I care about? Why?_  
_I open my eyes and catch her watching me. Strange energy grows inside me. She always does that, watches me from a distance, like I’m her prey when it should be the other way around. Locke has her against some cushions and he’s speaking, making gestures with his hands, but instead of listening to him, she’s watching me. Maybe I should give her a show. Maybe I should go to her._  
_What?_  
_The wine. It must be._  
_No._  
_I feel lips against my stomach, a hand in my chest, a tongue touching mine, kissing me. I close my eyes and imagine is her for only seconds, feeling the taste of what I’ve dreamt, feeling the skin I’ve been dying to touch, pulling the hair I’ve wanted to pull and feel her react. Her hands touching my body, the hunger in her lips until I started feeling a bitter flavor in my mouth. I don’t know who I’m kissing, whose lips are they, but they are not hers._  
_That silly, little human._  
_I open my eyes and found her almost embarrassed, cheeks reddening, open-mouthed, still looking at me. I want to go there, I want to show her what I can do; my hands are begging me to touch her; my eyes keep searching for her, despite all. Finally, Locke puts a hand in her face and shifts her eyes to him, she allows it, she lets him caress her and finally they kissed. I felt then a sharp pain in my chest. I push the fairy on top of me away, believing she’d hurt me, but found none. I release the breath I’m holding while searching for something to drink. Nicasia passes me a goblet, and I swallow it, without even seeing what’s inside. Numbness. That’s what I need._  
_And even with wine in my body, my hands, my fingers, everything remains cold after watching him with her._  
_It must be the wine! It must be the weather! It must be jealousy for Locke, for him achieving the price of mocking Jude Duarte. But he doesn’t seem to be mocking her. Or to be vexed. He seems into the kiss. I throw some glasses, some bottles, to the ground, and naturally, people laugh, and dance even more so. But I’m burning with rage. Why the hell did he bring her here?!  
She kisses him slowly, almost tenderly, her hands touching his face, her body seemed to tremble, and he’s almost shy. He’s never shy. He touches her waist, his fingers try to go up, but she stops him. She laughs, he laughs, and the music never stops. And I find myself envious. And ashamed. And above all, angry. _

I never stopped looking at her, until she disappeared with him into his house. Leaving the rest to my imagination. And now, I must deal with him, with her, with me and my imagination. 

What delights I can’t imagine? Oh, I can imagine plenty.

" Have a care. I am sure you would not wish to insult the High King’s imagination " Jude speaks  
" Indeed, I’m sure not, " I say.

I don’t know what I would be capable to do to him. I don’t know if I hate him for what he did or if I should be thankful for the humiliation he gave her.

" If you make him Master of Revels- "

I interrupt. My anger, my jealousy gets the better of me.

" Are you commanding me? "

She can’t be that obvious. And now, frankly, I want her away. Away from me. Away from Locke. Gone. Away with the feelings.

After that, she goes to talk with The Bomb and is finally gone.

I sigh. I’m tired of all these feelings. Of feeling happy, then mad, then angry. Of sending her away, when I want her by my side, but I can’t forget that she tricked me, she used me. Just like everyone else.

Locke keeps talking about a party. A plan that seems far more entertaining. It can help me distract. I call for more wine.

-Yes- I answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your interest in this story. I'll try to do more chapters and to be as faithful as I can to the saga, and to Holly Black's ideas.


	4. Chapter 5 the wicked king

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 of TWK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties in this chapter creating dialogues that Holly Black didn't do, but it's for the sake of the story. Hope you don't mind.

Chapter 5

Locke convinced me of having a little celebration in my apartments.  
“I guess it would be more comfortable,” I remember saying.

Now I found myself drunk, with a ripped shirt, a wound in my shoulder and standing in front of a very blurry Jude Duarte and The Ghost. 

"Carda- Your infernal Majesty, " she bows.  
I detect she’s not completely honest. Sarcasm is called, I believe.

"Yes, me "

Now I knew the Jude I was seeing was the real one, and not the one I have imagined.  
If she knew how everything began, she’d kill me.

Of course, It began with her. A story about her. Locke began talking about humans, about twins, about two girls raised in a faraway land, with an evil father. And of course, everyone was interested. Everyone mocked and laugh, while he told how her mother and father were murdered after they run away. About how one of the sisters only wanted power, while the other wanted to belong. And I drank and drank, and everything began to feel confusing. And they even staged a fight, with swords. Until Locke admitted that was real, that they had a fight for him, and I couldn’t believe it. Maybe that was what had provoked me to drink the gold liquor, to not feel the bitterness I felt. To not feel envy. I remember one girl with big ears began dancing, while others started a fire, something that smelled sweet, and I started to move while hugging a cushion. Locke started laughing while dancing with another fairy. Someone fell on the curtains, ripping them, and then using them for a dress, while others took one of the paintings and started dancing with it.

-My dear King here is your queen- Locke said, bowing, presenting her partner, with brown hair braided like horns.

I could see something was different, but I didn’t hesitate. I could find something about Jude in her, so I took it. I smiled and took her hand while pressing her against me.

-She’s mine- I said, while Locke just watched me and smiled.

The fairy started playing with my shirt while pushing me to bed. I fall laughing and felt her climbing on top of me, laughing too.

-You laugh-I remember saying.

She looked at me and I could have sworn it was her. The same eyes, the same smell. The one I remember, now months away. And I missed her. Oh, I missed her lips. The passion in her eyes, instead of the sobriety of the woman who stands next to me every day. My seneschal.

-My seneschal-  
-Do you like my gift, my King? - Locke asked.  
-Yes-  
-Would you like to have a queen, my dear King? -  
-Yes- 

And I kissed her once again, feeling bitter lips, feeling cold hands, feeling another odor, and then a sharp pain in my shoulder. Screams. And not mine.

Jude’s expression brought me out of my reverie and to the present. 

"Have a drink," I say.

I felt her eyes on me. It made me uncomfortable. Especially after believing I’d kiss her. 

"I have no head for liquor, my lord,"she answers.  
" Am I not your King?" I asked.

Would she defy me? She always did, and it was getting tiresome.  


"Everyone else may leave us, " she said. Then to Locke, throwing him out.

The look Locke gave her. I can’t believe I fell for his ruse. Everything had been a trick made just for me, only to guess what I thought and felt about Jude. And I had fallen completely like the asshole I am. And now he knows. Oh, he’s certain.  
The question remains though: what will he do with the information? Jude doesn’t like him anymore, or it appears so. She won’t let him get near, so will he play with me instead?  
Shit.  
Nevertheless, this game of Locke had added something interesting that I hadn't thought before: to have a queen, to have... her?

"Well ?" she asks.

Well, what? My mind was whirling. I could barely watch her. I could barely stand.

"There were more guests. They left,"I answer. 

Obvious.

"I can’t imagine why," she says, rolling her eyes.

Lie. She dares to mock me when I almost died! Does she have no respect for me at all ?!  
At that moment, I felt brave. And angry. And cruel. Maybe I could tell her, maybe I could make her as uncomfortable as me, as angry as me.

"They told me a story. Would you like to hear about it? " she looks at me with interest, " Once upon a time, there was a human girl stolen away by faeries, and because of that, she swore to destroy them "  
" Wow. That is a testament to how much you suck as a king, to believe your reign is capable of destroying Faerie "

she says, hiding her face away, clearly upset.

I suck as a King? It appears she doesn't know about the prophecy. Better yet. Something she doesn't know about.

" That little story is not why I was sent for. What happened?" she asks.  
" This"

I walk to my room and showed her where I was almost shot. The bed.

"You’re mad that one of your guests shot your bed? " she asks, with a certain tone I don’t recognize.

That’s when I’m certain she wasn't the one who tried to shoot me. I immediately feel something similar to relief.  
But of course, only she would think that no one else may try to kill me, just her.

"They weren’t aiming for the bed"

I open the shreds of my shirt and show her my wound. At that, she opens up her big eyes and stares. Now, she understands. I proceed to explain how the girl that was with me was also hurt, and how it may have looked to my guards. And then I proceed to show them where the shooter disappeared: the secret passageway.  
Of course, she blames me for not recognizing who shot me and for not have explained it better before. But, how could I? Without giving away the Court of shadows and her with it?  
For one second, I even doubted her, believing maybe she was the one who had shot me. How could I talk? And say what?  
I sat on one of the still useful chairs, while she disappears into the darkness. After a few minutes, she reappears. 

" Well? Have you discovered aught of my erstwhile murderer? " I asked, mockingly.

She shakes her head.  
After a few minutes, she speaks.

"Come on. You can’t sleep here "

She takes my arm and helps me stand. It’s weird, her helping me. Now I can see the error of my ways, now I can remember her smell properly, can feel her warmth, can see her eyes better. Now I see how mistaken I was before. How could I have confused her? My seneschal.  
Wait, does she have a bruise on her cheek? How? 

"What happened to your cheek ? "

I get closer, again forgetting boundaries, and almost touching her. Her pupils dilated her sudden intake of air, her open mouth. She’s surprised. She looks at me, almost nervous.

"Nothing "

She dismisses me and begins walking.  
We pass through my guards and I let them know everything is well.  
Now, where are we going? Apparently, I didn’t say it aloud, because suddenly, as we enter a room, I see a mess of clothes thrown on the floor, and a room that smells like her. Has she brought me to her room?  
We stop at the entrance. I feel giddy but anxious, and almost sober.  
Her room.

" Where- Do you really sleep here? " I look at her " Perhaps you ought to set fire to your rooms as well ? "

The room is a disaster. How can she be so harsh about how I command my Kingdom while she’s a mess at keeping some resemblance of order in her room? Certainly, didn’t expect it. 

"Maybe "

She takes me to her bed and I can’t believe she is letting me rest here. I would blush if I could but I’m too drunk for that. I can feel her hands in my back guiding me, and can almost imagine this in another scenario. I want her to keep touching me. I turn around and see her watching me, again those same big eyes. I sat on her bed, and then sprawl on her mattress, fascinated with the idea of sleeping where she once slept. To share a bed. Having her smell surrounds me. Having her near once again. I undress and throw what’s left of my shirt to the floor. I inhale slowly, while my heart seems like it’ll burst. I lay in the pillow and turn to see her. Her expression has changed.

"For a moment, I wondered if it wasn’t you shooting bolts at me, " I confess, suddenly.

Maybe the wine. Maybe the exhaustion. Maybe her eyes.  
She looks surprised. 

"And what made you decide it wasn’t? "

I smile at that. 

"They missed "

Of course.  
She smiles, bitterly. Almost looking ashamed.  
Our eyes meet again. And I could feel my body reacting, remembering her lips, her body, her warmth.  
I wish she would sleep next to me. Or not sleep, but just next to me.  
Why do I feel like this with this mortal? Why can’t I forget her? Why do I need her so? I’m so drunk, my thoughts wander inside my head.  
I’ll regret whatever I say now. I know it. But I can’t seem to shut up.

"Kiss me again," I sigh, "kiss me until I am sick of it," my voice sounded strangely deep. 

The wine.  
She looks shocked. Of course. What was I expecting? She fools me, she lies to me and still I beg for a kiss? I’m pathetic. I laugh shyly. 

I close my eyes so she doesn't see my shame. And soon fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter wasn't too good, and it didn't bring so many insights on Cardan and Jude's relationship, but I love the phrase: "kiss me until I'm sick of it", so I had to do it. I love Holly's writing, what can I say?!  
> I'm working on some new chapter and it's getting really interesting, maybe enough to change the rating? would you like something more mature?


	5. Chapter 11 TWK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Queen of Mirth.  
> Again added some dialogue that doesn't exist, hope you don't mind.

Chapter 11

Today was the Hunter’s Moon event, also known as Locke’s event, and he had me sitting on a crown made of stones. I didn’t know if he was making a mockery of me or if he was that preoccupied with me maintaining my status as King that he had to build me a throne (a distasteful one indeed), but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that I cared. I sat and smile like I always do. The show must go on.  
Now I had to deal with more pressing matters, like what he would do with the information he got in my room, that last time. Certainly, this celebration would end up somehow related to her: Jude, after all, the theme is to make fun of humans, and she is a mortal. That’s the idea of the Queen of Mirth’s game. I don’t know if I want her to be humiliated or if I want to save her. 

Of course, Jude enters the party that very minute, she sees me, and after a strange expression, she stares at me almost in awe. Maybe I’m not seeing right. Maybe I’m already drunk, though I haven’t drunk that much. 

"My king", she says, coming near, making a bow.

I think I’ll save her. Why? I actually don’t know.  
I descend from my throne and go to her. I’ve decided I want to be the only one that humiliates her. 

"Walk with me", I say, taking her hand, guiding her through the crowd.

Why did I take her hand? I look at both our hands entwined and something similar to yearning sprouts inside of me. I shiver when I feel her skin, her warmth. I still remember everything. Time hasn’t done anything. If only, it has made it worse.

"What are we doing ? " she says, following me.

I ask myself that same question daily. Every time I see her, every time I’m near her. Every time.  
I must say I am surprised she let me guide her, without even second-guessing herself.

"I find it tedious to have my every conversation remarked on. I want you to know your sister isn’t here tonight. I made sure of it"

Unlike her, I do keep my promises. 

"So, what does Locke have planned? He’s certainly staked his reputation on this event"

Always rude, tonight not being the exception. She doesn’t even thank me for caring about her wretched sister. Damn lying mortal. “What he has planned?” she has thought about it. She is as worried as me. 

"I don’t worry my pretty head about that kind of thing. You’re the ones who are supposed to be doing the work. Like the ant in the Fable who labors in the dirt while the grasshopper sings the summer away"

I have learned to lie by omission. Now, I’m worried. Not before. 

"And has nothing left for winter", she answers.

"I need for nothing, " I shake my head, "I am the Corn King, after all, to be sacrificed, so little Oak can take my place in the spring. " As I say it, I get in her face.

I don’t want to sound bitter, but I do. I am resentful. I resent her. But that isn’t the only thing I feel, I can’t help feeling attracted to her, in this light, in this air. I miss her. I want her. And her proximity is doing nothing to help. I look into her eyes, with my hand having a mind of his own, sliding to her hip, almost pulling her to me. To feel again those lips. That passion.  
I think I better go, and soon before I make a new mistake.

“You ought not to be here tonight, little ant. Go back to the Palace,” and I leave her. 

I need not be seen with her. I need not provoke Locke anymore. I pass through my courtiers, touching me, flirting, laughing, everybody is so happy, almost inebriated, intoxicated, not like when my father ruled, it’s almost like they could feel what I’m feeling. When I’m upset, it seemed like the whole court shares my humor, and today is no exception. I dance a little with a little one with a tail, just like me, and twirl, while wine spread through the floor. If almost every day would be as joyful as today. Then I walk to my throne, rearrange my crown and sit. Just in time to see how Nicasia appears, with Grimsen at her feet. 

“My dear king, hope you’re having a great evening. I come bearing gifts, ” he says, bowing, producing a box from his pocket. I come near and take it. It’s like an earring, I love shiny things. But I have learned my lesson, and will not accept it so easily. I smile.

“What’s this?” I ask “It will not oblige me to marry you, is it?” and some laugh, remembering the last audience with Mather Marrow.

He laughs too.

“No, my King. It will only make you more enchanting”  
“More enchanting than what I already am?” Some more laugh “What’s the price?” 

Everything comes with a price in Fairyland.

“My king, don’t offend me with such a question. It is a gift for inviting me to such a great event”

I didn’t invite him. I didn’t do anything. I look at Nicasia, who looks particularly beautiful. She did outdo herself in dressing up for this soiree. Almost too much. Maybe she invited him.

“Thank you, ” I say, and return the earring to the box, passing it to one of the guards. Grimsen makes a grin and goes sit on a corner, Nicasia soon following behind. What is she planning?

Another fairy approaches me with a poem and one accompanies him with a guitar, starting a song. I start laughing, while Locke comes near. He passes me a goblet and I start drinking, while some ladies start dancing in front of me, dancing to the music of the guitar. I try to stand up, but Locke stops me.

“Not now, my King,” he says, smiling.  
“Why?”  
“Soon”

I start to sing if I cannot dance, and go on for at least three new songs. One of the ladies sat at my feet and start caressing my leg. I smile and touch her face.

“Will the King dance tonight?” she asks.  
“Of course, ” I answer. 

And again try to get up, but Locke stops me clapping his hands, effectively silencing the crowd. 

"I have another amusement for you. It is time to crown a monarch tonight. The Queen of Mirth, " he says, looking at our audience. 

Here it is what I was expecting all night. But Jude isn’t here. His game won’t do.  
One of the lutists begins to play. Some people laugh. I look around, everyone seems excited and anxious. All waiting for the mortal to appear any minute now. I even fear he could bring his fiancée, Taryn, to this game, and then I’ll have to be involved. Jude would never forgive me if I didn’t. Or any human actually. Basically, I’ll have to play by Locke’s rules to save the mortal he chooses. Maybe I’ll just laugh for some small-time before stopping it. 

"But surely only a king can crown a queen, "he says, suddenly.

A king can crown a queen? I remember the talk at my chambers. As I hear him, I know he is talking about Jude. Did she not listen? I stand up from my throne and descend to where Locke is. I do not like this. What the fuck has he done now?

"So where is she? "I ask.

If she’s drugged or even worse, I’ll seriously hurt him. I won’t even care what anybody thinks. I’m done being played with. First her, now him. 

"Haven’t you guessed? There is only one mortal in our company. Why, our Queen of Mirth is none other than Jude Duarte, " and as he talks, people start moving, giving way to where Jude stands, looking at her, pointing at her.

He grins.  
She didn’t leave. Why? She disobeyed.  
I snarl.  
And now she’ll have to pay.

"Let’s have a cheer for her, " he says.

People cry out, drowning all the sound of the room, start cheering, laughing, while Jude’s face change from fear to anger. She wasn’t expecting this. Maybe this surprise will show her not to toy with fairies. Less with their King. I gave her an order and she didn’t listen. She looks at me commanding me with her eyes to stop this. I won’t. She needs to learn, I allowed her to flee, she didn’t take it. She must learn to obey. To obey me. I get a strange feeling, like satisfaction, imagining her finally acknowledging she was wrong.

Locke gives a signal and a group of imps appears bringing some kind of dress and branches.  
For Jude, no doubt.

"New raiment for our new queen, " as he moves his arms, "Tell us what you think of our Lady, " Locke says, looking at me, smiling.

This was his plan all along. To get me in the spotlight, to get me to confess how I feel about her. To expose me. He humiliates her and me for the price of one. Bastard. I’ll not give him the satisfaction. 

"I have too often been troubled by dreams of Jude, " I start speaking, not giving any untruth, but also not saying too much. 

"Her face features prominently in my most frequent nightmare, " I keep saying. Locke stares at me, now with a stern face. Courtiers laugh. Nobody has to know that my most frequent nightmare is when I was tied up in that chair and she threatened me, when she kissed me, and then she left me. My most frequent nightmare is having her kiss me and then never returning. Jude was gone.

"Some among us do not find mortals beautiful. Some of you might swear that Jude is unlovely, " I speak loudly to our crowd and her.

I look at her, she’s boiling with anger. I sneer. I look at Locke, he’s intrigued. Nicasia’s face also looks confused.

"But I believe it is only that her beauty is… unique "

People laugh at that some more. They think I’m mocking her. If only.  
Her face. Her eyes. Her hair. Her ears. Her skin. Her warmth. Her passion. Her strength. 

"Excruciating. Alarming. Distressing, " I end up saying, almost like a whisper, remembering that night where I begged her to kiss me, that night she confronted me about the letter. I don’t remember how many times I wrote her name. I just remember feeling so exhausted because of her. Hating her. Wanting her. 

People listen in silence. Maybe they didn’t expect to hear something like that. Neither did I.

"Perhaps she needs new raiment to bring out her true allure. Greater finery for one so fine, " says Locke, with a new smile, trying to maintain the illusion of mockery in the crowd. He won’t give up. 

At that, courtiers laugh again. The imps move next to Jude, starting to pull the dress on her. She stops them. What would she do? She could kill them, no doubt. But will she? To do that, she’d have to recognize being affected by this game. Being the weak one.

"Wait"

She spoke.  
She reaches down to the hem of her ugly dress and starts to undress. I think time stops. I want to run and cover her up, while not stopping her at all. I can feel my heart-stopping, and then recovering, beating almost impossibly fast; while withholding my breath, I watch her remove her clothes. She stands there with some fabrics covering her generous breasts and her ass, a white undergarment, creating an hourglass shape. Her legs are long and shaped, the ones she uses to fight so much. Her waist screaming to be touch, just like that night, as her breasts, affected by the cold, and maybe fear. Her skin looks so pale, there are some scars. Is it soft? Does it smell like I remember? Is she trembling? Is it because she’s cold or is she scared? Maybe embarrassed? I almost move, but Locke was near, vigilant of my every move. My body screams at me to move, to go to her. But I can’t.

"Now I am ready to put on my new gown, " she says, daring us all, as patronizing as ever.

Locke seems delighted.  
That did it. If I didn’t move, he would. I didn’t care about his stupid game or manipulation. Now I only care about her. I pass next to him, and go through the crowd, feeling with every step how my body became alive, just by seeing her. I walk faster. Desperate. But when I’m at a few steps, I slow down, walking really slowly, trying almost not to scare her. Suddenly, she became the prey, and I, the hunter. 

"I hate you, " she whispers. She’s blushing under my eyes. Shivering.

I can almost taste her lie. I’m certain she’s lying. She’s as affected as I am. Again, we are back at Dain’s office.  
I put my fingers on her chin, tilting her face to look at me.

"Say it again, " my voice is deep, low.

The imps put the crown on her head. At that, she pulls out of my grip.

"Queen of Mirth, time for your first dance, " Locke comes near and pulls her to the crowd. How dare he? But I want to see her dance. I’m so intoxicated by her right now I don’t think I can even look at another like I see her. I don’t think I can stop this, I need to see her some more. Even if it means sharing her with my courtiers, it’s a price I’ll pay just to see her some more. Some grab her arms, maybe as intoxicated as I am; some start to dance around her; another laugh and music start. She begins dancing and it’s like an enchantment. I know I’ve seen her dance before, that time we poisoned her, she danced in front of us; and at my father’s parties, I saw her dancing; even with Locke, she danced. And once with me. But now, seeing from afar, seeing her body move; seeing her face enjoying every note, dancing like one of us; seeing her hair floating, seeing her skin reddening with every touch, how her breast bounce with every move. I am hypnotized. 

"Cease playing! "she shouts, bringing me out of my stupor "As your Queen of Mirth, as the seneschal of the High King, you will allow me to choose the dance!"

She had achieved to stop the dance, even though she is mortal. And had even managed to do her will. Amazing.

"Let’s have a reel… And I will dance it with my king, who has showered me with so many compliments and gifts tonight, " she walks to me, looking defiant as ever. I don’t think I could ever say no to her, "Will you dance with me? For I find you every bit as beautiful as you find me. "

A hiss goes through the crowd.  
I smile. Of course, everybody knows she can lie. They know she’s mocking me. It’s me who’s doubting if maybe what she has said is true.

"I’d be delighted, " I answer.

Although she has insulted me, I can’t say no, if only for a chance to touch her.

I take her offered hand and push her body to mine. I can feel every bit of her body next to mine. I can feel her breathing in my face, while I look at her eyes. Her skin feels cold. I spread her legs with one of mine as we move, and surround her waist with my arm, while she puts one of her arms through my neck and feels her touching my hair, as we hold with one hand. I move her to my rhythm, and she lets me, never looking away. Her shivering stops, and her skin starts recovering some of her warmth.

"Whatever you do to me, I can do worse to you, "she whispers. Her voice is hoarse.  
"Oh, do not think I forget that for a moment"

How could I ever forget that? I remember at the summer tournament after she defied me. I had grabbed her face, while with my other hand I twisted her hair. I still didn’t know what she could do, what she was capable of doing, so I didn’t fear her. 

"_Do you know what mortal means? It means born to die. It means deserving of death. That’s what you are, what defines you—dying. And yet here you stand, determined to oppose me even as you rot away from the inside out, you corrupt, corrosive mortal creature. Tell me how that is. Do you really think you can win against me? Against a prince of Faerie?_" _I ask._  
"_No,_" _she answers._  
"_So you’re not completely lacking in some small amount of animal cunning. Good. Now, beg my forgiveness._"

_She tries to break free, but I hold her tight. I stare at her face, and for the first time, I feel something more than hatred for her. She has such passion, such conviction. It makes me wonder how it would be to feel so passionate about something. I release her after some minutes._

" _Get down on your knees. Beg. Make it pretty. Flowery. Worthy of me_ "

_I need to regain some control of the situation. I can't admire her. She is the mortal; I, the Prince._

" _Beg?_ " _she asks._  
" _You defied me. More than once. Your only hope is to throw yourself on my mercy in front of everyone. Do it, or I will keep on hurting you until there is nothing left to hurt._ "  
" _You think because you can humiliate me, you can control me? Well, I think you’re an idiot. Since we started being tutored together, you’ve gone out of your way to make me feel like I’m less than you. And to coddle your ego, I have made myself less. I have made myself small, I have kept my head down. But it wasn’t enough to make you leave Taryn and me alone, so I’m not going to do that anymore. I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this, this is the least of what I can do_ "

_I couldn’t believe she talked back at me like she had no fear. Like she was better. And I was intrigued. No longer scared, but entranced. Who was this girl? And where was the little mortal who hides behind her two sisters and her general? She was a mystery. Someone I had to know._

"Then why? " she suddenly asks.

I look at her, confused. And then remembered our predicament. The Queen of Mirth.

"You believe I planned your humiliation? Me? That sounds like work, " I ask.  
"I don’t care if you did or not. I just care that you enjoyed it"

Little lying human. She thinks she can control me. That angers me.

"And why shouldn’t I delight to see you squirm? You tricked me. You played me for a fool, and now I am the King of Fools, " I reply, looking into her eyes.  
"The High King of Fools, " she answers, looking back at me, blushing. 

The act on itself gets me distracted, and then her lips, as she bites on them. I cannot not stare at the sweat on top of her lips, thinking about licking her. She seems to notice my reaction to her, as she looks into my eyes, and then to my mouth. I’m speechless, out of the air, and feeling my body burning, not wanting this dance to end. I feel her chest lifting up and down fast, breathing rapidly, her hands now both behind my neck, touching the skin, making me shiver. I could kiss her. I should. Everyone would blame it on the alcohol. 

And not a minute too late, the music cuts to an end. At that, Jude pulls away from me, immediately missing her body next to mine, feeling my hands empty.

"I am overcome, Your Majesty. I would like your permission to withdraw, " she seems out of air.

I have a mind to deny her. I want her next to me. But I also want to end this.  
I don’t.

"You are free to depart or stay, as you like. The Queen of Mirth is welcome wheresoever she goes, "I reply. 

Secretly wanting her to stay, knowing she won’t.  
She leaves after I finish speaking.

I look at her leaving. Locke has won.  
He looks at me after I’m left alone. He seems pleased. 

I thought my night had ended, but unexpected guests appeared in the sea. And with that a bitter flavor in my mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the rating, next chapter will be different. muahahaha (evil laugh)


	6. chapter 15 TWK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan and Jude at the lair. Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it goes. I did my best. Is my first time writing something like this, please don't be so harsh judging :)
> 
> I tried making it not too vulgar, tasteful and as true as I could, as much as you can with an scene like this, trying to mix all the doubts, the feelings, the emotions, the touches, and how the mind works when you're with someone you care about. Specially trying not to mess with the characters and the storyline.

Chapter 15

As I wake up, a guard appears next to my bed bringing a message. After scaring me enough to jump back, I receive it, with a message I didn’t expect, nor liked what it implied. 

"If you want to save your neck, pay me a visit. And put your seneschal on a leash"

“My king, I’m sorry. They said you should receive it a soon as you wake up,” the guard says, backtracking slowly.  
“And of course, you took it literal!” I scream, “Who send you? How did you get into my room?”  
“Don’t tell your seneschal, please”  
“My…?” I’m out of words. “Leave, now”

He was more frightened of Jude finding out about him, than of me, his King. Of course, he wasn’t a guard. Whoever he was, at least he didn’t kill me. Great job, court of shadows.

Now, the message at hand. It was from Balekin, no doubt about it. And “to keep my seneschal on a leash” ? What did he mean? What more could Jude withhold from me? More letters? Meetings, maybe? Surely, she must have known about Balekin. About his messages. This was clearly not the first. What had she done with the others? And what did they say? 

I stay in my room, thinking. 

Why would she hide this from me? Did she not believe me? Did she thought I would forgive him? Did she believe me an idiot?!  
I sat down on my bed, trying to think, when a noise surprises me: a hole in my wall, leaves in my pillow and a whole branch had surfaced above my bed.

What the hell?! 

I follow the hole, it had come from the corridor. The guards were just as amazed since the branch had bloom all over the corridor, coming from one of the windows in the hall. 

Had I made that? With my anger? My frustration? 

“Cut it!” I screamed at them, “What are you waiting for?!” 

I didn’t need more people thinking I couldn’t control my own power. A power it seemed I didn’t know and was desperate to come out somehow. 

Finally I leave my room, after leaving a mess trying to decide what to wear. I was stressed, frustrated with all the news of war and marriage and all the lies or omissions. I was fed up with everything. And above all, the tension I felt each time Jude came near me, it was bordering out of control. How much could I handle?

I go to the hall, hoping to find Jude. No such luck. Locke, instead, was waiting for me.

"What exactly is the problem here?" I ask.

A boy with a lower half of a deer had a problem with a boy with green hair about a lyre.  
Fundamental stuff, I know. 

"You ought to punish them both. For bringing such a trivial concern before the High King, " says Locke 

I had half a mind in doing exactly that.  
My day had begun awfully, I really didn’t need this kind of predicaments now. 

"Enough. You are both thieves, and neither of you particularly skilled ones, " I say, getting interrupted.  
"But you don’t understand the torment, the screaming- " he says, and then decides to shut up.

Maybe I should kill one of them. Or Locke can. Or maybe I just needed a drink.  
In that precise moment, I see Jude standing in the back, watching me. She came.  
Enough. I didn’t need to waste more time with this nonsense.

"Have you never heard that virtue is its own reward? That’s because there’s no other reward in it " I say, smiling.

Jude makes her way up the steps as the deer boy begins to play.

"Your majesty, you sent for me?" she asks.  
"Ah, yes,"feigning disinterest, trying not to show how much I wanted to see her " So are we at war? "

She looks at my hair, then me. Yes, my hair is much more important than my kingdom.

"No. At least not until the next full moon," she answers.  
"You can’t fight the sea," intervenes Locke.

This whole situation is getting tiresome. Constant interruption...

"You can fight anything. Winning, though, that’s something else. Isn’t that right, Jude? " I say.  
"Jude is a real winner. Enough. Switch! " Locke speaks out loud.

The deer boy turns over the lyre to the grass haired faerie.  
My patience was being tested today. More interruptions? I look at him, then at her.

"You were just going" Jude tells Locke, annoyed.  
"I find I’m very comfortable here. Surely there’s nothing you have to say to the king that is so very personal or private, " he answers.  
"It’s a shame you’ll never find out. Go. Now! " Jude screams. 

He doesn’t move.  
I intervene. I don’t want him playing games with her. Least of all, in front of me.

"Leave. I didn’t summon her here for your pleasure " I say in my most menacing voice.  
"You are most ungenerous. If you truly cared for me, you would have"

I look at him, and after a few seconds, he finally understands, and leaves with Taryn next to him.  
I speak after he’s gone.

"He likes you this way, I think. Flush-cheeked and furious"

I couldn’t shut my mouth about it. I’m so angry at her, at him, at everything. But mostly, her; if she hadn’t put me in this position, I wouldn’t have to worry about things like marriage or war… or her being pursued by my master of Revels.

"I don’t care what he likes, " she answers, while making a face I can’t decipher.

It doesn’t seem that way.  
Always watching him. Always angry at him. Why does she care for him, if it’s not because of jealousy? could she actually care about her sister? 

"You seem to not care _quite_ a lot " I enunciated slowly.

I hate being on the spot like that. Letting her know how much she affects me.

"Why am I here? " She looks at me, after a short period of silence.

Oh, yes. Straight to the business at hand.

I give the lyre to the deer boy closing that matter, and we leave to the room behind the throne. A room popularly known as the lair. My father often conducted several meetings of great importance in there, so no one could listen. I had enough shame with her dealing behind my back with my brother, with her father, and maybe who else... 

She closes the door and I turn towards her, pulling the paper from my pocket.

"My brother sent me a message"

I look at her, waiting for a reaction. She reads it and then looks at me.  
Nothing. Nada. NO reaction.

"So, what have you been about? " I ask, trying to control my voice. Trying to control my temper, but with her face feigning innocence, I don’t know how much I can stand. Less in such a small space. I don’t remember it being so little, or maybe it was because of her. The whole room seem to be closing in on us.

"I stopped you from getting some messages, " she finally admits.  
"And you decided not to mention them. Just as you declined to tell me about Balekin’s meetings with Orlagh or Nicasia’s plan for me"

"Look, of course Balekin wants to see you. You’re his brother, whom he kept in his own house. You’re the only person with the power to free him who would actually do it. I figured if you were in a forgiving mood, you could talk to him anytime you wanted. You didn’t need his exhortations "

And there it is. She believes I’m weak and stupid. She thinks I can forgive him. Just like I can forgive her. I’m even angrier than before. Who does she think she is? A filthy human ordering me, deciding what is best for me. And all because of a promise? Because of a kiss? She may believe I have a weakness for her, but she doesn’t know anything.  
I almost scream at her.  
A few months before all of this, I would have ended up resorting to violence, and I did, but I know her now. She won’t tolerate it. I must be smarter than her. 

"So what changed? " as I wave the paper, trying to breathe and relax "Why was I permitted to receive this? "  
"I gave him a source of information. One it’s possible for me to compromise "

Oh. She needs me.  
Interesting.  
Now, I can know? Now, I can play?

"And I am supposed to reply to this little note? " I ask.  
"Have him brought to you in chains, " she says, as she grabs the paper from my hand, "I’d be interested to know what he thinks he can get from you with a little conversation, especially since he doesn’t know you’re aware of his ties to the Undersea"

Yet another time using me as means to an end.  
Still, Balekin will never give himself away. He’s not I. He’s better at this than me.  
And who can be the source? What else is she not telling me? Should I even try to find out who the source is? Is it worth it? Would she tell me?  
She has so many secrets, it’s exhausting.  
I used to believe people at court were secretive, but she’s far worse. And I don’t know if I’d like to know everything.

"I suspect he will try to shout at me until I give him what he wants. It might be possible to goad him into letting something slip. Possible, no likely, " I answer, resigned.  
"Nicasia knows more than she’s saying. Make her say the rest of it and then use that against Balekin, " Jude replies.

Nicasia? How? I can imagine Jude torturing her. 

"Yes, well, I don’t think it would be politically expedient to put thumbscrews to a princess of the sea "  
"Not thumbscrews. You. You go to Nicasia and charm her, " she says.

At that, I look at her. Surprised. Almost shocked. Me? Is she… is she implying?  
Do my ears hear alright? 

"Oh, come on! You’re practically draped in courtiers every time I see you"

Draped in courtiers? She’s been watching me.

"I’m the King, " I reply. That’s what fairies do. It really is no surprise. And does she really think Nicasia would fall for it?

"They’ve been draped over you for longer than that, " she replies, exasperated.

I stay silent for a minute or so. “Longer than that”? Since when has Jude been watching me?

"You mean, back when I was merely the prince? " I ask, curious.

I need her to say it. To recognize it. That she has been watching me as I have with her. 

"Use your wiles. I’m sure you’ve got some. She wants you. It shouldn’t be difficult "

Use my…? Is she for real? Jude Duarte is actually proposing me to seduce Nicasia? And implying that I’m actually attractive? That some may find me charming? And that she has been watching me before I even become King?

"You’re seriously suggesting I do this, " I say, astonished.

I stare at her, she’s blushing. Is she… embarrassed?

"Nicasia’s the one who came through the passageway and shot the girl you were kissing, " Jude says, almost timidly.

"You mean she tried to kill me? "I ask. Mood swing. I turn around and lean on a chair, while trying to process what she’s telling me "Honestly, Jude, how many secrets are you keeping? "

She has confessed watching me since the beginning. I shouldn’t think anything else of it. It’s not a love confession. She has always hated me.  
I need to think before doing something foolish. I cannot fall for her tricks again.  
She interrupts my thoughts.

"She was shooting at the girl, not you. She found you in bed with someone, got jealous, and shot twice. Unfortunately for you, but fortunately for everyone else, she’s a terrible shot. Now, do you believe me that she wants you? "

I look at her.  
I couldn’t care less about Nicasia trying to kill me or not. It was the other part that confuses me. What does she really want? All the looks, all the words, that kiss, our dance, and now she acknowledges she has watched me? How can I believe one word she says? And what about Locke? What about all the threats? Our fighting?

"I know not what to believe, " I finally say.  
"She thought to surprise you in your bed. Give her what she wants, and get the information we need to avoid a war "

Her voice trembled. Is she actually nervous around me?  
Since the dance, she has been avoiding me or… being alone with me? why?

"Are you commanding me? " I say, as I stalk towards her.  
"No " She looks into my eyes, and I see her blushing again " Of course not " and she drops her gaze.

Those eyes may have the key.  
Her skin, her breath, her heart, if not her words, will tell me the truth.

"You just think I ought to. That I can. That I’d be good at it. Very well, Jude. Tell me how It’s done. Do you think she’d like it if I came to her like this, " I lift her chin and make her look at me, "if I looked deeply into her eyes? "

Her eyes flutter looking at mine, her skin is warm, and I can feel her breath speeding up. I can feel mine, too. My fingers itching to move. My tongue dry.

"Probably. Whatever it is you usually do… " her voice sounds hoarse.  
"Oh, come now, " I reply, " If you want me to play the bawd, at least give me the benefit of your advice "

Her pupils dilated, her cheeks reddening, her forehead sweating and her pulse is fast. I slide my thumb to trace her lips, while my other hand caresses her cheek and her ear.

"Should I touch her like this? " I whisper in her ear.  
"I don’t know " she says, breathless, looking into my eyes and then my mouth.

That’s all the encouragement I need. My body takes over. I press my mouth to her ear and breath her in, her smell, her warmth, and start kissing her skin.

"And then like this? " now I’m breathless, my arms have caged her, and I’m so close to her body " Is this how I ought to seduce her? Do you think it would work? " kissing her neck.  
"Yes, " she answers, looking at me. Hunger in her eyes.

This is not the seneschal. This is the human girl that constantly defy me. She is here, finally. I take her face, and finally feel her mouth against mine, feeling those lips I’ve dreamt for so long. I kiss her slowly, almost reverently, trying to memorize her, to memorize her taste; her tongue with mine, her breathing mixing with mine; her sounds, her whimpering. She caresses my face, my hair, while with her other hand touches my chest, almost over my heart. She starts pulling me to her and I let her. Our legs entwined. Our hips touching, groping. Falling down on a couch.  
Our position isn’t the most decent one, and I can see she’s as surprised as I am, but I don’t know if it’s enough to make me stop, or her.

"Tell me again what you said at the revel, " now my voice is hoarse.

She stares at my face, then to our bodies entangled and slowly up, looking at my face once again. Her pupils dilated and out of breath. That persuades me not to stop. I move on top of her as she’s pulling me to her, caging her body with both my thighs and arms, dropping my face to the level of her eyes.

"What? " she asks. She looks at my lips, while her hands try to undress me. 

"That you hate me. Tell me that you hate me " I answer, with the little concentration that’s left on me.

I need to hear her, the lie I know now is not true.  
I’m going to learn all about her. How she likes to be touched, to be kissed, to smile, how she talks, how she lies, and I’ll learn it all so I can see her better. See her for what she really is.

"I hate you" she says, with her eyes, with her face, drunk on me. With a messy hair and red, swollen lips. And she tries to kiss me. And I let her. I kiss her. I kiss her with each phrase, kiss her eyelids, her nose, her front, her chin, until I reach again her lips.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, " she repeats, almost like a prayer.

I devour her mouth, while my hands caress her face, her shoulders, her arms. Her hands travel through my back, pushing me to her. I can feel each part of her body. The body I dreamt, the body I saw at the revel, the body I want to own. 

"I hate you, I hate you so much that sometimes I can’t think of anything else, " she whispers into my ear.

I shush her with a kiss. I wish I knew how to stop. But I don’t and I can’t. My hands travel through her clothes, through her horrible clothes, and starts unbuttoning it. I can hear her breathing, while she kisses my neck, my chin and feel her hands undressing me too. I look up, trying to get a grip, is this a dream? I look at her.

"This is an absolute terrible idea, " I say, while she pulls off her shoes and her hose.  
"Yes " out of breath.

I take out her horrible doublet, as she pulls mine, leaving her in her underwear. They are pink, and I smile. She helps me take my white shirt off and I’m raise on my arms, on top of her, naked with all my scars. Her hand lifts to touch them. I take one of them and kiss her knuckles. One by one.

"I want to tell you so many lies " I murmur.

“I hate you too,” would be the first.  
I smile and lean down to kiss her lips, remembering all the times I kissed someone else, someone I thought was her or in my dreams. How wrong I was. Now, I feel her lips, I suck one of them, just to feel hear react. She whimpers.  
Oh, I liked that.  
I pull my hand slowly from her face to her neck and then to her left breast to fondle her. She stops kissing me, and for a moment almost believe she’d stop me, but soon I felt her tongue at my lips, moaning. I closed my eyes and deepened the kiss, while kneading her soft breast, playing with her nipple, so different from others, so soft and generous.  
Jude was perfect, she wasn’t skinny nor fat, but she had a shape so generous that allowed me to grab skin wherever I touched. I took the famous bra and push it down freeing her beautiful breasts and proceed to kiss both of them, playing with the tip of one, while my hand slide down, caressing her stomach reaching her underwear, pushing my fingers between them, feeling her curly hair, her warmth. In response, she opened her thighs to let me in, feeling her moist. As I pushed, she moaned, and arched toward me. I abandon her breast just to look at her, open mouthed, eyes closed, and mine, and I felt powerful. I leave my fingers working, while I move again to her mouth, sucking one of her lips and pushing my tongue through her mouth. She tried to kiss me back, but her body wouldn’t let her. She was too far gone to sensation.  
My whole body was feverish, I was high on her, specially, when I felt one of her hands at my waist pulling my breeches down, and then with her feet she got rid of them, leaving me butt naked. Her legs immediately wrap around my waist. My tail around one of hers. The hand that was at my waist caressing my stomach and going south, I look at it, worried that once she touched me, I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I suspected Jude was a virgin. I didn’t want to hurt her. But she has a different idea, she arches once again, leaving me with her beautiful breasts in front of my face and I couldn’t not touch them. All the while my hand remained lost in and out of her soft curls down there, as she was lost in feeling, whimpering. One finger, then two, figuring her out. My other hand tug at her hair, exposing her neck. I lick it. I wanted to mark her, so that she can remember, so that she wouldn’t be able to deny us. At last, I felt her hand first at my glutes, squeezing and then going down at my member, it was erect and ready, and she started caressing it. I almost lost it. I had to stop kissing her to regain control. 

“Cardan”  
“I don’t think I can stop if you touch me like this”  
“Cardan…”

I look at her as she opens her eyes, was she going to make me stop? I could do it. But I pray not to. Nevertheless, what I saw in her eyes inspire me to go on. She wasn’t stopping me, she was begging me to move on. I couldn’t afford to lose time, any time I have with her, it may well be my last. And she was excited, she needed me and I needed her. She kissed one of my hands next to her face, almost giving me permission without words. I needed her ready, and I knew one way to do so. I kiss my way through her neck, then between her breasts, going through her stomach, until I saw her soft curls.

“Why…?” she asks.

She looked scared, worried. I smile. And starts kissing her thigh, she is so tense now, and soon began relaxing, letting her legs fall open. My mouth kisses her knee making my way up, until I get to her curls.

“I promise you, you won’t forget it” I murmur between her legs. My voice making her shiver, she tries to close her legs, but I stop her with both my hands on her thighs, making circles with my thumbs.

“But…”

And I kiss her down there, savoring her, closing my eyes, while my fingers go up, to one of her breasts, while the other grazes her clit. She starts playing with my hair, making sweet noises and arching her body. I don’t know how much time I spend between her legs, but when I was done, her body is relaxed, satiated and welcoming. I go up kissing her lazily, feeling still her taste in my mouth. She had an orgasm and I was proud. And I was just getting started. I rise in both of my arms, she opens her eyes, looking at me, while I admire her beauty.  
Of course, she always gets what she wants. I feel, rather than see, her hand suddenly on my member, squeezing, and immediately react, falling on top of her, too sensitive to touch. She laughs. And I just can’t believe it. I look at her, amazed, while she wraps her legs on my waist, pushing me to her, rising her waist, moving against me. Kissing me. And I kiss her back. I know what she wants. I make my way with my hands travelling through her body, until grabbing behind her thighs and hoisting her up, taking my member and penetrating her slowly. She let her head fall down, her hands tightened on my arms, whimpering, scratching my back, until I was inside of her completely. I couldn’t move, my breath was so short, everything was tight, her skin was so warm, but again, she doesn’t care. She starts moving and I had to slow her down. If not, it would end up all too fast. Our bodies start moving together, thrusting, hand in hand. I rested my head in her shoulder, next to her ear, kissing her neck slowly, while her legs caged me, and her hands travel through my back, my tail and ass, pushing me impossibly close to her. Her moans were the only thing I could hear, her breaths, her smell. She even bit me at her climax, but I didn’t care.  
Always so aggressive. I smile.  
I don’t know how much it lasted, but it wasn’t enough.  
Our sweats, our smell, together.  
We were both falling, without a way to go back to the beginning.

_I’ve wanted this and feared it, and now that it’s happening, I don’t know how I will ever want anything else._

As we were dressing, my mind was reeling. She was putting on her underwear and I just couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

Maybe if we hadn’t been fighting all along, we could have been more. So much more. Many evenings like this. Many. 

"We should have called truce. We should have called truce long before this"

She looked up, but didn’t say anything.  
Was she… regretting it?  
I was ecstatic. Finally, I felt happy, but she didn’t seem to share my feelings. At least not now.

"Jude, are you afraid of me? "

Why would she not admit that what we had here was bigger than our fights and our past? Can she be afraid of me tricking her? Can she not believe my interest in her is real? But how? I couldn’t have demonstrated her enough right now.  
Why isn’t she talking?

She didn’t answer. She put on her doublet and left me with my thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Just wanted to point out that although there's a consensus that Jude's & Cardan's first time was in the QON, I believe, after having read again Chapter 15 once and once again, and in context of Cardan's and Jude's book personalities, that given the chance, they would have taken it. Jude being as passionate as she always is, and Cardan as experienced as the book tell us he is, I believe Jude would have made Cardan forget everything and just go for it.  
> I believe chapter 21 in QON reflects the first time Jude is the one leading the act, instead of Cardan. Of course, I may be wrong, and I guess only Holly Black could enlighten us, but I don't think this minor difference will mess up the storyline, so I hope you bare with me.
> 
> Next, Jude is taken by the sea. Hope to see you soon!!


	7. chapter 21 TWK part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's abduction.  
> It's long. So I separate it:
> 
> 1º part: cardan knows she's gone.  
> 2º part: how he deals with it  
> 3º part: finding Jude at the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, it took long enough. I'm sorry. I have a right shoulder bursitis and a wrist tendonitis that has prevent me from writing any faster. I still haven't finish this chapter completely, but I'll upload the parts I have. 
> 
> It's been hard, not having any clue how the party went or how did Cardan dealt with Madoc with Jude's absence.  
> I used my imagination and how I thought he would react. Hope you agree with me.

Chapter 21

I arrived to Locke’s estate behind Jude’s carriage just in time to see the Bomb helping Jude’s little brother pass through a window and then seeing Jude falling afterwards. I can’t help laugh, after seeing her. She’s supposed to be nifty with all things physical, fighting and such, how can she fall so easily?

“Stop!” I shout to the driver, and descend to have a better look. 

I then see how the Bomb throws something to her, and later disappears with Oak. Jude lifts her dress, showing a horrible bandage with blood. Eww.  
Was that an ointment thrown, maybe?  
She’s obviously in pain. Her face says it so.  
How did she hurt herself again? Who? And most importantly, why?

Oh. And that dress… I hadn’t appreciated how well that dress suited her until now. It was silver, with a plunging neckline, showing extremely well Jude’s attributes, which I already knew. Her hair had something silver in it, giving her an otherworldly look. And she was wearing make-up, Jude never wore make up, it made her even more beautiful, a look more mature, more woman, less warrior-ly. Something I expect she didn’t like. 

Could she have dressed this way for me?

 _I knocked at the door, and her voice answered. I didn’t expect to confront her so soon, after Nicasia._  
_Jude had sent me to a mission, after we had… tested how I should approach her, and luckily for me, it was easier than I thought. I didn’t need to do any of the things I did to Jude. I just kissed Nicasia for some time, and asked her questions at the right time, and she just answered._  
_I threw Jude my notes._

 _"Well?" she asked. _  
_"You were right"_  
_"What?" she reply. _

_I looked at her, like I couldn’t do before. Just stared at her for a few seconds. Trying to find answers in her eyes_  
_I had hoped she would come to me after that day, but she never did. I waited for her. Does she actually feel regret?_

_"Nicasia gave up her secrets. All it took was some kindness and a few kisses" I speak._

_I didn’t want to sound cruel, but I was upset. How can she act so cold? How can she not care? I felt her, I saw her; she was feeling the same as I, how can she not care if I sleep with another? I should’ve said we laid in bed multiple times, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt her. Though frankly, this very minute, I didn’t know if she care enough._  
_She blushes still. Is she angry or embarrassed?_

_"Orlagh will act during the wedding of Locke and your sister" I say. _

_She sits. She starts looking at my notes._

_" You’re sure? " _  
_" Nicasia said that as mortal power grows, land and sea ought to be reunited. And that they would be, either in the way she hoped or the way I should fear" _  
_"Ominous," she says._  
_" It seems I have a singular taste for women who threaten me" _

She didn’t take my bait, and started talking about Grimsen, about an armor and swords.

_"So long as you’re willing to fight the Undersea," she says._  
_"He wants me to have a war to restore him to his former glory?" I ask. _  
_" Pretty much" _  
_" Now, that’s ambition. There might be only a floodplain and several pine trees still on fire remaining, but the four Folk huddling together in a damp cave would have heard the name Grimsen. One must admire the focus. I don’t suppose you told him that declaring war was your call, not mine " _  
_" Of course not" _

_I can still remember her moans, her kisses. Some nights I could still smell her in my skin and feel her hands in mine._

_"The other night…" I begin speaking, but she interrupts me._  
_"I did it for the same reason that you did. To get it out of my system" she says abruptly._

_I see. A sharp pang grew in my chest, and a sudden sour taste appeared in my mouth._

_"And is it…? Out of your system" I ask, trying to maintain my voice leveled._

_I think time stopped right that very moment. Never have I felt someone took so long in answering a question. It was merely seconds, but in my mind, it took forever._

_" Yes" _

_I couldn’t speak after that. I just nodded and left the room. There was nothing more I could say after that._

After that moment, I took a decision. I would erase Jude Duarte from my mind and body. 

And each night I took a different creature to my quarters, and tried and tried to vanish Jude from my thoughts, but each night it became even more difficult. Everything the other fairy did, I’d just ended up comparing it. And always lacking.  
More kisses, more sex, more wine, more laughs, but it always left me wanting something more. 

And now as I look at her, I could see what I was missing. The beating of my heart racing, my breathing rapidly, my skin shivering, my body reacting. All because of her.  
And she didn’t want me.

"My seneschal, " I spoke, bitterly, looking at her. " Are you ready to welcome Locke into your family? "

She looked at me like the little lamb caught by the big bad wolf. Scared and Timid. Asking for compassion, when I have none to deliver. Not after what she’s done with me.

"Nice dress" Is the only thing I could say.

Are you okay?  
Where were you hurt?  
Why?  
Who?  
All of those questions remain just in my mind.  
I wouldn’t ask her anything, she won’t answer anyway. 

"You shouldn’t be alone. Not tonight"

I wasn’t expecting that. Well… maybe?

"I hadn’t planned on it, "I answered, smiling or trying to. My anger was getting the better of me.  
"Good. But if you’re planning on taking someone to bed- or better yet, several someones- chose guards. And then have yourselves guarded by more guards"

I cannot believe what I’m hearing.  
Is she intentionally being obtuse? Can she not see how much I hurt? How much I feel? Does she really think I’m that kind of person?

"A veritable orgy"

What else could I say without losing any more of my pride?

"I command you not to allow yourself to be alone from tonight’s sundown to tomorrow’s sunup"

I draw back, I cannot breathe. I cannot believe her. The pain in my chest is unbearable.  
Can she be made of stone? No, I already know that…  
I cannot think like this! Not anymore!  
She wants me to be with someone else?! Is she that scared of Orlagh?! or is she that desperate of getting rid of me?! Of my annoying feelings?  
What the fuck? And she’s commanding me, yet AGAIN?! Can she not trust me ONCE?!  
Well, fuck her. 

"Your _wish_ \- No, strike that. Your _command_ is my command"

If I never see her again, it would be too soon. I leave without looking back.  
I enter the manor, people bowing and smiling at me, while all I want to do is scream, is hit something or someone, is having at least one ounce of control. I am the King, but I can’t even manage a human girl.  
People offers me wine, liquor, drinks of many kind, and I drink them all, for something that makes me forget, or at least deal in a better way.

“it’s supposed to be a celebration!” I scream, going to the yard “where is the groom and bride?”  
“Your majesty, in the maze” says one of the ladies there, “I can accompany you”

I smile. Anything, for a distraction. 

We walk where Nihuar and Mikkel are reunited, next to Randalin, while Fala sings a song.

I used to love being here at the maze, we had such good gatherings before any of this nonsense began. Where we could just laugh, dance and drink, and I was just one prince of many. Where my head wasn’t always in danger. 

“My king!” screams a voice, laughing, as music comes from an orchestra in the woods, with many of the assistants dancing and twirling, with a parade of colors and perfumes. I join them laughing, seeing at last Taryn and Locke appear behind a hidden road. Taryn looks more beautiful than ever, she was radiant, but something was not quite right. There was a special aura surrounding her, maybe happiness? I laugh aloud at that. 

“My king” says Locke, as soon as he hears me, and makes a bow. As he tries to stand, I see he leans on Taryn. And then, as he approaches, I can see him limping.

“Why are you limping?” I ask, smiling “has your wife already hurt you?”

Taryn laughs.

“My King, my husband fell last night, in search of my wedding gift,” she says, smiling.

Last night? Locke seems uncomfortable for some seconds, but then he hides away his expression. As more people come to congratulate them, I let the issue go, but I’m certain his wound and Jude’s are from the same origin. They fought. But why? Could it because of his marriage?

“My King,” says Madoc, approaching. He never says that.  
“Madoc,” I say, smiling.  
“I saw you talking with your Seneschal before. Most interesting, I must say”

Had he heard us? Had he heard her commanding me? He smiles.

“Father, you haven’t congratulated us” said Taryn, interrupting us, taking his father’s arm “Nor Jude, I’ve been looking for her…” she continues saying, looking around.  
“My dear, I wish you and your husband the very best for your marriage and life from here on,” he looks at Locke, “And be certain whatever you need, I’ll be there to help you. Take care of my precious little girl, Master of Revels, or else you’ll not have only Jude to fight with”

Locke laughs at that, and I can’t help feel something strange in my gut. I don’t like how he laughs, so openly. Is he not scared Jude will listen to any of this?

“Oh, I’ve dealt with Jude. She is not a problem”

At that, Taryn hits him in the arm, while Madoc just stares. I look at Locke, and he looks me back. He has the same look on his face as when we find out he was dating the Duarte’s sisters. A secret. I don’t like it. 

“Sister!” Vivi approaches, with that strange human girl Heather, and Oak by her side, “congratulations!” she yells, and for a minute I thought I’d find Jude next to them, but she is nowhere to be found.  
Better yet. 

I leave in search for better conversation, and found a group telling tales, while one of them performs. I sat next to them. And we spent most afternoon laughing and singing, then someone brought drinks. And finally, I got drunk.

Dinner was served at nightfall, and I found myself seated between Madoc and Locke. A special seat, no doubt. Taryn was seated next to Vivi, and her partner, while Jude was nowhere to be found yet again. I looked at her chair, at her plate, and nothing had been touched. Where was she?

“I can’t believe this!” Taryn exclaims suddenly to Oriana and Vivi, “where is she? I can’t believe she didn’t even wish me good luck,” as she throws a fork at the table.  
“But Taryn, she did come. I don’t know where she went” Vivi says, looking around “I swear to you,” holding her hand.  
“Then where did she go?” she asks, clearly upset. 

I didn’t know she cared about Jude.

“Maybe she’s on a secret mission” says Oriana, drinking “you know how she is, always a fight. Where is Oak by the way?”  
“Sleeping in one of the rooms,” answers Madoc, “one of my guards is watching.”  
“Oh, relax. Jude probably couldn’t tolerate you getting married, and left” Locke says. Madoc gives him a stern look.

“In times like this, it is not good to be alone, especially when we are at the brink of war” Randalin says, almost to himself, although Madoc and I heard him. We both look at him and then at ourselves.  
“Do you know something?” he asks, looking at me.

I deny it with my head. Should I worry? And in that subject, where is the Ghost and the Bomb? Where are they? Shouldn’t they worry about me? 

“Has anyone seen Nicasia?” I ask Randalin.

He denies it with his head.

“I’m pretty certain she didn’t come” says Nihuan, putting something alive in her mouth.

She didn’t? Locke invited her.  
I look at him, but he’s discussing something with Taryn. Would he even tell me if he knew where Nicasia is?  
Something is going on. I continue eating, trying to pretend nothing is wrong, when I see the Bomb behind some bushes, signaling me. I just know something is wrong. My heart starts beating faster and I can’t swallow any more food. Jude is in danger, I know it.

“Excuse me” I say, “More wine” and I approach the table with bottles, the bomb appears next to me.

“We have a problem,” she says “Jude’s gone.”  
“I know,” I answer, that much is obvious “Where is she?”  
“I don’t know,” she says “the Ghost is lost too”  
“Could they have disappeared together? suddenly asks the roach, next to her. A twinge of jealousy surges in my chest. “They have spent a lot of time together, and the Ghost has been alone for quite some time, maybe…”  
“What the hell are you taking about?! She hasn’t gone anywhere with him, SHE’S MISSING!!” I interrupt, screaming.

“Your majesty!” two guards appear at my shouting, I let them know I’m okay, just frustrated.

The Roach pulls me to the shadows, hiding.

“How do you know that?” The Roach asks, not even remotely scared by my shouting, merely curious. Is he serious?  
“Are you serious?” I ask. 

I must have look strange, because for the first time ever, they were looking at me with some kind of respect.

“Jude left with the Ghost hours ago, they went with Vulciber. They received a message, and went to the tower of forgetting”  
“And you haven’t gone there?” I ask, impatiently. Evidently, that’s the first place to look.  
“Jude told me to stay here and look out for you,” she answers. 

I still don’t understand how Jude made us so damn useless, almost like we won’t breath unless she told us so, like her puppets.

“Go, search for her” I speak slowly and in a tone that doesn’t allow doubts.

The Bomb looks at The Roach, and then disappears. He looks at me, and smiles.

“You do care for her. I knew it. We have a bet. I’m winning.” 

I roll my eyes at him and leave.

Amazing. Jokes. In times like this.  
I go near the table, and pretend everything is wonderful. Locke and Taryn do the toast, speak a few words, cheer, and the dancing begins again. This time I watch from afar, surrounded by darkness and some guards. I can’t help notice Grimsen isn’t here also. 

What would have Jude done if I had gone missing? Well, I’m more important than her, everybody would have been looking for me by now, so that’s that. But where did she go? Something must have happened with my brother. Maybe he ran away. Though Madoc is here. Maybe he’s involved. I look at him, he seems restless, he’s talking to some of his guards. Surely, Jude’s absence is more notorious now. Could Madoc be involved? 

“Oak is in his room” says The Roach, coming next to me.

I had thought that maybe the little imp had gone missing too, but no.  
Jude then is the only one.  
My crown is at my head, so they can’t crown another. I roll my eyes at my thoughts. Jude would have just laughed or hit me. Or both.  
A strange feeling, almost like sadness, comes through me. I feel lonely without her near.

The bomb comes running behind some guards, desperate. Again, my heart starts beating faster. Something is really wrong. I signal my guards so they let her get through. The Roach stands immediately.

“The tower is destroyed. The sea!” the Bomb says out of breath behind me, “there’s no one there. Your brother is gone and every prisoner is dead or in the sea”

Her eyes, she’s as scared as me. I’ve never seen her scared. The Roach is silent for some minutes. We actually don’t have any clue of what’s going on.  
My chest is tightening. What if…  
No. I’ll not think like that.

“We should go to our quarters. Maybe the ghost returned. He’ll tell us what happened. I’ll go” says The Roach, clearly anxious.

I nod.  
Madoc. Locke. The council. In that order they’ll answer me. That’s what Jude would have done, I’m certain.  
It’s time to leave. The party is over.  
We leave as fast as we can, and my mind is with Jude the whole journey.  
Where could she be? Could she be at the quarters? Could she be… dead?  
And my last words to her. 

I sit at my throne. The Bomb’s next to me.  
Not Jude. Her absence is palpable.  
A knock. The guards approach the doors of the hall.

“Come” I say. 

I’m on high alert, and my guards are too. They don’t let anybody come close.  
Madoc enters. He looks around, puzzled.

“What’s going on… Your Majesty?” he asks.  
“Jude”

He suspected that. He tries to come close, but my guards block him.

“May I come near?” he asks, clearly annoyed.  
“No” my face gives nothing away “Do you know where is she?”  
“She’s your seneschal, is she not?” he smiles.

I don’t answer and merely lift one of my eyebrows, letting him know I expect more from him.

“I talked to her after you did. When you arrived. Nothing else. I haven’t seen her since,” he answers, this time frowning.  
“What about Balekin?” I ask.  
“What about it? He’s in the Tower, unless Jude has made some very poor choices”  
“He’s gone”

I debated telling him anything, but I need him. Now that Jude is gone, I need his knowledge.

“Gone?! How?” he growls “Jude?”  
“Gone too” I answer, defeated.  
“What happened?” he asks.  
“The sea, it appears”

Seconds later the Roach appears, dirty, with his clothes torn, out of breath.

“Your majesty”

The guards stop him, while Madoc has his hand on his sword.

“Let him through!” I shout. The Bomb goes to him immediately.

“The Ghost set us up” he declares, and again that nauseating feeling grows in my gut, “He destroyed our lair. The catacombs. There are many of us injured, I got out just in time. He’s gone.” His voice rumble in the hall.

The Ghost betrayed us. Why?

“Where’s Jude?” I ask, rising.  
“She wasn’t there” he says, with a face that speaks a lot. He thinks she is with the Ghost.  
“That’s ridiculous!” screams Madoc “why would my daughter leave with him? To gain what exactly? She has everything she’s always wanted next to him” and points at me “Why would she sell him out? Oak is here, so the crown is out of the question” he looks at me and then at them. Nobody speaks.

Another knock.

“Come,” I say.

I don’t know why suddenly I imagine Jude entering and laughing at us for being ridiculous. How could we imagine she would become a traitor?

Randalin enters, followed by Nihuan and… my mother, with guards detaining her. 

A pang in my chest. Angers rises. What the hell?!

“Your majesty,” Randalin speaks, looks at Madoc and then at me “We found her near the Castle. She says she needs to talk to you, and seeing as she is your mother, we thought you may care”

I had forgot she was also at the Tower. Could she be involved?  
“Mother, weren’t you supposed to be at the Tower?” I ask.

Jude knew about her. At that moment I was certain: she was the one who told her about Balekin and Orlagh’s meetings.  
Of course.

“Cardan”

Just hearing her voice made me hurt inside. I try to remain still. My hands start shaking.

“Cardan, a strange human girl set me free. When the sea came”

At that, everyone in the room seemed to have been left out of air. 

“Talk,” my voice sounded deep and menacing.  
“Queen Orlagh came and took Balekin. I told that girl they were plotting, and she promised she would bring me to you if I told her what they talked about. And I did. But tonight, Orlagh appeared and killed everyone there, except Balekin and me. I almost drown, but she saved me. I asked her why and she said because of you. She didn’t demand anything… is was very bizarre”

I couldn’t speak after that. Nobody did.  
Jude knew about my mother. She had saved her.  
Now, I didn’t even get to be mad at her… when she does things like this. It’s not fair. 

What do I do? I look at them, and they look at me with something between fear and pity.

“Where’s Jude?” Madoc asks my mother.  
She denies with her head.  
“Orlagh,” she says, looking at him, “She took her.”

The doors open up again and here comes Locke with Taryn, Vivi, Heather and Oriana.  
“There’s a letter,” says Locke, “signed by the sea.”

She took her. She is down there. A human, in the sea.  
I stand up and walk to him. Every step I take it seems my heart beats even faster, my body gets heavier, and my chest tightens even more.

I take the letter and open it. I read it. I look at everyone.  
I’m out of words.  
Madoc takes the letter. Reads it out loud.

“Queen Orlagh declares Balekin her ambassador on earth, also demands that the Court of termites be destroyed, without a possibility of retaliation, in order to get Jude alive and well” he says, with a sense of finality, looking at me.

“This is serious” says Randalin, “I’ll get the council,” and he leaves the room.  
“No!” screams Oak, while Oriana caughts him “Where is she?!” he screams, fighting her. Taryn starts crying, while Locke holds her, and Vivi tries calming her brother.

“Cardan” I hear The Roach speaking to me.

I look at him.

“What do you want us to do?” he asks.

I swallow slowly. I look at him, then to Madoc, who’s also looking at me.

“Get my mother out of here,” I say.

“You should’ve let me declare war when I told you so!” Madoc screamed “Now, look what has happened! Your Seneschal is going to die if you don’t do something. Your kingdom will be lost. You should have killed Balekin when you had the chance!”

“Madoc!” I screamed, and the earth moved, the walls creaked and the glass of the windows shattered “Stop,” I closed my eyes, and felt a strange warmth in my hands and chest.  
I didn’t need him to rub my mistakes in front of everyone. 

“Cardan,” Locke spoke “Your majesty?”

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Everyone was staring at me. Like I was the King.  
And finally, I was.

“Leave. All of you” I pronounce, leaving the Hall.

I close my eyes.  
I could hear Jude’s voice again, only a few hours before, commanding me not to be alone.  
Surprise, surprise. I’m not alone now.  
The Roach and the Bomb follow me.

“Where’s Nicasia?” I ask.

They only move their heads.

“Find her, before she’s lost at sea as well”

We split ways and I walked to my chambers, stopping before entering. I turn away and decide to go to Jude’s room instead. I opened her door, with a minimum hope to find her. Of course, no one was there. Only her mess. I sat at her bed and let myself time to think.

“What would you do?”

I looked at her ring on my finger. The only thing I have that belongs to her.  
If she dies, what will I do? I wished her death so many times. I wished her ill more so. And now, she’s gone. No more feelings, no more commands. I look at the room, the lonely room, and it’s almost like I dreamt it. Like she didn’t exist. But she did. She does. I get up and walk around, searching for something. 

“If only…”

I can smell her still. I can remember the afternoon in that room. Our kisses. Our touches. I can feel her still touching me, kissing me, looking at me. We wasted so much time fighting. I wasted so much time hating her. And I want her. I’ve always wanted her, but now she’s gone. And may be gone forever. She’s mortal, no matter how stronger she seems or how deftly. 

I hide my face with my hands and lay in her bed. I’m exhausted, but my mind can’t seem to stop thinking. 

“You should kill Orlagh, declare war to the sea” I can hear her speaking.

Always killing, everything ends up with violence.

“No,” I answer her “You’ll die too”  
“Then what? Lose your reign for me?” she asks “I’ll die too”  
“no”

I open my eyes and see nothing. 

“Of course not, but declaring war is killing you. Queen Orlagh is proud. And Nicasia is jealous of you” I close my eyes as I speak. I can see her this way, with the dress I send her that time there was a bloodshed, looking beautiful, “Nicasia has always known you spark something in me”  
“Hate?” she smiles  
“No, more”  
“Vengeance?” 

I smile.

“Maybe sometimes. But she knows you matter to me”  
“I shouldn’t,” she says slowly.  
“Should I let others die for you?” I ask.

She just looks at me. And she looks more human than ever.

“What do you say?”

No one answers. I’m alone.  
I miss her.  
Someone knocks at the door.

“Your majesty, are you here?” says the Bomb.  
“Come”  
“Uhm, excuse me” she comes and stares at me, embarrassed “They are waiting for you”  
“Who?”  
“The council?”

Yes. Them.

“Nicasia?” I ask, already knowing the answer.  
“Gone,” she answers.

I get up and go face the council.  
For the first time, I’ll be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow I'll upload the 2º part, I hope.  
> And I expect to finish this chapter tomorrow.
> 
> Love the kudos and comments!! thank you for your support :)


	8. chapter 21 TWK part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's abduction.  
> It's long. So I separate it:
> 
> 1º part: cardan knows she's gone.  
> 2º part: how he deals with it  
> 3º part: finding Jude at the beach

e

“And there he is, the one to blame” Madoc was speaking.

As I enter, some of them, bows, others just stare.

“Am I to blame… for what?” I ask.  
“For Balekin’s escape,” he answers.  
“You are more worried about my brother’s disappearance than Jude’s?”

The air seemed to start buzzing that very moment. The ones who were near him started moving away, while I walked to him.

“We are here to discuss the probability of war, not my family”  
“Jude is my seneschal”  
“Jude might as well be dead now, thanks to you!”

At that, I stopped. My heart stopped for seconds.  
Randalin came near.

“Your majesty, maybe we should discuss the terms of surrender, rather than blame each other” and then looked at Madoc.  
“Surrender?” Madoc asked, looking at him “I’m not surrendering to anyone, less to a Queen”

I felt a strange pressure inside my chest. My hands had become really warm and could feel myself almost floating. 

“My King,” the voice of the Bomb, “Your Majesty!” 

I was in some kind of trance, and in that time, I had managed to enclose Madoc with some kind of air currents or so. He couldn’t move, and it looked like he was in some kind of pain. 

“You can pull this magic and do whatever you want to me” Madoc spoke “It won’t change the fact that you let her get captured! You and your bad decisions… and your bad judgment. You are merely a painting of a King, you don’t deserve that crown!”

I could feel everyone around me disappearing.

“Cardan,” the Roach’s voice “we need him if we want to go to war. Jude needs him. His army, his knowledge.”

“My King!” screams Nihuar “Stop!”  
“Your Majesty!” the voice of Randalin.

I could hear doors banging and windows shattering, but I only felt anger, hatred toward this man.

“Cardan”

He abducted her. He killed her parents. He made her that way.  
Just. Like. me.

Somewhere between all the voices I could see a face. It was Jude’s. She was scared. But, scared of me? She was a mess, had she returned? Suddenly, I stopped feeling angry, and everything slowed down, and it was like I could finally open my eyes. I could see the room again. Madoc fell to the floor, while the others were against walls, looking at me like I was some kind of monster. The Bomb and the Roach were embracing together.

“Cardan!” It was Locke’s voice.

Ah. It was not Jude. It was Taryn. She was crying next to him, in the other room, but now I had broken the doors and was able to see through.

“Bring my sister home,” she cried, holding on to Locke, while he stared at me.

I stared at Madoc, he was hurting, but still didn’t seem scared enough. He rose.

“When you are ready to talk, we’ll talk. Now, you’re not able to do anything but behave like a teenager. Though be quick about it, my daughter and the kingdom are waiting.” 

And with that Madoc left the room. The council soon followed him.

“What was that?” asked Locke, coming closer.

I looked at him, then at her, and oh, how I wished she was Jude. I felt myself trembling.

“You better rest, your majesty,” says The Bomb, coming closer, slowly, touching my arm.

I looked at her then nodded. 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I sleep restlessly. Images of Jude drowning came to my head, screaming at me, screaming for me, and I couldn’t reach her. I didn’t know where she was. And then my memories decided to attack me. To that time before when I was cruel when I mocked her; when I wanted to hit her, to humiliate her; even at the wedding, our last exchange. Now, I was alone. Now I was free to do as I pleased. And now, I no longer wanted to. 

We had multiple meetings through the week: with the council, with the Roach and The Bomb, trying to decide what to do, but no matter what choice I took, someone always ended up dying. To kill an entire court just to give Orlagh what she wants, and Balekin of course… and maybe a chance for Jude to live. To deny them, to attack the sea, would mean certain death of many of my people and them, but also Jude’s.

“We must surprise them. We must hit first!” says Madoc, banging the table “if we want to win, casualties will occur”  
“The termite’s court is a small one,” says Mandalin, looking at me “it’s better to have war with them, than the sea”

I never did understand how hard the King’s job would be. What tough choices must be made. The real responsibility behind wearing this crown. I never thought it would be a real possibility for me, then it became a bloodbath for my family, leaving me with only one brother and certain death; then a game between me and Jude, or so I thought. Now it cost me her freedom, and maybe her life; maybe thousands, soon. All because of one choice. My choice.

“Send a message to Orlagh, tell her I will marry Nicasia. But she must set Jude free first, and no bloodbath” I say.

My phrase is met with derision and mockery.

“Too late for that” murmurs Nihuar.  
“She won’t agree…” Madoc replies “She knows now what you want, that’s why she abducted Jude. And Balekin won’t be useful in that plan. No. It’s too late for that”  
“We must try!” I say.  
“Your majesty, Queen Orlagh won’t offer her daughter again. After a rejection” says Baphen, while the seelie and unseelie representative nod. “You’ve humiliated her”  
“I can’t have war,” I reply.  
“This is not the time to behave stupidly, you’ll have war whether you want to or not, the question is with whom!” answers Madoc, opening some maps, “I think we should have people here and here”

And starts making strategy, while the others listen. I don’t know what to do, how to make them hear me. Jude would know.  
Fuck, I’m useless.  
I leave the room fast. I’m overwhelmed. I walk until I reach the throne. That chair. All that has happened because of it. All the blood-splattered. I hold my head, trying to think.  
I’ve been stupid. I’ve been selfish and naïve. I’ve been cruel. And I’m embarrassed by it. I didn’t pay attention to my lessons when I should. I don’t know how to fight, I’m only good at drinking and dancing. Balekin was right. I’m no use as a King.

I see the roses blooming near the throne. I can smell them. Why? Why should they bloom? As I look, I can see the door of the lair open. I walk slowly, feeling all my memories at that place resurface. As I come near, I can see the place filled with roses; every space just covered in plants, did I do this? Somehow the stones give away to roots, and roots to flowers that bloomed. How come I can do this but not save her? What use has this power if I can’t save her? 

“Who’s the King?”

Suddenly, I hear her voice. I close my eyes.

“You,” I reply, whispering.

I can imagine her making a face at me.

“Don’t let Madoc rule. He only has his best interest at heart. He won’t save your kingdom, he’ll only save himself.”  
“How should I save you?” I ask.

“Save your kingdom.”

“I want to save you,” I murmur.

“You are the King. You must save your people.”

“I don’t want any of this. I just want you”. 

After saying it, I felt my heart racing, and it was almost like a curtain had open in front of my eyes. I needed to accept what I wanted. I needed to deal with my choices. And I wanted her.

“You can’t. You mustn’t. You’re better than them,” her voice again.  
“Am I?”  
“I chose you, didn’t I?”

Chose?  
She did.  
She chose me instead of Balekin. Not a very tough choice, but she did.  
She chose me instead of her father. To guard her brother’s place. She trusted me to do so. She believed in me.

“Why?” I ask to the air. 

She’s gone.  
Why would she believe in me? And she even lay with me. She trusted me enough to let me be with her. It wasn’t only that I was the weakest one, at least not the only reason; maybe she did saw something in me, something good. Something to be saved. She did seem to like me some moments, maybe even care.  
“I hate you so much that sometimes I can’t think of anything else,” her words.  
I must rise, I must be worthy of her, of her trust.  
I can’t let go.  
I return to the room. 

“If we go now, we could begin our attack in 4-5 days at the most” Madoc was saying, before I interrupted.

“We will talk with Orlagh. I will agree to what she says, but we’ll warn the Court of Termites”

Everybody stayed silent.

“Your majesty?” asked Baphen, confused.  
“I am,” I say, “And I have made my choice. If we must go to war, I choose the court of Termites”  
“Queen Orlagh will attack, later on, we must attack her now!” Madoc says, baffled. 

I’m done with him.

“No!” I screamed “I am the King, and I decide what we should do! We will give them the court of Termites, but I will have Jude. And then we will plan what to do with Orlagh, but not a minute before”  
“You are not thinking with your head” Madoc answers.  
“Am I now? She’s your daughter, don’t you care?” I ask, perplexed.  
“She is your seneschal” he replies.  
“I am your King,” I say, standing taller “and I will be obeyed or else, is that clear?” I look at the council.

Finally, silence.  
Afterward, they nod and bow.

“We will send a letter to the sea, to plan when will they deliver Jude unharmed. And we will warn the court of Termites”  
“If you warn them…” says Mandalin, “Orlagh could see it as treason, and kill the seneschal just the same”  
“They don’t want them to defend themselves. They want the benefit of surprise” says Nihuar, “we must remain silent.”  
“Many will die,” I reply.  
“Yes. Casualties of war” answers Madoc, looking straight at me, “If you want to play a King, then act like it. Hard decisions must be made”

I can’t imagine a world where Jude isn’t in it. I must gamble and I bet for her life. 

“Do it,” I say.  
“No chance for regrets,” Madoc lifts from the table “I’ll prepare my people. We’ll be heading to the sea, then?”  
“We will, but to get Jude. Nothing else”

He nods. And leaves the room.

After that, we get ready. Letters were sent. And I waited for Orlagh’s reply. 

It came three days later. I hadn’t been able to sleep for more than two hours at the most. My thoughts were baffling. And not even liquor could help me.  
They had agreed, but Balekin was to be made the ambassador of the sea on earth. I agreed.  
And then, I prepared to save Jude. To meet her again. And hope it wouldn’t be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to post part 3 tomorrow


	9. chapter 24 TWK (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's abduction.  
> It's long. So I separate it:
> 
> 1º part: cardan knows she's gone.  
> 2º part: how he deals with it  
> 3º part: finding Jude at the beach

“Finally,” I whisper.

I’m at the beach, the wind is blowing, it’s actually hot, but I feel cold all over. I’m shivering, my hands and feet are cold. I keep looking at the sea, waiting for a sign. People go around me, walking, talking, eating, almost like a celebration, and I couldn’t feel further from that.

The Bomb and the Roach are on high guard today. They believe all could be a trap. Just like Madoc. He’s beside me, with green and golden guards around us. Archers on trees. More guards are hidden, waiting. Orlagh said it would be at noon. I’ve been waiting since 12, and I’ve just seen the tide grow. 

“She will be here,” Taryn says behind me. She’s crying. Locke is nowhere to be found. 

“Your majesty, would you like some wine?” some servant offers for the third time, and it’s the third time I refuse. I want to be clear minded when I see her. 

I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s dead. Or worse. We talk about it yesterday. If she’s injured, in a coma, I wouldn’t know how to get her back. The Roach said I could bring her back. That I’m the King of Fairy.  
I still don’t know how to control my power. How to do anything besides growing roses. How could I cure her? When Orlagh agreed, she didn’t even mention how Jude was, if she was ill or anything. And I didn’t ask for proof of life. They could just be lying. 

For the fifth time I touch my forehead, I’m sweating. The crown is getting heavier.

“King,” Madoc says “You seem to be unwell”

I do not answer.

“You’re not fit for battle”

I look at him.

“I’m not here to battle,” I answer.  
“Everything from now on is a battle, and you should know that. You and me. Jude and me. You and Jude,” every word enunciated with malice. His eyes shining.

The battle with the court of Termites was short. But effective. Orlagh killed almost everyone, and Lord Roiben’s consort was wounded. Maybe dead by now. I don’t know. Actually, right now, I only care about Jude. Lord Roiben would seek vengeance, he would come to me, probably try to kill me, but I couldn’t care less. Not right now. 

“There!”

A scream. Seagulls. The tide grew even more and with that turtles appear, merfolks and even sharks, with red banners. One by one like a parade.  
My heart beats faster. I search for her, but I can’t find her.  
Not even Orlagh has appeared yet.

“Do you see what we are against?” Madoc spoke.

“Where is she?” The bomb says, anxiously.  
“There!” 

The Roach points at a turtle with a mermaid. And then I see the mermaid holding someone up. The figure was bent, and as it rises, I see her. And my heart drops. It was the dress she was wearing, but now her figure, how she filled it that day, was nowhere to be found. She looked emaciated, almost like dry. Her cheeks were hollow, her eyes were lost; she was so thin, it looked like she couldn’t even keep herself straight without the help of the mermaid. She had wounds in her arms, and maybe more. I couldn’t see right. Someone beside me gasp. Another started crying. Madoc coughed, turn his eyes downward. 

“Oh, my Lord”  
“That’s… that’s the seneschal?”  
“Is she alive?” Nihuar spoke.  
We were all shocked.  
Even if we once believed Jude to be immortal, now we knew she wasn’t. All that was Jude, all her strength, her shine, was gone. It was merely a corpse on a turtle. I just wish her spirit wasn’t lost yet.

I wanted to run to her. To take her away from here and protect her. But I couldn’t. 

More beings surface, and at last, Queen Orlagh emerges next to Balekin and Nicasia. She moves to the center of her parade, dress like a queen. Surrounded by guards, protected. Balekin wears Orlagh’s colors. Traitor. 

"King of Elfhame, as we agreed, now that you have paid my price, I have secured the safe return of your seneschal. And I bring her to you escorted by the new Ambassador of the Undersea, Balekin, of the Greenbriar line, son of Eldred, your brother. We hope this choice will please you, since he knows so many customs of the land"

Safe return of my seneschal? Safe?! Do you call that safe?! She’s half of what she was!

"You promised her whole and hale " I say, trying to keep my voice firm.  
"And you can see she is so, " Orlagh says. "My daughter Nicasia, Princess of the Undersea, will help her to the land with her own royal hands. "  
"Help her? "says Cardan. " She ought to need no help. You have kept her in the damp and the cold for too long."

As I’m speaking, I notice how I’m losing my grip. I’m getting angrier. I can’t risk another battle, less with Jude in the middle.

"Perhaps you no longer want her, "Orlagh says. "Perhaps you would bargain for something else in her place, King of Elfhame. "

“No” I hear Taryn’s voice “please, Cardan”

Of course not.

"I will have her, " I say, anyway I can, anyhow, no matter what, "and my brother will be your ambassador. It shall all be as we agreed"

Nicasia smiles. Helps Jude out of that damn turtle and away from that mermaid and they start walking. I’m afraid she’ll trip anytime, it looks like she can barely walk. Nicasia is holding her. I nod towards two knights who move towards Jude as she approaches the shore.  
As she finally sets foot on land, she stops for a minute. Almost like she doesn’t believe it. She rises, and I finally look at her real eyes, at her real face. She’s finally in front of me, and I feel helpless. She looks destroyed. If once I wished seeing her like this, I regret it. The pain I feel is almost indescribable. I can feel my hands shake, my throat burning as the wind begins to howl, and the waves start getting bigger. The trees began rocking, and my people start getting restless.  
It was just for mere seconds, before she disappeared in the crowd.  
And I can’t look back. I want to go with her, but I can’t. 

"We are not yet at war, " says Orlagh. "Nor are we yet at peace. Consider well your next move, king of the land, now that you know the cost of defiance. "

I’ve never wanted to kill someone. Now I do.

“That bitch,” whispers The Roach.

I don’t let my face changes. I won’t give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she has affected me. I stand still. Madoc looks at me.

“Should we make a move?” he asks.

He’s asking for a fight. He wants to fight her. Even my guards have their hands on their weapons. It seems like my spirit has invaded them. Even the weather changed after Jude appeared. Everything is hostile. But I will not have more blood. Even if I want hers. At least not know. I need to see Jude.

Balekin approaches the shore. Smiling. He gets off his turtle and walks slowly until he’s in front of me.

“Your majesty,” he says, mockingly.

I frown.

“Brother, how good of you to join us” I say, smiling.  
“You will regret everything you’ve done to me”  
“Likewise. Guards, escort my brother to his chambers, I believe he needs to rest”

Guards surround him, he seems surprised at the beginning, but then he bows and leaves with them.

“Young King” says Orlagh, suddenly “I will not stand dirty games. Balekin will be alive and well or else”

I smile.

“He’ll be as whole as Jude is” and after that, I signal my guards and we start moving. 

Madoc stays behind, while I return to palace.  
As I pass by, I can see the great number of warriors standing by. If Madoc ever goes against me, I’ll need a lot of help. I don’t know how many of these warriors are faithful to the crown. Just like Dain and Balekin. I’m just like them. Power seduces. But right now, I must look after Jude.

As I arrive to castle, the first thing I do is go to Jude’s room. I slowly open her door, but she’s not there.  
Mood swing. Where is she? What if she was abducted again? Taken somewhere? Maybe she’s wounded… I ran to the door just in time to see the Roach standing outside.

“My king” says the Roach, almost amused “Madoc said that Jude wanted to be at her house and rest”  
“Rest?” I asked. She never wanted to rest,  
“Well, she did seem... tired” he says, avoiding looking at me.

I sigh and return to her room, staring at her things, at her bed. I wanted to be near her. But maybe she needed to be far from here in order to get some rest. Maybe she is traumatized. Maybe she won’t return.

“What if she doesn’t want to come back?” I ask, thinking outloud.  
“Your Majesty,” he looks at me “remember what we talked about?”

No? 

“She disappeared with the ghost. Maybe they have a plan with Balekin. We don’t know. Your crown is at stake here”

No. Now I’m certain, after seeing her. She would have never agreed to a plan that left her so humiliated. 

“She’s emaciated. You think that’s part of their plan? And if so, where’s the ghost?”  
“Maybe it’s all a trick. We don’t know”  
“You’re paranoid”  
“That might very well be, but better safe than sorry”

I look at her bed.

“I was afraid. Afraid she would be dead,” I say, timidly.

He sits on one of the chairs.

“Me too. But she’s strong. She’s smart”  
“But look how she is now” I say, covering my face, feeling finally the sorrow, the fear, all coming back to me.  
“We got her back. Now we must know if she’s still on our team”

I sigh.

“She has never been on my team”

He smiles.

“I believe she has, my King.” And he smiles, almost like he knows something, “I have eyes… and ears”

I blush.

“You should go on and rest. We’ll look out for you”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I leave to my room. I get undress and lay in my bed. She’s finally close to me. But not close enough.

As I close my eyes I imagine her again with the dress I gave her, fierce, dancing. Smiling. Fighting. And she looks at me with desire. Just like in the lair. Not the Jude I saw now, the Jude from before. I get shivers. She gets close to me, touches my face, my chest, and she moves to kiss me.  
I miss her kisses.  
I close my eyes again in the dream, and can almost feel her lips moving. I moan in the darkness. And I finally dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it's over!  
> Next chapter, finally, Jude and Cardan meet once again! yay!


	10. chapter 26 TWK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude and Cardan meet after Jude's abduction. Yay!

Chapter 26

Two days since she returned. And they tell me she’s sleeping. How much does a human sleep anyway?  
I spend those days planning with Madoc and the council what we’ll do with Orlagh and now, Lord Roiben.

Tonight, I went to bed early. I read before sleeping, something about our history, something to give me a glance of what to do. Jude would know, of course.  
Lately, all my dreams begin and end with her.  
It’s really strange, I swear I could feel Jude’s smell sometimes.  
I toss in my bed and try to go back to the dream I was having. Jude was begging, naked, on the floor and she was enjoying it. Until I hear a sound, and then my face is being pressed against my pillow, asphyxiating me. I bite hard, feeling blood, but the person doesn’t let go. In panic, I move my arm, until I find the person’s face and I squeeze, until I reach its neck and press. There I open my eyes and I find Jude fighting me, on top of me, and I realize it was her smell, and it was her skin. She came.  
Is this a dream? Why is she choking me? is this like some dark fantasy? I shouldn’t choke her, hell I don’t want to fight this. And I let go, smiling. She seems confused and then she comes closer.

"He sent me to kill you"

I shiver as I feel her voice, her smell, her warmth in my neck. I’m amazed at this dream. What the hell did I eat? I didn’t drink, I’m sure. I touch her, her arms, her back, her waist. She seems thinner. That’s bizarre. I always dream of the Jude at the party.  
Oh, never mind. I pull her to me and we roll on the bed, so she is on top of me. She looks different, but feels the same. She finally takes her hand off my mouth. She seems really confused. I can see her blushing. Why? In my dreams she’s always risky and…  
Wait- Is this real? Oh, my. It is real. She’s here. She came.  
…Wait, how?

"Balekin and Orlagh are planning your murder"

And I look at her. My heart beats faster, my body reacts to her nearness, my skin warms up, and I can feel my hand making little circles in her hip. What is she wearing? I could swear they look like my old clothes. 

"Yes, so why did I wake up at all? "  
"Because I am difficult to charm, " she answers.

That she is.  
And I can’t control myself, I touch her face like I wanted to do all these past days. I touch her hair, her cheekbones, her lips. I want to kiss her. I want to hug her, I want to tell her all that I’ve done, that I’ve thought. And I want to know what she has been through, what they did to her.

"I could have told my brother that"  
"If you hadn’t allowed Madoc to bar me from seeing you, I might have told you all this sooner. I have information that cannot wait"

What? Ban her? They told me she wanted to rest.  
Aha! I was right. It was odd. She never rests. 

"I know not of what you speak. Madoc told me that you were resting and that we should let you heal."  
"I see. And in the interim, Madoc would no doubt take my place as your advisor. He gave your guards orders to keep me out of the palace"  
"I will give them different orders"

And I sit.  
She lays her head in my pillow, and it’s like she has always belonged there.  
I think it is time to talk, even though it’s the first time we see each other after a month, and she should be resting. But she’s all work, no fun, so should I, then. She has always been like that, I guess I’ve never seen her truly enjoying herself. Maybe with Locke that one time, and maybe with me at the lair, where she just let go.  
Maybe she should let go, and maybe I should do the job I’m supposed to. Now, I know what it involves. Now, I know the consequences. She has always endured big decisions. If I want to be worthy, I should too. I am the High King. And I cannot lose her again. Not when she’s so fragile. She almost died because of me.

"Cardan? "

She’s looking at me strange. And I just notice I was staring at her. 

"A representative from the Court of Termites came to see me. She told me something--" she goes on saying.

I knew this was coming. 

"What they asked in exchange for you, I know all the things you will say. That it was foolish to agree to pay their price. That it destabilizes my rule. That it was a test of my vulnerabilities, and that I failed it. Even Madoc believed it was a betrayal of my obligations, although his alternatives weren’t exactly diplomatic, either. But you do not know Balekin and Nicasia as I do—better they think you are important to me than to believe what they do to you is without consequences. "

She shudders. Is she still frightened of them? Is she actually traumatized?

"I have thought and thought since you were gone, and there is something I wish to say. When my father sent me away, at first I tried to prove that I was nothing like he thought me. But when that didn’t work, I tried to be exactly what he believed I was instead. If he thought I was bad, I would be worse. If he thought I was cruel, I would be horrifying. I would live down to his every expectation. If I couldn’t have his favor, then I would have his wrath. Balekin did not know what to do with me. He made me attend his debauches, made me serve wine and food to show off his tame little prince. When I grew older and more ill-tempered, he grew to like having someone to discipline. His disappointments were my lashings, his insecurities my flaws. And yet, he was the first person who saw something in me he liked—himself. He encouraged all my cruelty, inflamed all my rage. And I got worse"

She doesn’t say anything, so I go on.

"I wasn’t kind, Jude. Not to many people. Not to you. I wasn’t sure if I wanted you or if I wanted you gone from my sight so that I would stop feeling as I did, which made me even more unkind. But when you were gone—truly gone beneath the waves—I hated myself as I never have before"

"Perhaps I am foolish, but I am not a fool. You like something about me. "

She makes a face, but she doesn’t deny it. I smirk. 

"The challenge? My pretty eyes? No matter, because there is more you do not like and I know it. I can’t trust you. Still, when you were gone, I had to make a great many decisions, and so much of what I did right was imagining you beside me, Jude, giving me a bunch of ridiculous orders that I nonetheless obeyed. "

She looks at me like I’m crazy. Maybe I am. I laugh.

"Either I’ve surprised your or you are as ill as Madoc claimed"

As I finish speaking, two shadows appear on the wall and as I turn to look, the Roach is pointing Jude with a crossbow, with the Bomb behind him with daggers in her hands.

Of course, they’d believe Jude had come to kill me. I roll my eyes at them. Why would she wake me up if she wanted to kill me?

"Please get out of the bed, Your Majesty" the bomb repeats.  
"I should be the one…" Jude interrupts.

I get out of bed.  
Oh, I’m naked. I forgot. Maybe that could have made Jude a little bit confused. I smile, before covering with my robe.  
I sit in a chair and look at my audience. Jude is looking at me. The Roach asks her again to empty her pockets. The Bomb takes a vial from her. That’s weird. She didn’t poison me. At least, I think. I don’t feel bad.

"Here we go. Where did you get this? " the Bomb asks.  
"From Balekin, who tried to glamour me to murder Cardan because he needs him dead to persuade Grimsen to make him his own crown of Elfhame. And that is what I came to tell the High King. I would have told you first but I couldn’t get to the Court of Shadows” " Jude says.  
Well, I believe that could be true. She did try confessing. But I didn’t let her speak.

"If I was really glamoured, would I have told you any of that? " Jude asks again.  
"Probably not. But It would make for a quite clever piece of misdirection" The Bomb replies.  
"I can’t be glamoured. It’s part of a bargain I made with Prince Dain, in exchange for my service as a spy"

She looks at them, then me.  
I inhale slowly. Dain. He had offered that. I still remember how we trick her that time with the fruit. How upset she was. How embarrassed. Is not surprising she wouldn’t want someone controlling her. But to bargain with Dain? It was almost as dangerous as bargaining with Balekin or worse.  
Now I know I’ll never be able to glamour her. Pity.

They start arguing about believing her, until the Roach turns to me.

"Try her, " he says.  
"Your pardon? "

When did everyone lose every inch of respect for me?

"Don’t be such a prickly rose, Your Majesty. I’m not giving you an order, I’m suggesting that if you tried to glamour Jude, we could find out the truth"

I sigh. I look at her. She draws back immediately at his words. 

"Jude? " I ask her.  
"Go ahead, " she answers.

I wish it could work.  
I feel my body reacting, my heart speeds up, my hair stands up.

"Crawl to me, " I speak as seductively as I can, my voice two or three tones lower, I smile as I see her cheeks reddening. I can feel all my power being directed to her, I’m burning. If I get to finish my dream, I would be extremely happy.  
And for some seconds, I believe she’ll kneel. But she doesn’t. 

"Satisfied? " she asks.

No.  
She starts telling how everything went, how the Ghost betrayed her and us, while they tell them how our lair got destroyed.

"Now that we’re all on the same dreary page, we must discuss what to do next" I say.  
"If Balekin thinks he can get me into the masquerade, then let him bend his will toward that aim. I’ll play along" and then she looks at me "Or I could just kill him"

Death? Is that all they think about?

"You did good, kid, you know that? You came out of the sea even tougher that you went in"The Roach says laughing, touching Jude.

I can’t help recoil at his words. Incredibly, I had forgotten about last month, Jude being swollen by the sea, how close she was to dying. That can’t happen again. I need to regain control. I need to focus.

"Balekin is the Ambassador of the Undersea. He’s protected by Orlagh. And she has Grimsen and a mighty desire to test me. If her ambassador was killed, she would be very angry, "I say.  
"Orlagh attacked the land already. The only reason she hasn’t declared outright war is that she’s seeking every advantage. But she will. So let the first blow be ours, " she replies.

I shake my head. Is like she wants to die.

"He wants to have you killed. Grimsen has made that a condition of Balekin getting the crown" she insists.  
"You should have the hands of the smith. Cut them off at the wrists so he can make no more trouble, " the Bomb says.  
"I will find him tonight, " the Roach says.

I can’t believe them.

"The three of you have one solution to every problem. Murder. No key fits every lock. Someone tries to betray the High King, murder. Someone gives you a harsh look, murder. Someone disrespects you, murder, " I say.

Jude looks at me, and the more I look at her, the more I noticed the little changes. Her hollowed cheeks, how big her clothes are, how dry her skin looks. How tired she must be. 

"I find the more I listen, the more I am reminded that I have been awakened after very little sleep. I am going to send for some tea for myself and some food for Jude, who looks a bit pale"

I go to the door, and send for some food. And then as they knock I receive it. I don’t want any alarm at this hour. Jude immediately sits and starts eating. I can’t help felling satisfied that she’s actually following orders. Even if she doesn’t know it.

"The masquerade tomorrow. It is to honor Lord Roiben of the Court of Termites. He has come all this way to yell at me, so we ought to let him. If Balekin’s assassination attempt keeps him busy until after that, so much the better. Roach, if you can spirit away Grimsen to somewhere he won’t cause any trouble, that would be most helpful…"

Then I speak to Jude what I believe Orlagh’s plan are.

"So what? Our choice is to endure her games, no matter how deadly, or engage in a war we cannot win? "

I shake my head.

"We show her that I am no feckless High King"  
"And how do we do that? " she asks.  
"With great difficulty, since I fear she is right"

We try and plan what to do at the masquerade, but soon sleep takes a hold of Jude, and I can see her dozing off on that chair. The Roach and the Bomb decide to carry Jude to her room in the Castle, while I try to convince them why she should sleep in mine. Or not sleep. But I’m not very convincing apparently, because she ends up being carried to her room.  
At least I get to finish that dream after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, nothing too exciting, but next chapter we get a kiss!! 
> 
> Did you all hear about the new book? we get more Cardan!!! I'm so excited, I hope Holly will give us some Cardan insight in some of the chapters I've posted of her three books, it would be amazing to get the real thing. Maybe I got close to what she wrote (I can dream, right?)


	11. Chapter 27 & 28 TWK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan gets poisoned and Jude comes to the rescue.

Chapter 27

Today was the Masquerade, and my future as king would be decided. If I’d die, if I’d begin a war or if I’d finally acquire the peace I so longed for. I needed to look as much as a King as I can. I needed people to start listening to me, specially Jude. I needed to show her I can do this. I need to stop being her puppet. This is my Kingdom, I need to do this. I’m able. And maybe she can stand by my side, but I’ll not be anyone’s puppet anymore.

I look at the mirror, and the mirror looks back at me. I could enhance any part of me I wanted to see better, and I did it with my face. My eyes looked really strange, but I hadn’t done anything weird. I hadn’t smoke, and only drank some liquor I’ve always had in my room. I touch the face in the mirror and I could swear it started changing, my eyes suddenly became really black, and my face started elongating, with black scales appearing in my cheeks and hands, almost like, like a snake…

I fell to the floor, shocked. I looked at my hands and they were as always, but the mirror reflected them black, cover in scales. And it looked feral. 

"What are you? " I screamed.

The snake just looked at me, it was about to attack.

"Is this real?" I asked.

It attacked me. I fell backwards with my crown dropping to the ground. I was sweating and couldn’t see straight. My breathing was so rapid, I couldn’t stand it. It was like I was drowning. I look back at my crown, it was covered in blood. I move away fast, and the snake did the same, it sort of crawled to the edge of the mirror, looking at me. It was getting bigger.  
Suddenly the floor started moving, I hold on to the mirror as the floor tilted. I could swear my feet were hanging in the air, while I hold on to dear life.

"Guards!" I scream, but my voice didn’t come out.

Jude, I thought. She would know what to do. And as I did, I saw her in the mirror, next to the snake. She was covered in blood, pale, sweating and had a sword in her hands.

"What…?!"

Was this a memory or…  
And suddenly everything stopped. My feet were on the ground again and I could see myself in the mirror. No snake. No Jude. Just me.

"What the hell happened?" I whispered. I turn around and my crown was still on the ground, shining. I took it.

"My father died, my brothers and sisters for you " I was talking to the crown. I could feel it burning in my hands."Are you worth it? "

No one answered. I looked at the mirror again and just saw me, with my crazy eyes. I put the crown on my head and stared. My legs started shaking. Was I that nervous? I’ve done this a thousand times now, how can I be so nervous? I walked to the door, almost tripping once with my bed. The second time I actually fell. 

"Your majesty?"

Four guards appeared at my door.

"Are you alright?" they asked.

I could stand, but as I looked at them, I understood I was seeing double. They were two, because the other two had the same face and were actually blurry. What was going on? Had that snake done something to me? I wasn’t bitten.

"I believe not," I answered, "call my seneschal"

"No," one of them answered.

The other took my arm and pull me to the hall.

"You are needed, my King"

I couldn’t fight. I could barely walk. Suddenly their faces started changing, they were as black as the snake. I couldn’t get away. They brought me to where the masquerade was happening, and released me a few steps before the door. 

"They are all waiting for you," one of them said.  
"You want to rule? You must rise to the occasion"

They were talking really strange, but somehow, I understood them. 

"The snake? "I asked.

They smiled. I don’t know how I knew that. And abruptly, they faded away. I ended up alone in the darkness. I could hear the music in the Hall. I looked at my hands, they were black again.

"Your majesty? "

I looked up again. The guards had returned. How?

"Are you going in?"  
"How can I go in looking like this?" And I twirl. I actually twirled.

The both look at me strange.

"You don’t see it?" I asked. I was a snake.

The both deny with their heads.

"Am I your King?"I asked, laughing. 

Everything around me was moving.

"Yes," they both answer in unison. Their voices were loud, but deep.

Why do they talk like that? Is this a dream? If Jude is in here, then definitely is a dream. She has been kidnapped. She’s at sea. Why am I going in there?

"What’s in there?" I asked.  
"The masquerade, my King, " one answered.

They had told me, right? I love disguises. Yes! Maybe Jude will be disguised. I could see her one last time.

"Alright" I said, holding on to one of them.

One opened the door, while the other tried pushing me in, I didn’t let go. 

"You go first" I tell the one at the door.

One guard enters, the other looks at me, and then with a sigh enters the room with me behind, holding on to his cape. As they both step aside, I’m forced to let the cape go, and try to stand up straight, but it’s getting really difficult.  
People are looking at me strange.  
Why is this music playing? I don’t like this.  
I take one step and my body just loses every balance and gravity pulls me to the floor. I fall deafeningly and everyone stares. I start laughing because I don’t know what else to do. I can barely walk anyway. I get up slowly with the help of a chair, before my guards come in my rescue, and all around me I notice there are instruments, musicians, looking at me. I laugh again. Maybe I could play? I haven’t done it in a while. I snatch a lute and climb on a table, because why not? If I’m making a fool, why not doing it all the way. I smile and start singing one of the songs I like the most, one that Balekin taught me when I was a teen. I know they’ll like it, and soon they all start dancing.

Yes, these are my people!

As I finish the song, I jump to the floor, of course, failing obviously, and landing on my side. The same guards rush to my rescue and help me stand, but I brush them off. I’m alright!  
I found Lord Roiben watching me.

"How is that for an introduction? " I say to him, doing a curtsy "I am no dull monarch"

Lord Roiben puts on a face, approaching me.

"Your majesty, I have come to ask you to allow me vengeance for my people. We were attacked and now we wish to respond"

What? That already happen? Am I not dreaming? Did we meet with the sea? Oh! is that why we are having a masquerade!!! I laugh. Jude is here then! And I look at the crowd, before looking at Roiben again. What was the plan, again? No war. Got it. 

"They say you’re a specialist in bloodshed. I suppose you want to show off your skills" I wag my finger at him, he’s looking rather upset, "Yet that you must forgo, I’m afraid you’ve come a long way for nothing. At least there’s wine! " and I raise my arms, and feel the magic flowing through me, peeling our food while wine flowed from goblets.

"I’ve been practicing a skill of my own" and I start laughing. People laugh with me. 

I began twirling, trying to move without falling, certainly my crown is not helping, covering part of my eye, when I feel a hand on my shoulder, succeeding in stopping me. 

"Oh ho! " Jude is alive and here! "My darling seneschal. Let us take a turn around the room"

I’m so excited! She’s in my arms! We are dancing again! I’m touching her! Or trying to dance, I stumble and she pulls me to her, achieving not letting me fall to the ground.  
I smile. She’s always so useful.

"Cardan. This is no meet behavior for the High King" she says, clearly annoyed.

Why? What did I do? I giggle. She’s always so damn serious! I’m just so happy she is with me. I look at her eyes, those eyes I’ve missed so much, her mouth, her skin, her smell. I’m in love with her. I want to kiss her.

"Cardan, you must not do this. I order you to pull yourself together. I command you to drink no more liquor and to attempt sobriety"

She’s looks so beautiful angry at me… and she tries ordering me around? Even now? Why is she always so cute? I look at her smiling. I can notice she’s very confused. She looks so adorable. My tiny, vulnerable, human.

"Yes, my sweet villain, my darling god. I will be as sober as a stone carving, just as soon as I can"

And I come near her, I look into her eyes, and I just want to be near her. I close my eyes and touch her lips with mine. I close in on her, pull her from her waist to my body, then with both my hands touching her face, guiding her. I ask for permission with my tongue, I touch one of her lips, and she opens up, letting me in. I can feel her strength, her desire, in the way she kisses me back, her hands push me to her, and I forget every song, every dance, everyone. One of my hands go to her neck, feeling her warmth, the one I’ve miss so much in my dreams, and as her tongue touches mine I can feel my body reacting, no more swaying, no more falling, she’s with me. Suddenly, she pulls back, looking astonished. Did she… rejected me again?

"Sweet Jude. You are my dearest punishment" I whisper, looking into her eyes.

I let her go, feeling my chest aching, and while trying to move back, I fall once again to the floor. Of course, I start to laugh, nothing else to do than assume my ridicule.  
Exposing myself to a human, that once again has rejected me!  
I flung my arms wide, I’m ready to receive all the hatred, all the judgement. I do not care. I will not care!  
My guards help me stand and as I rise I see Jude leaving. I do not want to see her leave, so I turn around in the other direction, meeting Baphen, Randalin and again Lord Roiben with Dulcamara. Everyone’s judging me.

"Oh, my"and as I approach, I notice water of some kind, next to them. I’m suddenly so thirsty. I need a drink. Maybe I’m dehydrated. The snake. I start to drink, but somehow the water avoids me, falling in my chest, my face, anywhere but my mouth. 

"Excuse us" Jude’s voice again, and her arm is around my arm.

Somewhere in that time, I’m only able to hear voices, but I do not understand what they are saying. What’s wrong with me? They’re looking at me, and Balekin is near. I can hear his voice. He’s speaking to Jude. I try to listen.

"He’s drunk. However, you are unbound as well, Ambassador. Or, shall I say, not bound to the land" Jude says, menacingly. 

She’s defending me, I think?

"Have I drunk too much? Merely a cup of poison for my breakfast and another for my dinner" I say, smilingly. 

A joke but no one laughs. Jude pulls me to the door, as I rest my weight on her. She smells so good.

"Where are you taking him? " again one the guards from before, "Your majesty, do you wish to depart? "  
"We all dance at Jude’s command" I say and laugh.  
"Of course, he doesn’t wish to go. Attend your other duties, seneschal, and let me look after my brother. He has duties to perform tonight" Balekin’s voice appear yet again.  
"You will be sent for if you’re needed, " Jude replies.  
"Jude Duarte, you will leave the High King’s side" Balekin answers.

Leave me? Why? No! Not again!

"She will not!" I speak, trying to look at him.

My voice was startling. 

Balekin retreats, as the guards. And Jude takes my arm and lead me out of the room.

\------------------------------  
Chapter 28

"You are going to be okay" Jude says, her voice resonating in the room.  
"You know… that ought to be reassuring. But when mortals say it, it doesn’t mean the same thing as when the Folk do, does it? For you, it’s an appeal. A kind of hopeful magic. You say I will be well because you fear I won’t be"

For a moment, she pauses and looks at me. And I look at her, she looks genuinely worried. What’s wrong with me, anyway? I feel great, except for the snake, and the falling.

"You’re poisoned… You know that, right? " she says.

I keep looking at her. Am I?

"Ah, Balekin" I speak.

Now it all makes sense. The good thing is at least the snake wasn’t real. 

We walk the rest of the way in silence, until she takes me to her room, and makes me sit in front of the fire.  
Am I really poisoned? And with what? Am I going to die? I’ve been so close to dying this last year, that I didn’t think it would actually happen. Until now.

I look at her. I put her hand on my cheek. I need to feel her.

"It’s funny, isn’t it? How I mocked you for your mortality when you’re certain to outlive me"

She looks pale. Maybe scared. If I die, Oak will be helpless against Balekin and Madoc.

"You’re not going to die" she says, taking her hand away.  
"Oh, how many times have I wished that you couldn’t lie? Never more than now"

I lie my head on the couch. I’m really sleepy actually.

"Cardan? Get down as much as you can"

Jude puts something in my mouth. I feel it cold. It’s water. I close my eyes. I really want to sleep.

"No" she says again. Her voice is far away, until I feel her hand hitting my face "You’ve got to stay awake"

This I did not miss. This Jude. I look at her initially with rage, but when I see her expression, I can’t help feeling touched by her worry.

"I’ll just sleep for a little while" I reply.  
"Unless you want to wind up like Severin of Fairfold encased in glass for centuries while mortals line up to take pictures with his body, you’re going to stay awake"

Well, I certainly didn’t want that. I sit up.

"Fine, talk to me"  
"I saw your mother tonight. All dressed up. The time I saw her before that was in the Tower of Forgetting"

Ah, yes. I had forgot about that detail. She rescued her. They’ve met.

"And you‘re wondering if I forgot her? "  
"Glad you’re up to mocking" she rolls her eyes.  
"I hope it’s the last thing about me to go. So, tell me about my mother"

I look at her, and every time I do, I discover another detail that amazes me. She looks distressed, she’s trying to look for something good to say about my mother, why? She knows me. Does she care about my feelings? Surely, she must know by now I really don’t care too much about mom.  
I drink my water slowly.

"The first time I met her, I didn’t know who she was. She wanted to trade me some information for getting her out of the Tower. And she was afraid of you"  
"Good"

She seems surprised.

"So how did she wind up a part of your Court? "

Ah. 

"I suppose I have some fondness for her yet"

I’m almost ashamed admitting that.  
She fills my cup with water and I start drinking it, though I’m having trouble swallowing. 

"There are so many questions I wish I could ask my mom" she admits.

I love that we are having a real conversation just when I’m about to die. No one threating the other. Just genuine interest. Pity is a bit too late.

"What would you ask? " I can barely pronounce.  
"Why she married Madoc" She points to the glass and I drink some more. "Whether she loved him and why she left him and whether she was happy in the human world. Whether she actually murdered someone and hid her body in the burnt remains of Madoc’s original stronghold"

Ha, just like her daughter.

"I always forget that part of the story" I say.  
"Do you have questions like that for your father? " she asks.

I must look horrible, she looks like she is about to cry. I indulged her, answering. I will give her what she’s looking for, confessing now that I’m about to die. She deserves it.

"Why am I the way I am? There are no real answers, Jude. Why was I cruel to Folk? Why was I awful to you? Because I could be. Because I liked it. Because, for a moment, when I was at my worst, I felt powerful, and most of the time, I felt powerless, despite being a prince and the son of the High King of Faerie "

She stays silent for a minute. Looking at me.  
I would have really loved a second chance with her. A chance to make things right. To love her like she ought to be. 

"That’s an answer, " she replies.  
"Is it? " she’s smiling, her eyes are shining, she knows my time is coming to an end "You should go"  
"Why? " she asks, annoyed.

Because I am going to die.

"Because I am going to retch" I say, instead.

She grabs the bucket and I vomit all the water and more.  
Luckily, someone knocks at the door and she leaves me. The Bomb. She comes to me, pulling out a little vial.

"It’s clay. It may help draw out and contains the toxins" she says. I nod and I swallow the content.  
"It tastes like dirt, "I say.  
"It is dirt" The Bomb replies "And there’s something else. Two things, really... "

I don’t listen anymore. I close my eyes for a second, until I hear “the crown”.

"The crown? " I ask, looking at them.  
"He wants you to take it to the gardens, near the roses" The Bomb answers.  
"What happens if he doesn’t get the antidote? " She asks, looking at me.

The Bomb puts her hand on my cheek.

"He’s the High King of Elfhame- he has the strength of the land to draw on. But he’s very weak already. And I don’t think he knows how to do it. Your majesty? "

My weakness. A power I don’t own, I don’t know how to control. 

"Whatever do you mean? I just took a mouthful of the land at your behest"

Jude looks at me, looks at my face, my eyes, my mouth, my hands, and I am certain she’s studying me. She believes I won’t resist. She’s right.

"I’ll get that antidote" she says.

I lift the crown and look at it. So much blood, and now my own.

"This can’t pass to Oak if you lose it. Although I admit the succession gets tricky if I die"  
"I already told you, you’re not going to die. And I am not going to take that crown" Jude says, changing clothes and then coming back. 

"You’ll stay with him? " she asks The Bomb.  
"No," I interrupt " she goes with you "  
"The Bomb knows about potions. She knows about magic. She can make sure you don’t get worse"

I can’t let her die, not again. She will not face Balekin alone. I must protect her. I take the Bomb’s hand.

"Liliver, as your king, I command you, go with Jude"  
"Damn you, " I hear Jude whispers.

She disappears with the Bomb following her. I sigh and look at the door closing.  
My crown in my hand, my heart left the room.

\------------------------------------

As I am waiting for them to return, I close my eyes and can’t help remembering the old days. Now that I’m poisoned, I can’t imagine what Jude must have felt when we tricked her into eating that apple, her being human and mortal. I remember that day, because that’s when Locke decided he wanted her, as did I. The first time I recognize I was jealous.

_Valerian had shoved a fruit into Jude’s mouth._  
_We were planning to get her, while she was distracted in one of the sky watching sessions. And it had worked._

_"Let me sweeten that sour tongue of yours" Valerian said. _

_She was scared, looking at Valerian, she had tried to reach for the salt, but Nicasia was faster. Valerian kept Jude in the ground, while he was pushing that fruit into her mouth, and I could see her turning blue, and her eyes closing. I think that was the second time, after the nixies, that I was scared for her life. I couldn’t let her die, though sometimes I wanted to. I wanted her to disappear._

"_Do something!_" someone says.

 _No, no, no, no, no, no_.  
_Not today._  
_I moved fast, I pushed Valerian off with all my strength and watch Jude’s face recover some color. She started coughing some pieces of fruit, while tears were running down her face. I felt so stupid. She could have been killed. All because of a joke._

_"Enough!" I shouted. _

_I was so angry at him, at her, at myself. Why was I so upset because of a human? She was constantly defying me, mocking me. I should get rid of her._  
_She starts to laugh. I look at her. The poison._

_"Ruin my fun, will you?" Valerian is upset. _

_Everyone was looking at me. It must have looked like I saved her, which I did, but they cannot know. Nor my interest about her. No one must. Specially Locke. Luckily, I had grabbed the salt before pushing Valerian. I threw it into the air and away from Jude._

_"What’s wrong with you, Valerian? If she dies, your little prank is over before it begins" I reply. _  
_"I’m not going to die," Jude says suddenly. _

_I look at her. I must find out why I feel the way I do about her._

_"Prince Cardan? She ought to be taken home" Noggle interrupts._  
_"Everyone is so dull today," I said, slowly._  
_"Oh, Noggle, she doesn’t wish to go" Nicasia comes over and strokes Jude’s cheek." Do you, pretty thing?"_  
_"I’d like to stay," Jude says, smiling, looking at me. _

_She is really vulnerable right now. Anyone of us could take advantage of her. I don’t like this. I didn’t think this through. She almost died. She should go. I should make her leave, but how? Even Noggle left. He should have done something. So useless._

_I see some girls flopping down next to Jude, laughing. Then Locke comes near, and she touches him. I don’t like it._

_"Why should she find anything embarrassing when she’s among friends?" says Nicasia. _  
_"Which one of us would you most like to kiss?" Flossflower demands, coming closer. _  
_"I’d like to kiss all of you," Jude answers, and everybody laughs._  
_"You’re wearing too many clothes," Nicasia says, "_And they’ve grown dirty. You should take them off._"  
_"You’re right," she replies.__

_Oh, no. I look at her. She shouldn’t undress. Not here. Not in front of all of them. But I am curious about her. About how humans look. About how she looks. She stands and starts removing her clothes, leaving only her undergarments. I can’t stop looking at her. At her shape, at her skin. My heart speed up. I want to touch her._

_"Am I beautiful like you are?" Jude asks Nicasia._

_Yes, I answer in my mind. Even more._

_"No, you are nothing like us" Nicasia replies._

_Valerian points at something in her neck, and for one second, I thought he wanted to choke her, but he was referring to her necklace. Her rowan necklace._

_"You should take that off, too," Valerian says._  
_"You’re right, I don’t need it anymore." And Jude takes it off._  
_"Come lick my hands clean. You don’t mind, do you? But you have to do it on your knees," Nicasia smiles, while holding the remains of the apple._

_I don’t want to see her like this, but I do. Is so very confusing._

_"No"_

_I step in front of Jude, a few steps ahead. I take off my shoe and put my foot in front._  
_"Jude will come here and kiss my foot. She said she wanted to kiss us. And I am her prince, after all."_

_Jude laughs. She looks at me, and I can see how lost her eyes are. She’s really poisoned. I wish she would crawl to me because she wants to, because she likes to, aware, and her choice, and not because of some enchantment._  
_I’m getting angrier by the minute. Why do I feel like this? Why her? What is it about her?_  
_She doesn’t move._

_"Well? Be quick about it," I say, impatiently._

_As much as I’d like her to be awake, I going to take what I can. I want her crawling._

_"Kiss my foot and tell me how great I am. Tell me how much you admire me."_

_"Enough," Locke says sharply," I’m taking her home,"_  
_"Are you, now? ," I ask him, eyebrows raised." Interesting timing. You like the savor of a little humiliation, just not too much?"_  
_"I hate it when you get like this," Locke replies._

_I wouldn’t let him get near her like this. He could do whatever he wishes with her. No._  
_I take her cold hand, and pinch her finger with my pin._

_"Have a nice walk home," I say, mostly to Locke.""_

_"I ruined his plans."_

"Since then my fantasy about her crawling to me is more and more appealing."

Nevertheless, I’m ashamed remembering that. We used her. I took advantage of her, she made me King and now she’s trying to save me. And I’m in love with her. How ironic. 

\------------------------------------------------- 

Finally, someone opens the door. I don’t have enough strength to look. The bomb appears in front with a bottle. 

"Your majesty?"  
"Where’s Jude? " I ask, really frightened. She couldn’t have died. No.  
"She’s still fighting with Balekin, but we really need for you to drink this"  
"Why did you leave her?! " I screamed. 

She looks at me amazed.  
"I’m sorry, my King. She’s right behind me, I swear," she kneels, and offers me the bottle. 

I take it and starts drinking it. Suddenly a guard appear at the door. 

"Your majesty, I believe some trouble has been detected in one of the gardens"  
"You go to her" I say, with the little strength I possess. 

She got pale really quickly. She looks at me one last time, before leaving the room with the guard. 

I sigh and drink what’s left in the bottle. 

"Jude," I whisper. 

I sleep for some time, when suddenly I hear footsteps. Jude. But she looks different. I’m so happy though. 

"My King," she says. 

That’s weird. She never calls me that, less when we are alone. 

"You are okay. How did it go? Where is he?" I ask, trying to stand. 

She looks at me funny. She stops me from standing. 

"I have a plan, my King"she comes near, and takes my hand. I’m a bit surprised her being so touchy. But I won’t complain. 

"My father needs to take half the army to protect us, but he needs to function independently, he needs to be freed of his vows to the crown. We believe is the best plan to defeat Queen Orlagh"

"What? Half the army? Why? That doesn’t sound right. We? Who is we?"

"Cardan, believe me. Is for the best. We need to attack from two flanks. But he needs that boon"  
"A boon? "  
"Yes, to free him,"she answers. 

Why would she trust Madoc? What changed? I’m still dizzy. It’s too late for this conversation. 

"Trust me,"and she press my hand once again.  
"Alright" I didn’t want to fight, and I still didn’t feel like myself. 

She smiled so beautifully when I agreed, that I couldn’t have said no. Afterwards, she left, so I could rest, she said. I wanted her to stay, but I didn’t dare to ask. Not when we were actually so nice to each other. And after that talk. We could really start over now. I had hope. 

I closed my eyes again and sleep. 

All of a sudden, Jude is in front of me again. With another dress. Since when Jude cares so much about clothes? 

"Your dress. You put It back on." She looks at me confused.  
"Did something happen?" She asks.  
"I don’t know? Did it? I granted the boon you wanted. Is your father safe? "

Silence. She doesn’t react. I have a very bad feeling about this. 

"Cardan," she sits down next to me. Too far away still."You’ve got to tell me what happened. I haven’t been here for the last hour"

Oh, no. 

"The Bomb came back with the antidote, she said you’d be right behind her. I was still so dizzy, and then a guard came, saying that there was an emergency. She went to see. And then you came in, just like she said you would. You said you had a plan…"

She didn’t know what I was talking about. And then everything made sense. The strange behavior, her calling me funny, her clothes. It was Taryn. 

"Taryn,"I pronounce.  
"I don’t understand"  
"Your plan was that your father was going to take half the army, but for him to function independently, he needed to be freed of his vows to the crown. You had on one of your doublets—the ones you always wear. And these odd earrings. Moon and a star."

I shake my head. I was made a fool once again. Madoc and Taryn tricked me. They use my faith in Jude against me. 

"But how did she make you agree? She has no power. She could pretend to be me, but she couldn’t force you…"

She still doesn't understand the great power, the great influence, she has on me. She doesn’t want to believe it. 

"She didn’t have to command me, Jude. She didn’t have to use any magic. I trust you. I trusted you"

I cover my face, my eyes. Once again, I failed my people. And her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, the wedding and the end!!
> 
> I need some help: Their first night as a married couple, did they sleep or something else happened? I'm still undecided, what do you guys think? Please, I could use some advices!


	12. Chapter 29 & 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the end of TWK.  
> Cardan deals with Orlagh. And Jude.

Chapter 29 

After all that mess, I went to my old room, and tried to think. I couldn’t find any solution to repair all the damage made, without serious consequences. With Madoc gone, Balekin would attack with Orlagh, or Madoc would attack with Orlagh, or at the same time but separated…

“Million possibilities”

I drink from my cup and stared at the fire.  
How could I be so stupid? And Taryn? How could she? Well, guess humans can’t be trusted. And all because of Jude. Because I made her the leader when it should have been me making the decisions. Maybe if we had worked as a team, rather than apart, we could have been smarter.  
Maybe I could try developing the magic I suppose to posses. Be the King the Land needs me to be. And defend it. Against everyone. Even against my weaknesses. 

I walk around the room with only one thought: I can’t lose Jude, but I must. How to do that without losing her? I need to be my own master, she needs to give my freedom and needs to understand that I am the King, no matter what. How can she still not see how much I need her? how much I love her? She still doesn’t trust me. How can I make her trust me? 

And as I sat again and looked at her ring in my finger, I couldn’t help remember all the moments together, our kisses, our talks; she saved me, she has saved me twice, and I saved her from the sea, but it was all my fault. And that won’t end unless I achieve the power I need. The strength I need. I looked away, and remembered our kiss at the dance, when I was poisoned, how good it felt to finally held her in my arms, to be with her… If only I could be with her, always.  
And then, as I played with that bloody ring in my finger, I finally understood what I needed to do. 

“I’m going to marry her”

I could finally be with her, be almost equals, and she would be protected. And she would have her power, and I would have mine. And maybe we could be happy. We could be together. And all the memories came rushing to my head. I could see her by my side, with a crown. She would be insufferable, but she would be mine. 

“Call my Seneschal!” I shouted at the guards, “Now!”

The guards started moving while I sat and waited. I needed to be convincing. I needed her to release me.

Jude appeared after some minutes. I made her come in and sit.

“Please, sit” She does. 

“Once, you had a proposal for me, now I have one for you. Give me back my will. Give me back my freedom”

She reacted immediately. She didn’t like it. I expected. This wouldn’t be easy. After all, is Jude whom I’m dealing with.

“You know I won’t do that”  
“Hear me out. What you want from me is obedience for longer than a year and a day. More than half of your time is gone. Are you ready to put Oak on the throne?” I asked.

I shake my head.

“And so you thought to extend my vow. Just how were you imagining doing that?” I ask again.

I smile. She underestimated me, again.

“You thought I had nothing to bargain with”  
“What bargain is possible?” she asked, “When what I want is for you to make the vow again, for at least another year, if not a decade, and what you want if for me to rescind the vow entirely?”  
“Your father and sister tricked me, if Taryn had given me a command, I would have known it wasn’t you. But I was sick and tired and didn’t want to refuse you. I didn’t even ask why Jude. I wanted to show you that you could trust me, that you didn’t need to give me orders for me to do things. I wanted to show you that I believed you’d thought it all through. But that’s no way to rule. And it’s not really even trust when someone can order you to do it anyway. Faerie suffered with us at each other’s throats. You attempted to make me do what you thought needed to be done, and if we disagreed, we could do nothing but manipulate each other. That wasn’t working, but simply giving in is no solution. We cannot continue like this. Tonight is proof of that. I need to make my own decisions”  
“You said you didn’t mind so much, listening to my orders”

She tries to smile. I can’t find the joke in it. I need her to understand.

“All the more reason not to allow me that luxury. You made me the High King, Jude. Let me be the High King,” I reply.

She folds her arms over her chest.

“And what will I be? Your servant?”

The moment I was waiting for. This would be it.

“Marry me. Become the Queen of Elfhame,” my voice sounded breathless.

As I said the words, I could see her face changing. It was the same face when she pointed the crossbow to my heart. She didn’t believe me.

“But you can’t”  
“I can. Kings and queens don’t often marry for something other than a political alliance, true, but consider this a version of that. And were you, queen, you wouldn’t need my obedience. You could issue all your own orders. And I would be free”

She was thinking it at least. 

“Moreover, it’s not as though we’d be married forever. Marriages between kings and queens must last as long as they rule, but in our case, that’s not so long. Only until Oak is old enough to rule, assuming that’s what he wants. You could have everything you want at the price of merely releasing me from my vow of obedience”

“You’re serious?” she asked.  
“Of course, I am. In earnest as well” 

I was shaking, but she didn’t notice it. I was extremely nervous. I had never imagined I would marry, less to a human. And even less her, Jude Duarte. And I really wanted to, my heart was beating so fast, and I wanted her to agree not only for my freedom but because I wanted her agreeing to be next to me, even if it was a sham. 

“So let me guess, you want me to release you from your vow for your promise to marry me? But then the marriage will take place in the month of never when the moon rises in the west and the tides flow backward.”

I laugh at that. It was good. Maybe before there was a time I would have done that, but now? I really wanted her. I needed her. 

“If you agree, I will marry you tonight. Now even. Right here. We exchange vows and it is done. This is no mortal marriage, to require being presided over and witnessed. I cannot lie. I cannot deny you”

My voice was definitely different.

“It’s not long until you vow is up. Surely the idea of a few more months tied to me can’t be such a hardship that you’d like to tie yourself to me for years”

I looked at her face, then her eyes, her mouth, her hair, her ears, everything about her…how could she imagine, after everything we’d been through, I wouldn’t want to be tied forever to her?

“As I said before, a lot can happen in a year and a day. Much has happened in half that time”

Like falling in love.

She looked at the floor, her eyes wandering, then she looked up at my face, and immediately my heart started beating fast again. I squeezed my hands, trying to suppress the urge to hold her. Her eyes were shining brightly.

“Yes,” she answered after some seconds. “Yes,” she repeated.

I couldn’t believe it. It was all so quick. So effortless. She was going to be mine.  
Wait, there must be a trick. Maybe I was daydreaming.

“To what are you agreeing?” I asked.  
“Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll marry you”

I smiled. I was relieved. Finally.

“I had no idea it would be such a sacrifice”

She sat on the couch, smiling.

“That’s not what I meant”  
“Marriage to the High King of Elfhame is largely thought to be a prize, an honor of which few are worthy” I joked.

She rolled her eyes at my words.  
“So what do we do?” she asked.

“It’s simple,” I moved closer to her. “We pledge our troth. I’ll go first- unless you wish to wait. Perhaps you imagined something more romantic”

I could do it. But now time was pressing. Maybe we could do something symbolic later.

“No”

Good. I slid the ring from my finger. Maybe she could have this, an alliance, something remotely close to what humans do. Something she could believe. Something palpable. 

“I, Cardan, son of Eldred, High King of Elfhame, take you, Jude Duarte, mortal ward of Madoc, to be my bride and my queen. Let us be wed until we wish for it to be otherwise and the crown has passed from our hands”

As I talked, I could see her trembling. She was looking at me at first, but then her eyes wandered to the ceiling, I imagined what was going on. I took her hand. My fingers were cold, while hers were warm, as always. I wanted to kiss her again.

“Your turn,” I say, smiling. “I’m trusting you to keep your word and release me from my bond of obedience after this”

I do not believe I could get angry at this moment even if she didn’t release me. I’d never felt such happiness in my life. She smiled back.

“I, Jude Duarte, take Cardan, High King of Elfhame, to be my husband. Let us be wed until we don’t want to be and the crown has passed from our hands.”

As she finishes talking, I kiss her hand. Where the scar is.  
I’m so grateful right now. I wouldn’t have believed if someone would have said a year ago I’d end up marrying Jude Duarte.

“Cardan, son of Eldred, High King of Elfhame, I forsake any command over you. You are free of your vow of obedience, for now, and for always,” she says.

I look up, I finally felt free. Satiated with happiness. I stand slowly.

“You look as if you’ve barely rested,” she says, looking at me.

She stands up fast, trying to help me.

“I will lie down,” and as I walk to my bed, she walks with me. 

Above us, flowers bloomed, and the smell was marvelous. Just like hers. I lie on the bed, without releasing her hand. Maybe I could try… 

“If you lie with me,” I end up saying, and incredibly, after looking thoroughly into my eyes, into my face, she decided to lie next to me.

She walked to the other side of the bed and firstly she sat, with her back to me, and I just couldn’t help It anymore and took her arm and pulled her to the bed. She fell fast and almost timidly. I turn to her, looking at her face. She was blushing. Just like before.

“Are you nervous?”

She looked at my eyes, then the rest of my face. I always believed I was the nervous one, but she was just like me. I took her hand, the one I had kissed, and smiled.

“My queen”

And she looked so surprised to hear me say it.

“You’ll have to get used to it”  
“I don’t…”

Again, I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it. She stopped talking. The skin was with scars, rough, but warm, and it was hers. So, I loved it. Her pulse was fast. I could feel it under my fingers. 

“Are you scared?” I asked.

She denied it with her head. She looked at me differently, almost like admiring me. I’d never believed I would see that look on her face. It filled me with hope. I moved closer, inches to her face, while I wrapped her hand on mine and put her arm on my back. Our knees were touching, her breath, and my mixing. I just couldn’t believe I had her in my bed, after almost dying poisoned, after losing her into the sea, after being almost mortal enemies, or immortal, whatever… for so long. We were here, face to face, married.

“I never thought I’d end up in bed with Jude Duarte,” I said, smiling, looking at her mouth.

She rolled her eyes and almost sat, but I stopped her with my body, pushing her into bed, falling on top of her.  
“I like it,” I whisper.

And got close to her face, suddenly feeling her hand caressing my face, my forehead, my hair. I shivered.

“Cardan”

I loved it when she said my name. I felt alive after everything that happened, I could feel my magic expanding just by being next to her, and being free. And happy. I looked into her eyes, and could suddenly feel so certain about everything; about her love, about our future, about this: us. I close the space between us, closing my eyes and kissing her mouth. Her hand caressed my face, and pulled me by my hair, while her other hand pressed against my back. I could feel her returning the kiss, moving with me, opening her mouth and letting me in. While my hands continue fondling her body. The time at sea had changed her, she was smaller, thinner. I could feel her bone hip now, and her skin was rough, she must have bruises now because I could felt her reacting when I touched her stomach.

“Wait” 

I had to get away to look at her, to look where she was injured. She tried stopping me, but I lifted her clothes and saw a bruise on the side of her belly.

“You’re in pain”

She was looking at me, almost scared.

“No, I’m not”  
“You are”  
“Cardan, I am not, just come back and…” she straightened her arms towards me.

She was lying. And although I was flattered she was lying just to get me close to her, I couldn’t do this knowing she was injured. I sat next to her. She took my hand.

“Do you, are you not…” she asked  
“You are tired, and injured… and recently rescued from the sea” I interrupted, sighing “believe me, I want us to have a wedding night, but you must rest, and so do I”

She didn’t understand. I lied next to her. Of course, she didn’t understand, she didn’t believe me.

“We will have many nights,” I smiled, getting closer to her face. “I know how you become when we are… together” she blushed, “I cannot risk it you getting hurt”  
“I’m not made out of paper,” she replied.  
“I know” I smiled “But you're almost like… you returned fragile”  
“Fragile?!” she exclaimed while sitting.

I took her hand and pulled her to me, where I embraced her. 

“I was so afraid those days,” I whispered in her ears after some minutes, “I thought I lost you.” 

She seemed to relax in my arms. I could feel her breathing.

“There were days when I could see you, and I could breathe again. But then there were others when I was completely alone, and your father kept pushing. I felt so worthless without you. I don’t ever want to feel like that again”

She breathed into my neck, and I could feel her now watching my face. 

“I dreamed about you, constantly,” and I looked at her.

Her eyes became watery, looking at me.

“I had to keep hoping you would return, or else, I’d die”

She looked at my mouth, and then kissed me. For the first time, she had actually initiated the kiss. And I was so hungry for her. I needed her.  
We must have kissed for hours, caressed, until we fell asleep. 

I woke up when I felt her moving. She was having a nightmare. She was fighting, her face was all twisted. I shush her while caressing her hair, and after a few minutes, she relaxed and continued sleeping. I stayed there, looking at her, watching her sleep, and swear I’d never let her suffer anything like the sea again.  
After some time, I raised and sat in my chair. I couldn’t leave her, she would think it was all a trick if she didn’t see me. And I was hungry. Luckily there was food at the table, so I ate quietly while waiting for her to wake up.

Suddenly someone banged at my door. Damn. A messenger appeared.

“Your majesty. Your brother is dead. There was a duel, from what we’ve been able to determine”  
“Ah”

That’s right. I had forgotten who Jude had fought with.  
I felt my chest tightening. It ached.  
My brother, the one who had taken care of me, had died. I had prevented his death for a long time, knowing he didn’t deserve it. Nevertheless, Jude hadn’t cared. All for me. For the antidote. Had there been another way? Had there been a chance for him to be saved?

“And the Queen of the Undersea. She’s here, demanding justice for her ambassador”  
“I just bet she is. Well, we can hardly keep her waiting. You. What’s your name?” I ask.

The knight hesitates.

“Rannoch, Your Majesty”  
“Sir Rannoch, assemble a group of knights to escort me to the water. Wait in the courtyard.”  
“But the general…”  
“Is not here right now” I interrupt.  
“I will do it”

The knight leaves. Then I watch Jude sit. She looks pale.

“Well, wife. It seems you have kept at least one secret from your dowry. Come, we must dress for our first audience together”

And as I talk, I see her moving. She stands fast and disappears through the hall.

My brother. Is. Dead. Balekin is finally dead. And I didn’t do it. Jude did. How do I feel about that? I cover my face with my hands and try to think. Now, what will I do? Orlagh will demand punishment. And she did kill an ambassador. Almost a king. 

Chapter 30

We ride to shore, surrounded by knights, and Mikkel and Nihuar. We are at a numerical disadvantage, and Jude knows that. I hope Orlagh doesn’t know about Madoc. The queen sits on an orca and Nicasia y by her side, both seem ready to fight, surrounded by an army.  
I feel Jude’s eyes on me. She’s anxious, as are all. They believe we’ll die. But I have a plan. Though I haven’t said a word, not even to her. I’m upset. And she defied me once again, although she did it to save my life, I presume. Or presume to believe. 

“Where is my ambassador? Where is your brother?”  
“As you well know, he’s dead” I answer.

I’m fed up with her attitude.

“It was your responsibility to keep him safe”  
“Was it?” of course I’ll mock her, “I thought my obligation was not to move against him, not to keep him from the consequences of his risk-taking. He had a little duel, from what I hear. Dueling, as I am sure you know, is dangerous. But I neither murdered him nor did I encourage it. In fact, I quite discouraged it.”  
“You ought not to allow such disobedience,” she replies.  
“Perhaps”  
“I am here to demand justice. Balekin was my ambassador, and if you don’t consider him to be under your protection, I do consider him to be undermined. You must give his murderer to the sea, where she will find no forgiveness. Give us your seneschal, Jude Duarte”

The audacity. She believes she can do as she pleases.

“But she’s only just returned from the sea” I reply, mocking her.  
“So you don’t dispute her crime?”

I’m feeling defied.  
She’s done what I thought she would. I must make her understand Jude is mine to punish and to decide what that implies.

“Why should I?” I ask, “If she’s the one with whom he dueled, I am certain she would win; my brother supposed himself expert with the sword—a great exaggeration of abilities. But she’s mine to punish or not, as I see fit.”  
“King of the land, I am not here to fight your sharp tongue. My blood is cold and I prefer blades. Once, I considered you as a partner for my daughter, the most precious thing in the sea. She would have brokered a true peace between us.” 

She never wanted a King, she wanted a prisoner. A puppet. Just like everyone else.  
And Nicasia shot me. 

“Like you, I am not skilled at forgiveness”  
“If it’s a war you want, you would be unwise to declare it on an island.” 

Around her, waves grow more violent, their white caps of froth larger. Whirlpools coalesce just off the edge of the land, small ones, deepening, only to spin themselves out as new ones form.

“War? Do you mean for me to really believe you want to fight? Are you challenging me to a duel?” I ask her.

I can feel my temperature rising, I can feel my mind vibrating. My hands are shaking. It’s not like before, it’s ten times more intense. Power. Practically begging me to use it.

“And if I was? What then, boy?”

Boy? As I expected. She doesn’t even see me like her King.

“Beneath every bit of your sea is land. Seething, volcanic land. Go against me, and I will show you what this boy will do, my lady.”

I stretch my hand and can feel the power flowing, I can feel myself going into some kind of trance, almost floating, all my body is burning, and I can hear earth rising. Feeling it boiling beneath me, molding, destroying. All I want is to bury the sea. I can hear screams and movement, but I don’t stop, I won’t stop until she is buried. The power wanted to be released, and I have finally achieved it.  
An eye for an eye, they say. I will get it. I can see clearly where everyone in Orlagh’s army is at, I will sink them. Every one of them.

“Stop!” Orlagh’s voice.

Nicasia is the one to pay.

“Cardan?”

I can hear her. She doesn’t believe I’ll be able to do it. But I can. They defied me.  
I smile.  
I don’t think I want to hear her anymore. Earth must grow. And I can see her flourishing, grass growing beneath her, while a bark wraps her.

“Cardan!” 

Asphyxiating her. 

“What have you done?” Orlagh cries. 

Now, she seems affected. 

“Will you flood the land now? Send saltwater to corrupt the roots of our trees and make our streams and lakes brackish? Will you drown our berries and send your merfolk to slit our throats? and steal our roses? Will you do it if it means your daughter will suffer the same? Come, I dare you.”

Now she will learn, everyone will learn not to fuck with their King.

“Release Nicasia”  
“I am the High King of Elfhame. And I dislike being given orders. You attacked the land. You stole my seneschal and freed my brother, who was imprisoned for the murder of our father, Eldred, with whom you had an alliance.” I could see how anxious she was, how nervous, almost to the brink of jumping from her orca “Once, we respected each other’s territory. I have allowed you too much disrespect, and you have overplayed your hand. Now, Queen of the Undersea, we will have a truce as you had with Eldred, as you had with Mab. We will have a truce or we will have a war, and if we fight, I will be unsparing. Nothing and no one you love will be safe”

“Very well, High King. Let us have an alliance. Give me my daughter, and we will go”

No. Of course, that won’t do. I need leverage. I need her on land. 

“Let Nicasia stay here and be your ambassador in Balekin’s stead. She has grown up on these islands, and many who love her are here.”

She will have to agree. I see Nicasia almost turning blue, so I let the bark releases her.

“If she wishes to stay, she may. Are you satisfied?” Queen Orlagh asks, clearly upset.  
“I am. I will not be led by the sea, no matter how great its queen. As the High King, I must lead. But I must also be just.”

This has shown everyone that I must be obeyed. Once and for all. And the one person who has constantly defied me is the one I need to teach the most. The hardest thing I must do to protect my kingdom and for her to learn and respect me, so we can finally have some sort of relationship. To have a chance at becoming something more.  
I turn to see Jude.

“And today I will dispense justice. Jude Duarte, do you deny you murdered Prince Balekin, Ambassador of the Undersea, and brother to the High King?”

She looks at me totally confused. Maybe even scared. Even now she’s distrusting me. After everything, I told her last night.

“I do not deny that we had a duel and that I won it” Jude answers.

My heart aches.  
I really hope she will understand. She’s smart. She’ll see through my ruse. She must. She knows how I think. She must.

“Hear my judgment, I exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world. Until and unless she is pardoned by the crown, let her not step one foot in Faerie or forfeit her life.”

I release the air I’m holding. 

“But you can’t do that!”

She must understand. She must see through the hoax! It is the only way they’ll see me as a fair King, they’ll respect me for it.  
But she must solve the puzzle herself. I gave her the key.  
I can't let anyone else believe I care for her.  
My body is screaming, my heart is aching, but I can't let anyone see it. 

“But I’m the Queen of Fairie”

My people start laughing at her. She blushes. She’s embarrassed. And she’s even crying. And that’s when I feel my throat aching, my hands trembling, and I want to go to her, to console her. To make everyone stop laughing. But I can’t. This is something bigger than her and I. My kingdom needs a King. A good one. Sacrifices must be made.  
I finally laugh with them.

Next, Knights clap their hands around Jude’s wrists. And I can feel my magic flowing, I could stop them, I could destroy them, but I won’t.

“Deny it, then,” she yells “Deny me!”

I smile, trying to appear composed. I’m burning inside. 

Sir Rannoch starts pulling her away, but not before one last look at me. There is ire in her eyes. Fury. Despise. She is hating me. She’s looking at me just like before. She thinks I betray her. She doesn’t understand. Yet. She must. The answer is in her hands. She will solve it and will come back to my arms. She will understand, she’ll forgive me. We have always played games. This is yet another one.  
I can’t stand looking at her going away, leaving me… I must go on. I’ll wait for her.  
I set foot on my new island with my new power.

“If Insweal is the Isle of Woe, Insmire, the Isle of Might, and Insmoor, the Isle of Stone, then let this be Insear, Isle of Ash.”

Ashes, as it is what seems to remain of my relationship with Jude.  
A little voice inside my head is telling me I’ve made a mistake. And the fear won’t go away.  
Please, come back to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, Cardan's letters. I don't think it will be very easy, as I can imagine how much he must have suffered and waited for her.


	13. The letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan reflects on everything. He wrote letters to Jude, and makes a final decision.

Since the day she left me, I haven’t been able to sleep. Or dream. It seems as if I’m always awake. Almost like living a dream, or a nightmare, in which she has left me, and not where I banished her. I am to blame. Maybe I wasn’t as smart as I thought. Maybe my riddle was too complex.  
Oh, but she must understand. She must! 

_Jude, Jude.._

I bang the table in which I write. The ink has ruined the paper, and Jude’s name now is just a blur. I curse and get up.

“Surely she must know” I talk to myself.

_Above me is the same silvery moon that shined down on you. Looking at it makes me recall the glint of your blade pressed against my throat and other romantic moments…_

I am alone with my memories. I’ve been alone since she left me.  
I stare at the window, at the moon. That trickery moon that once seemed so beautiful and now it just taunts me with my loneliness.  
Fairies come and go offering advice, asking for permission, trying to gain something. No one is like her. 

“Why hasn’t she come?” 

_Come home and shout at me…_

The Roach offered to keep an eye on her, but I’m scared. What will he learn? What If he brings news I don’t like? What will I do about that? What is worse: knowing or not knowing at all? What if she did abandon me? what if she prefers the mortal world instead of this? What if…I gasp… she found somebody else? No, no. Her ambition. Her pride wouldn’t let her be. She will come back for her throne. She must. 

_Come home and fight with me…_

But what if some mortal has seduced her? What if someone has touched her and…

_Since I cannot imagine there is much in the human lands to interest you…_

No. no. NO.

“I can’t think like that”

I sit on the bed. The same bed where we kissed. I look at the pillows and can just remember her there, looking at me. Waiting for me. I left her sleeping, and then everything went to shit after Balekin was found dead. 

“Why did I banish her?!” I screamed.

Orlagh has been at ease. Nicasia has behaved. Madoc is missing. Everything seems strangely quiet. Except for me. For my heart. For my mind. For my continuous wandering through the palace in search of her. 

“She’s in exile. Why would she return?” The Bomb asks.

_Come home and break my heart if you must…_

I look at her. No one knows she’s actually their Queen. And I’m afraid of telling them. What would they say? That I’m stupid. That I’ve been an ass. That she won’t return. That something better has come. That I lost my chance.  
No.  
Then why did she looked at me the way she did when she left?  
She didn’t understand, repeats the voice inside in my head.

“My King, why would she risk her head coming here?” the Roach asks.  
“It is her world, isn’t?” I ask. 

They both look at me strange.

“She’s human,” The Bomb says. “Her world is out there. She’s mortal.”  
“She was raised here, certainly she will not see it as her home!” I reply.  
“She only suffered here.” The Roach looks at me, “The murderer of her parents forced her to live here. You made her life a living hell, and she tricked you, but she finally lost. She was almost murdered…”

Why does he look so certain?

“Her own sister betrayed her” The Bomb speaks “She was abducted. And we almost killed her. She drowned, and lived to tell the tale. She is just a girl, she has barely lived…”  
“She deserves to live her life to the fullest and that is not here,” The Roach touches my shoulder.

Every word hurts. They can’t believe any of this. She’s much more than just a girl. Much more than a human. She, she… 

I got on my knees, on the floor, alone in my quarters. I’m desperate. And I’m alone. So alone without her.

“Just come home,” I whisper. 

She was the only thing constant in my life lately. She was what remained... The one who stayed with me.  
Balekin is dead. My family is dead. My mother is a stranger. My friends are none actually. Everyone now fear me. She was the only thing real. To me. With me.

 _I do not know what keeps you from returning to the High Court- whether it is vexation with me or whether having spent time in the mortal world, you have come to believe that a life free of the Folk is better than one ruling over them._

And I send her away.

What if she’s hurt? What if she dies? The human world is not free of dangers. Oh, but she is Jude. She will survive.  
I remember her coming from the sea. Barely walking, but she still looked up, at me. 

_Let me write it outright: you are pardoned. I revoke your banishment. I rescind my words._

I can’t help imagining her with another human, just like fairies try to do with me. They don’t know I no longer hold any interest in someone else, besides her. Locke looks at me funny. He must suspect what this is doing to me. Sometimes I see pity in his face, and sometimes I see amusement. Sometimes I believe he brings Taryn to palace just to provoke to me. He doesn’t know now I can tell them apart. I can see how completely different they are, and not just in attitude, in how they behave, in how they look. I no longer find Jude in Taryn. She couldn’t be any more different, especially after what she did with Madoc. She’s lucky she’s her sister, or else, I would have gotten my revenge. I look at her and pity her, she’s with someone who doesn’t love her, who doesn’t even notice her. She sold her sister for a monster.

“You look at her so much… are you hoping to find Jude in her?” Locke’s voice, of course.

I smile.

“They couldn’t be any more dissimilar,” I look at him “I’m just planning what to do with her, once her sister returns”  
“Jude Duarte will never return” Locke says laughing, mockingly “You banished her.”

I can’t speak. 

_Not even responding to my missives is ridiculous and beneath you and I hate it._

I give the letters to my guards, and hope they’ll reach her.  
But not one is answered. Weeks have passed by. Not even a “fuck-off”. 

I wander to her old rooms. I’ve kept them just as she left it. No one has dared touch it. I can still smell her in it. I have nothing of her. Not even her stupid ring. I just had to give it to her. 

“I hoped… I dreamed she would return” I justify to no one.

I hold one of her brushes, it still has her hair. Her long hair. Which I rarely got to touch. 

My mother thinks I’m sick. Or pathetic. Or both. She watches me kneeling in her room. She doesn’t say anything. She just passes by. Would she care if I suffer?

_You have always known exactly what I am and seen all my failing, all my weaknesses and scars…_

I can remember her at our councils, always so passionate discussing war, discussing treason, while I watched her from the couch. She never turned to look at me. I don’t even know if she knew I watched her, if she felt me staring at her. I admired her strength. She never felt intimidated, though the creatures there were cruel, mocking, often looking down at her, but she never let anyone put her down. Not even me. 

Sometimes when we were at our lectures, I looked at her. I was intrigued. She always knew so much, she seems at time desperate to show teachers just how much she knew about our world. I never knew if she did the same with her own. Why did she wanted to belong so much? I was annoyed at first, but then as I continued watching her, at parties, at events, there was something more than ambition. Maybe the need to prove something. To prove herself to him, to Madoc. Or even me… that she wasn’t just a human. Just a mere mortal.  
And I had shown her just that, when I banished her.

_In my most wretched hours, I believe you will never come back…_

What would happen if I go to her? Would she see me?

“Of course not” the Roach says, almost laughing “The High King of Elfhame in mortal land? Why?”

So, I had to tell him.

“You were right. You all knew. I love her”

A frightening silence continued. The Roach stared.

“What?” he asked.

“You heard me. I love Jude, I think I always have”

“What?” he repeated, astonished.

I didn’t repeat myself. What ever for? He heard me.

“Then, why did you…?” he asked. 

I swallowed slowly. Harshly.  
I denied with my head. I thought she would come back. If not her ambition, maybe her love? Maybe her anger?

_I urge you: Come be angry at a nearer distance._

“We had a bet,” he says, not looking at me. “That time with Orlagh, I thought you cared maybe a bit too much. And the Bomb thought so, too.”  
“Just me? Not her?”  
“I heard you. Both of you. At the Lair. You were together”

I looked at him. I could remember her lips. Her sounds. Her taste. And my heart bled with every thought. 

_You are in no mood for games. Very well. I’m in no mood for them, either._

“Maybe she did. Once.” He whispered.

_I flattered myself that at moments you had feelings for me other than contempt, but even were that true, they would make but a thin gruel beside the feast of your other, greater desires._

Can I not be enough reason?  
I covered my face and fell to the ground.

“My King, no one must know”

I remembered Jude dancing. I smiled.  
She was always careful. If Taryn danced, she watched. And vice versa. Her sister, Vivi, behaved just like us, selfishly, and didn’t cared. At least not all the time. I remember one time they were both dancing, and you could see they were exhausted, their bodies were weak. I remember seeing her anguish, seeing her sweating, but she laughed. She saw me looking and she pretended to be okay. I was enraptured in the way her body moved, in how she suffered, but she didn’t want to humiliate herself asking for help... She cared too much about us. I could have watched her die that night, but Oriana saved them.  
I was an asshole. I spent most of the night admiring her, her pride, instead of saving her.  
I didn’t know how much I would care for her.

_And yet my heart is buried with you in the strange soil of the mortal world, as it was drowned with you in the cold waters of the Undersea._

The Roach’s words echoed in my head while I kneeled on the floor.  
“No one must know you weep for a mortal. For Jude Duarte”

I try to collect myself each morning. I try to rise each day to the occasion. The King they deserve. The King that I am.

“If not, they’ll come for you. They may try to kill you. They’ll come for the crown if they believe you weak”

One of those nights, in the rose garden, surrounded by stars, I finally gave up.  
I was staring at a red rose when one of the petals suddenly fell to the soil. It was dying. And I don’t know how it happened, but one tear fell and then another, until I couldn’t stop. I fell unto my knees, with all my richness and a crown in my head, and I ended up crying on the ground, in front of my roses, desperate. Like I hadn’t done in years.  
Not in front of my mother, not in front of Balekin. But here. For a mortal.  
The rose was dying, just like her, and just like me inside. And I couldn’t do anything to stop it.  
No matter what I did, I’ll always end up ruining everything. I had to give her a chance to be free, to live, away from me. The choice she made. I’d let her be. If she didn’t come back, I wouldn’t force her.  
I was to blame. I’d been too selfish, too stupid, too proud to deserve her. If she didn’t return, it would probably mean she was better there. Happier. She had found something better. And I wasn’t supposed to get in the way.  
I’d live in Hell, if it meant she’d be okay.

I had my last kiss with her and I didn’t know it. My last smile. My last touch…  
I’ll live a thousand years without her, knowing she’ll die without ever truly understanding how much she meant for me.  
I deserve that punishment.

I covered my face, and felt the crown dropping to the ground. I howled trying to drown my voice, my sorrow, with my hands. It was useless.  
Guards tried coming in, luckily my power had held the doors closed.

“Leave me be!” I screamed. 

_It was yours before I could admit it, and yours it shall ever remain._

Black roses grew where my tears dropped.

Each day I dress appropriately. I smile and listen. But on the inside, I’m broken.  
Until something happened. 

“The master of revels is dead, your Majesty”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, Jude returns! And cardan's trip to the human world!


	14. Chapter 6 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude returns to Elfhame as Taryn.

Chapter 6 

Someone had found Locke’s body on the beach, by the sea. Some mermaids brought him from the bottom of the sea to shore. And apparently, he was already dead when they threw him. He hadn’t drowned. Or so they said. 

“Your majesty,” says Randalin, accompanied by Yorn, my new grand General, “Why would anyone murder the Master of revels?”

Oh, I had a reason or two. Nevertheless, I remained quiet. 

“He had clear signs of struggle,” Yorn said.  
“Who would gain the most by killing him?” Randalin asked. 

He was implying, of course, Taryn. But would she? She was always the soft one. However, she had surprised me once, she could do it again. I was trying diligently not to think of the other possibility that comes to mind.

“She always seemed so peaceful,” Nihuar was saying, “Unlike her sister, oh! what about…?”

Silence. Everyone seemed to stopped breathing. She stopped abruptly and lowered her head. I looked at her. No one had dared to mention her name. 

There had been rumors, after all, about me. The Roach tried to stop them, but after the black roses started appearing in the garden, and some guards started talking about someone screaming in the night, everyone just assumed it had been me. Yet no one talks about it to my face. They assumed I missed her. They had seen me kissed her at the ball, they had seen how close we were, but they didn’t suspect the extent of my closeness. 

“Why would Jude Duarte kill Locke?” I asked, looking at Nihuar.

Someone gasped.

“Ehm…” Nicasia appeared at my council, unannounced. “She could just be doing the dirty work for her sister. You know, as well as I, that she has always helped her sister. And Locke was sometimes difficult to handle.”

I thought so, too.  
Did I dare to hope Jude had returned? It had been weeks since my last letter.

“Would “being difficult” justify killing someone?” I asked.

She looked at me. She appeared to have been crying. I forgot. They were close. She left me for him. 

“I don’t pretend to understand how humans think. But may I remind you, she can lie. We must have a trial”  
“I agree,” said Randalin, nodding. Yorn, too.  
“He was a member of the palace, and it involves a human. We cannot let them think they can do as they please. We already had that,” Nicasia spoke again.  
“Careful,” I said, looking at her. She lowered her head. “A trial, then?” I asked.

They agreed.

“Then it shall be done, tomorrow. Inform Taryn Duarte. Tomorrow we’ll decide her fate.”

After the meeting ended, I departed to my chambers, after having sent a message to the Roach and The Bomb to meet. They were expecting me, once I entered.

“What are you thinking, your Majesty?” The Bomb asked.  
“You cannot believe is Jude,” The Roach said, instead.

I looked at him. We hadn’t talked about her again, since I confessed my feelings for her the other night.

“Why not?” I asked.  
“She is not stupid. What would she gain? Her sister betrayed her,” he answered.  
“Humans are loyal,” I replied.  
“Not all,” he answered “certainly not Jude”  
“Don’t say that. She was to me”  
“After she put a crown on your head for her little brother, she was,” he replied.  
“what I’m not understanding?” the Bomb asks.  
“King Cardan believes Jude will return,” The Roach says.  
“Why? For the crown?”  
“For him…” he answers.

Silence. She opens her eyes and her mouth, but no words come out. The Roach nods. Then, she looks at me and for a second, I see her smiling, but she covers her face.

“The bet, we were right,” The Roach says.  
“I knew it!” she screams.  
I remained still, watching them. After some minutes, she looks at me.

“But you banished her?”  
“Yes”  
“Why?” she asks.

I asked myself the same question each night. 

“Orlagh needed to see me as a fair King, and Jude needed to learn to respect me”  
“So, you banished her?! That’s how you thought to teach her?!” 

It appeared I hadn’t thought it through. 

“She won’t ever trust you. Less likely she’d returned to a place like this and to yo…” she stopped abruptly, after the Roach took her hand, and calmed her. She seemed to had forgotten she was talking to her King, and not some teenage boy.

“I’m sorry, your Majesty,” she said.

“Returning to the point at hand,” the Roach says, “There hasn’t been any movement in Taryn’s house. No one has come in, except for Taryn, but she returned later in the night. Jude hasn’t returned, your Majesty. She probably never will.” 

I sigh. Hearing those words was never easy. Especially coming from someone else.

“I want you to be on guard. If she does appear tomorrow, I want no harm done to her,” I say, almost resigned to being wrong.

“Yes,” they both answered.

Afterwards, I’m left alone. 

You would think I’d be sadder about Locke dying, I wasn’t. As time passes by, the more I realize we weren’t friends. Only Nicasia and that was done also. Could It be that Jude was the only one who truly knew me?

I sighed. Another sleepless night.

\-----------------------------------

My people enjoy a good show. And one that involves a human, and related so closely to a murderer, had people even more excited. They had gathered in the High Court, ready to judge Taryn Duarte to death. 

I really didn’t want to kill Jude’s sister. After the banishment, she would never forgive me if I did. I needed to find a way. Maybe imprisonment. And I would have to glamour her. I adjusted my crown and walked to the hall. As I enter, I see the room is full. I walk to my throne. Nicasia is next to Randalin. All my council is here. All expecting to see a show. I look around, Taryn has not arrived. I can see The Bomb, the roach, and more fairies from the Court of Shadows watching me.  
I sit.  
There I can see people complaining, letting someone pass by. It must be Taryn. I check my papers. All the things we must rule today, besides Taryn: some robbery, kidnapping, a human’s death. All of this, because I don’t have a seneschal. And then, council meeting to discuss Madoc, yet again. Yorn certainly seemed to fear him.

“Taryn Duarte, wife of Locke. You must stand in the place of petitioners.”

One knight spoke. I looked up as I watch someone approaching.  
Someone. Who. Is. Not Taryn.  
I forget how to breathe. I freeze.  
She is here.  
She has returned.  
She has recovered from the sea.  
She seems healthier.  
I could cry. Tears of joy.  
But before I catch myself smiling, I keep my face under control. I mustn’t let anyone know she’s here. After all, she is banished. I must undo that first. She thinks she is so smart, she probably believes I can’t tell them apart.  
So naïve.  
She does a curtsy, lowering her head. She’s not even looking at me. Is she so afraid? Or is she timid? Better still. I don’t think I can hide my reaction when she does.

“Taryn?” I ask.

She lifts her head and finally, she’s in front of me. Her big eyes watch me with surprise. She has returned even more beautiful than before. Her hair is shining, her skin glows, she has recovered some of her weight. I can’t be happier. I want to go to her. To hold her. To ask her why she didn’t return sooner, or why she didn’t answer my letters. But we can’t. She came here pretending to be Taryn, and I must learn why.

“Your majesty,” her voice. I thought I never listen to that voice again. I tremble, subtly. My heart is beating so fast. I must control myself.

“We recognize your grief. We would not disturb your mourning were it not for questions over the cause of your husband’s death”

I must do this charade, to save her.  
“Do you really think she’s sad?” Nicasia asks. She goes near Jude. 

Would she recognize her? No. But still, I don’t like her so near Jude.

“Did you kill Locke yourself or did you get your sister to do it for you?” she asks.  
“Jude is in exile. And I’ve never hurt Locke,” she answers.  
“No?” I ask.

I remembered Taryn’s wedding, and Locke’s limping. She was wounded because of him, I’m certain. We never got to talk about that, but I just knew he was involved in her abduction.

“I lov… I loved him,” she replies.

Hearing her say it, hurt me. I guess I deserved that. I felt my chest ache, my throat tightening. Jealousy, old friend, and all my insecurities stand together beside me.

“Sometimes I believed that you did, yes,” I answer in all earnest. 

She looks at me without blinking, maybe she knows I’m actually speaking about her, and not Taryn.

“But you could well be lying. I am going to put a glamour on you. All it will do is force you to tell us the truth”

I knew it wouldn’t work, but there was always the small hope to succeed. I curved my hand and felt a magic surge.

“Now, tell me only the truth. What is your name?”  
“Taryn Duarte, daughter of Madoc, wife of Locke, subject of the High King of Elfhame”

Jude would have never answered that way. She was giving me a full performance.

“What fine courtly manners”  
“I was well instructed”  
“Did you murder Locke?”

Silence in the room.

“No. Nor did I orchestrate his death. Perhaps we ought to look to the sea, where he was found.” She looked at Nicasia.

“We know that Jude murdered Balekin. She confessed as much. And I have long suspected her of killing Valerian. If Taryn isn’t the culprit, then Jude must be. Queen Orlagh, my mother, swore a truce with you. What possible gain could she have from the murder of your Master of Revels. She knew he was your friend- and mine,” Nicasia speaks, and her voice almost breaks. She’s truly affected.

“Well, what do you think? Did your sister do it? And don’t tell me what I already know. Yes, I sent Jude into exile. That may or may not have deterred her,” I say.

“She had no reason to hate Locke. I don’t think she wished him ill.”  
“Is that so?” I ask.

My little, filthy mortal liar. She hated him when he married her sister, and afterward, her hatred only got bigger.

“Perhaps it is only Court gossip, but there is a popular tale about you, your sister, and Locke…” Lady Asha spoke. Her voice, her words were painful to hear. Her venomous tone made my skin crawl. I could remember all the times she used it on me. “She loved him, but he chose you. Some sisters cannot bear to see the other happy…”

I look at her. She is smiling. She knew how I felt, I was certain. She saw me in Jude’s room, she knows my feelings, but of course, she doesn’t care. So, she must talk about this in front of me, in front of everyone. Of course, she turns her head to me, and her smile disappears. Taunting me.

“Jude never loved Locke.” Jude’s voice interrupts. I turn my head to look at her. She’s blushing. 

What I’ve always wanted to know. 

“She loved someone else. He’s the one she’d want dead.” 

And as she’s speaking, I can see her transform into the person I was expecting. Her eyes shine with hatred, and I can see she knows I got the message. I flinch. She didn’t understand my words, or she’s pissed at my joke. Anyhow, I’m going to resolve this. 

“Enough, I have heard all I care to on this subject—”  
“No!” Nicasia interrupts, “Taryn could have a charm on her, something that makes her resistant to glamour”

I was tired of Nicasia before. Now, I’m almost certain I’ll send her somewhere very far away. Though, what she said could be very useful. 

“I suppose she’ll have to be searched.” I pronounce, smirking.

Jude gets pale rapidly. She must believe we will search her here, like at the Queen of Mirth or when she ate the apple. I wouldn’t do that to her again.

“My husband was murdered, and whether or not you believe me, I do mourn him. I will not make a spectacle of myself for the Court’s amusement when his body is barely cold.”

She saved herself. Very well.

“As you wish. Then I suppose I will have to examine you alone in my chambers.” I smile.

Finally, Jude and I, alone. Can’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, Cardan goes into the human world. That will be fun.


	15. Chapter 7 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's missing, Cardan goes to the human world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's long. Hope you like it.
> 
> I really hope I do justice to the idea many of you have of Cardan stepping into the human world.  
> So many ideas for AU...

Chapter 7

I’m walking ahead of her, and can’t help feeling excited. I’ve waited for her for so long. Almost every five seconds, I check her shadow behind me, although she is being followed by my guards. I’m afraid she’ll try to run. I’m so afraid of losing her again. She knows this charade will be over once I see her naked. She must know I know. I smile. My tail keeps moving, it’s out of control. Hope she doesn’t notice.  
I see a servant pass by and suddenly trips right in front of Jude, whose clothes now are soaked with wine.  
Well, clothes are definitely coming off now!  
I smile.  
Wait, that is strange… When has been a servant so clumsy? I look behind one more time, but the girl is gone. Jude looks at me. I can’t help remember the warning my councilors gave me about this all being some sort of trick between Taryn, or Jude, and Madoc.  
Would she betray me? Would she try and kill me, as she said?

Two servants open my bedroom door, and I throw myself at the nearest couch and gesture for everyone to leave. Jude stands in the middle of the room, clearly uncomfortable.  
She’s definitely healthier, she has gained some weight, I can see some of the curves I’ve missed so much. Her hair is longer. And that wonderful smell hasn’t disappeared.  
Finally, she senses me staring at her, and sets her eyes on me. I can’t help but smile. I’ve missed her so much.

“Well,” patting the couch, “Didn’t you get my letters?” I ask.  
“What?” She seems confused. She doesn’t move.  
“You never replied to a one. I began to wonder if you’d misplaced your ambition in the mortal world.”

Her eyes wandered. She seemed nervous, but that couldn’t be. She was never nervous in my presence.

“Your Majesty, I thought you brought me here to assure yourself I had neither charm nor amulet.”

She will keep the charade? I smile. Maybe we could do this. Undress and everything. We still haven’t celebrated our honeymoon, as humans called it. And I’ve waited long enough.

“I will if you like. Shall I command you to remove your clothes? I don’t mind.”  
“What are you doing? What are you playing at?”

What am I playing? She looks like she’s going to flee at any moment. Okay, game over.

“Jude, you can’t really think I don’t know it’s you. I knew you from the moment you walked into the Brugh.”  
“That’s not possible.” She denies it with her head.

Maybe if I go to her. I stand up. We’ve always understood better when it’s our bodies who do the talking.

“Come closer.”

As I take one step forward, she takes one step back. I freeze. What the hell? She has never backed away from me. I look at her. She looks ready to jump and attack. 

“My councilors told me that you met with an ambassador from the Court of Teeth, that you must be working with Madoc now. I was unwilling to believe it, but seeing the way you look at me, perhaps I must. Tell me it’s not true.”

Could my councilors be right? 

“I’m not the betrayer here,” she says.

As I listen, I take a step back. Betrayer? Is this about my last words?  
Oh, no. She didn’t understand…

“Are you angry about…” her pupils are dilated, she’s sweating, she’s breathing fast, and I could have sworn she’s trembling, just like prey running from her predator. “No, you’re afraid. But why would you be afraid of me?”

What did I do? Are we further apart than before?  
I feel pain, regret, and fear. The fear I’m losing her. Fear everything will tumble down if I do something wrong again. Fear. But also, a strange satisfaction, as well as frustration, crawls up inside me. I finally scared Jude, but at what expense?

“I’m not. I hate you. You sent me into exile. Everything you say to me, everything you promise, it’s all a trick. And I, stupid enough to believe you once.” 

No. Of course not. I didn’t mean to. I must explain before everything goes to shit.

“Of course it was a trick-“ I interrupt her, but then I see a knife in her hand.

No. No. NO!  
She wouldn’t. There must be an explanation.

And then an explosion and we fall to the floor. Things dropped. As soon as I’m able, I start looking for Jude and found her watching me a few steps away. The knife still in her hand. Did she plan this? Was this all a trick? Would she kill me? 

“Stay here,” she draws the blade and disappears through the door.  
“Jude, don’t-“ 

I wait a few minutes, and then get up slowly and walk to the door. And as I go through, I realize am too late. In front of me lies a dead guard and no Jude. She’s gone. Madoc. It must be. He must have thought she was Taryn and came to her rescue. He will kill her if he founds out who she is!

“NOT AGAIN!” I scream and feel my magic surge. 

I won’t let them take her away.  
My body is vibrating, my mind is in trance, and I’m furious and desperate. I lift my hands and can feel my magic spreading. I order every root in the ground to awaken. To grow as fast as they can, and to close every door of the Brugh. To stop everyone from leaving! And for the first time, I can act on more than plants and can feel every part of this castle breathing, everything that has matter I can touch it and can feel the wood in every door shrinking and breaking.

“NOW LET’S SHOW THEM!” my voice rumbled through the hall. 

Some guards come through the doors and stop as soon as they see me. 

“Find my prisoner, now!” I order. They disappear as fast as they came.

All my hate for Madoc, my desperation for Jude, has reached its peak. I can feel their bodies in my power, their legs and necks in my hands, and I squeeze them as if I had them next to me. Breaking. No death will be spared.

“Roach!” I scream.  
I know he is near. He comes after a few seconds, running through the painting in my room.

“Your majesty…” he stops in front of me and looks taken aback.  
“Stop Madoc, bring me Jude back!”  
“But... ”  
“NOW!” I scream, he pales and runs away.

I close my eyes and can feel Jude’s presence near me, as Madoc’s, but there are too many fairies. They broke me too fast, as pieces of roots are tear apart, and do not grow fast enough through necks and bodies. 

“Noooo!” I scream and begin to run through the hall, as I can hear one of the doors in the palace blow up. 

They are getting away. Madoc will kill her if he finds out she’s not Taryn.

“Your majesty!” suddenly, Yorn stops me, holding me from my arm. “They are gone.” I look at him, and he releases me. “We’ve lost them, they were too many. We kill almost half, but it wasn’t enough. It must have been Madoc.”  
“And my prisoner?” I asked, feeling the ire surging in my body.

He backed up a few paces. 

“We’ve lost her.”

I look at his face. For the first time, he seems actually afraid of me. The rest of the guards look to the ground.

“Find her. Find him! Get me my prisoner!” and as I scream I can hear every door bursting.

I storm into my chamber. I’m burning inside. I can’t lose her again! Not when we were so close to solving all this mess. A mess I created. A mess she helped create. A disaster! 

“Shit!”

I throw everything to the floor, I destroy every window around me and could feel everything and everyone around me as angry and desperate as I am.

“King Cardan”

As I hear my name, I turn to the voice. The Roach. 

“My king, calm yourself. You are destroying everything. Fairies are scared. I’m scared.”

He has a sword, but he throws it to the ground as soon as he sees me. Then he extends his arms as a sign of good faith.

“One of the guards was found dead in the patio. There was an intruder, Madoc must be behind this,” The Roach says.  
“Yes. He has Jude. I don’t know if he knows,” I answer.  
“Jude?”

I won’t dignify that question with an answer.

“Alright,” he says, moving slowly to the door. “The council is here. You must speak to them. A prisoner has escaped. But first, you must calm down.” 

“She could be killed!” I scream “It was all my fault. All a mistake. She didn’t understand!”  
“I know, I know…” he says, slowly. “Now it’s not the time to act irrational, we must look for her. She’s probably now with Madoc. There’s nothing we can do about that. But we need an army, your army. We need more fairies to go and look for her.”

Yes. He was right. I couldn’t stop Madoc. But I could find him.

“Let them in,” I said, fixing my hair and my crown. 

I must calm down. I hear them stepping into my room. I breathe in slowly. Open my eyes.

“Your majesty,” some of them say as they bow and enter.  
“She’s gone. We must find her,” I speak.

They look at me strangely. 

“That damned humans, always creating problems,” Randalin murmurs. “They should have never been allowed to come into the palace.”

At that, I feel my magic again. Someone screams. Randalin was suffocating. I was doing it. 

“Please, stop,” Nihuar was speaking.  
“Stop!” another scream. Mikkel.

After a few minutes, I let go.

“Leave!” I scream, throwing Randalin to the floor. “LEAVE!”

And I close the door.  
Finally, my magic and I had met. At the best and worst possible moment.  
The prophecy comes to mind. And I’m trembling.

\--------------------------------

If Madoc took Jude, someone must know something. How he’ll act. Where will he go? Someone that knows how he thinks.  
I did send my guards for him. He’ll supposedly meet with the Court of Teeth soon, so it’s only a matter of time until he appears. But what if he changes his plans? I needed some insight. I needed Jude. But if that wasn’t possible, then the next best thing was Taryn. She must be somewhere else.  
And who’s left? Vivienne.

“We must go to the mortal world,” I say, looking at the Bomb and the Roach.

They both look at me.

“You?” The Roach asks, smiling. “The King of fairies at the human world, why?”  
“I must find her,” I answer.  
“Have you ever been to the mortal world?” The Bomb asks.  
“No. I’ve never needed to. Almost every human I saved was sent with somebody else, I never needed to go. But I don’t think It’ll be too hard.”  
“The mortals are not all like Jude. They have different needs. For start, you can’t dress like that,” The Roach says looking at my clothes.  
“I know. But I can dress up, I can use a costume. I can glamour. What do they use? And I can use… ehm undergarments, like Jude, I don’t mind,” I reply. 

The Bomb smiles.

“Undergarments are not the issue,” The Roach says. “Those go under all the other clothes.”  
“Then?”  
“There are other fairies, like us, banished, killers, assassins who have escaped. If they know about you, it could be dangerous.”  
“But you both are coming with me.”

Obviously. The Roach raises an eyebrow.

“Must you come?” he asks.  
“I need to talk to Taryn. She must know something. She must be with Vivienne.”  
“I can talk to her as well,” he keeps saying.  
“I need to know what happened”  
“I can do that,” he replies.  
“I will force the information out of her.” I keep on saying.  
“I can also glamour,” he sighs.  
“I want to go!” I scream, finally. “I want to see where she has been, what she almost changed me for, what was it like. I want to see what she saw, what is so extraordinary about out there.”

They both stared.

“I want to understand. I need to. I want to learn more.”

The Bomb looks surprised and confused, while The Roach covers his face.

“Our King is smitten,” he murmurs.  
“Why it’s so hard to understand that I want to go?!” I ask.  
“Alright!” he finally says. “We’ll go tomorrow, I’ll bring you some clothes. And you will listen to me, though you are the King, I’m the one in charge, understood?”

I nod.  
Finally. I’m so excited. I smile.

“Like a child with a new toy,” he says, leaving the room, the Bomb behind him.

\---------------------------------

The next day we depart at midday. Humans strangely wake up when the Sun appears, and sleep at night. How do they work is beyond me.  
We travel by ragwort horses, and we’re easily in the city by an hour. We are all in glamour, apparently pointy ears, tails, wings, skin that is not a certain color, is rather frowned upon. I do not understand why, but I believe him.  
The Roach seems to have a lot of experience in the human world, I wonder how many times has he come. The Bomb is wary as we walk down the street. She’s wearing pants and sneakers. Sneakers are something that covers your feet. Why would you want that, you may ask? Well, the soil in here is something called cement, there’s no earth and it’s actually a little hot with the sun. So, I’m using them as well. Apparently, I have big feet. Go figure. I’m wearing jeans with a belt because showing my undergarments is not proper. Jeans are blue pants, they have a zipper and buttons, hard to manage. I don’t know why they use so many clothes. The Roach says is because they can’t manage their skin temperature as we do. Strange, Jude’s skin was always warm.

“Maybe that’s got something to do with you, your Majesty,” he says, looking at me. The Bombs laughs.  
I’m shocked at first. Then I smile.  
“Perhaps,” I say, laughing.

Sometimes I forget we’ve come here because she’s missing. Luckily, there are many things here to distract me.  
The buildings here are very strange; some are small, and others, enormous. How many people can live in them? Also, there are no horses, almost no animals, though sometimes I see birds: pigeons and others. Humans, seemly have forgotten they coexist with other species. It makes me wary as well. If you don’t respect the other inhabitants in your world, how can you survive? That’s one of the main problems in my land. Also, there are no rivers, no lakes. And they don’t hunt, there are things called supermarkets, where they get their food.

“There are pipes that transport water?” I ask. “How? That is not magic?”  
“No. Apparently not. They have studied them, it works with machines.”  
“Machines?”  
“There are machines for everything”  
“What is a machine?”

These machines are everywhere. They have them in buses or cars, or so they are called, the machines that move by itself.

“Not by itself. They drive them, like a horse, but with pedals”  
“How?” I ask. “Does it understand? Does it speak?”

He rolls his eyes at me.

“What?”

People walk ahead of us, and sometimes they pass by and stare. I don’t know why. People here have green eyes, blue eyes, and eyes like Jude. And almost all have small ears, just like her. Cute. And they are smaller than me. Maybe that’s what odd about me. I’ve had to make sure twice that my tail is hidden, but they still stop and stare.

“Why do they look at me and not you?”  
“You are prettier, your majesty,” says the Roach laughing. The Bomb stares and just open her arms, letting me know she doesn’t know.

Some have blue hair, and others green. Maybe they are not as different as we.

“That’s not their real color. They paint it”  
“Why?” I ask.  
“They like it,” he answers.  
“Well, maybe they would like us.”  
“No, your majesty. They wouldn’t.”  
“How do you know?” 

I stop walking. He stops, too.

“They get scared easily. They are accustomed to seeing always the same. It’s like us with humans. We tolerate them but after millions of years. And still, some end up dead.”

I look at other humans who have black skin across the street.

“Humans even kill people who don’t share their same color skin. Like them,” pointing at them. “Imagine what would happen if someone with green skin appeared on the street, or with wings and a tail, or looking like a bug, what would they do?”  
“They kill themselves?” I ask, astounded. 

Somehow, I thought they would care more about each other than we did.

“Just like we, your majesty. Remember your family.” 

Sadly, I was wrong. 

“They would try to kill us, and we would kill them and it would be war and a massacre. They are not ready. Just like us. We need to let them be, and we must remain a secret.”  
“How did Jude…?” 

I don’t finish my question. He understands. He looks at me.

“She is different. She was raised there. Maybe if we had all started together, we could have had a chance. Now…” he denies with his head.

How did she tolerate living in my world, when things are so different? And why did she stay here, after I exiled her? Why didn’t she return? She walked here, looking at all these humans, after having watched extraordinary beings, after having lived with magic, and couldn’t imagine her not being bored, not wanting to come back, not being angry… at me. 

A sound distracted me.

The noise in this place is too much. People talk loudly, horns, the Roach taught me, almost every minute. Music, not like ours, comes at every corner. It was like overstimulation. The smell also is very intense, some people smell like flowers, while others smelled like alcohol, and others smelled just badly. Humans had a different odor than us. Not like Jude, though.

As I turn, I found some girls looking at me across the street, laughing.

“Why are they laughing?” I ask.  
“I don’t know,” he answers.

I stop walking and look at them. One crosses the street and approaches me. She has blond hair and has Jude’s height.

“Hi.”

That was not the proper way to approach a King. Okay.

“Hello,” I answered. I would be civil. 

Even her voice was strange. She had an accent.

“Are you from here?” she asks.

I look at The Roach and the Bomb, they both denied with their heads.

“No,” I answer. “Why?”  
“Are you a model?”  
“A what?” I ask.  
“A model?” She asks again. I look at her not knowing what to say.  
“Oh my God, you don’t know what’s a model?”  
“A model for what?” 

I’m confused.  
She took something from a bag, almost like a book, and shows me some humans with different clothes and hair.

“These are models, have you ever been on a photoshoot?”  
“A photo…what?” I ask, again.  
“Are you from Europe… maybe Sweden or Germany?”

What? I didn’t understand anything she was saying.  
Why could I understand Jude, but not her?  
She was looking at me funny. Some of her friends came to her side, and they were laughing.

“Can we take a picture with you?”  
“Maybe a tik tok, you know?”  
“What’s your Instagram?”

I didn’t understand any of this. One came to my side, and the other held my arm, while a light appeared repeatedly, and some music was blasting, while one girl even started dancing.

“What are you doing?” I ask.  
“OMG, you are so tall, can I have your phone number?”  
“Are you on Tinder?”

What?!

“Okay, enough,” and The Roach pulled me from them and made me walk, while I could hear the human girls still calling me “hey”.  
“What was that?” I asked. “Why did they call me “Hey”?  
“That’s not…”  
“Or is it like hay?”  
“Ehm…”  
“I’m not hay and…”  
“Your majesty!” he interrupted me. I shut up after that. He looked at me, he seemed pissed. He sighed.

“Humans apparently love fairies,” he ended up saying.  
“They recognized me?!” I asked, surprised.  
“Nooo,” he rolled his eyes, was he mocking me? “…but apparently you have kept some features that humans like.”  
“What?”  
“Your face, it would seem you are attractive to some humans”  
“Oh”

My mouth was an O. After some minutes, I smiled. Maybe Jude liked those features too.

“But Jude didn’t act like that”

The Roach rolled his eyes, again.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let him come,” The Roach murmured, going away, sighing.

“Your Majesty, Jude is not like them,” and she laughed. “Probably she would have murdered one of them if she had been here. They were smitten with you,” The Bomb answered.  
“But I didn’t do anything.”  
“It’s like in the palace, My king. Just see it that way.”

I smiled. I’m attractive in here, also? That’s so incredible. 

We walk the rest of the way in silence. People continued to stare at me, but no one else approached. And finally, we reached the house.

“That’s Vivienne,” The Roach said, pointing at it.

The house was small. It had plants. But it’s was not the place I had to imagine Jude living in.

“Stay here, I’ll check it out,” The Bomb said, and started running, hiding in bushes and behind bags.

Jude probably wasn’t here. I couldn’t imagine her and Madoc staying here. Madoc would be disgusted by this place. Yet once, he did come. To take Vivienne back, with Jude and Taryn. Everything for revenge.

I never thought what must have been like for Jude and her sister to find out your parents were murdered, and the green monster that did it, was in front of you, ready to kidnap you. She must have been afraid, maybe for the first time in her life.

“Your majesty, it’s clear. It’s only them.”  
“Whose them?”  
“Humans: Vivienne and… Taryn”

I knew it.

\--------------------------

The Bomb let us pass to the front door, and the Roach stood in front and knock. I was hiding out of sight, so they wouldn’t run.

“Hello?” a woman answered. A Human.  
“Hello, we are looking for Vivienne?” he asked.  
“Vivi? Yes, she is here, who are you?” she asked.

I could feel The Roach doing some magic, and felt the door opening. Next thing, we entered the house quietly. The human girl was standing, without blinking, at the front door. I passed in front of her and walk into what I presumed was the kitchen, because of all the food that was lying there. The Roach continued to the next room and stopped. 

“What are you doing here?!” Taryn’s voice.

“Well, hello,” I said, and couldn’t resist moving next to him. She opened her big eyes, paled, and stepped backward. 

“Your majesty,” she murmured.  
“I thought you could be here.”  
“Who are you talking to…?” Vivi stopped as soon as she saw me. “Cardan, what… where’s Heather?” she asked, looking everywhere.  
“She’s glamoured at the front door,” The Roach answered. “And she will stay that way until we get some answers.”

Vivi looked at him, then at me, and she began running, but the Bomb stopped her and pushed her to a couch.

“Sit,” I said, looking at Taryn. “Next to your sister, we will not harm. I just want answers.”

Vivi was struggling, but whatever The Bomb did, she couldn’t move. Taryn moved next to Vivi and sat. I walked and sat in front of them.

“Well, isn’t this cozy?” I smiled, crossing my legs.  
“What do you want?” Taryn asked.  
“Isn’t it obvious?” I look at her, and couldn’t stop comparing her to Jude. And each time I found them even more different.  
“Jude isn’t here,” she said.  
“I know. She was at my palace, but then someone took her.”

Vivi stopped struggling and listened. Taryn sat up straighter.

“Why was she there, Taryn? It was your trial.”

She looked at me, then Vivi, then The Roach. Was she looking for a way out? She surely could try running away, her success though, wasn’t so certain.

“I offered her to take my place, to return to Elfhame. She could escape once the trial was done. I don’t know anything about a kidnapping.”

I looked at her, then Vivi. They knew I could glamour her, she was not Jude. Why would she risk lying to me?

“Where’s Madoc?” I asked.  
“We don’t know,” Vivi answered. “Taryn came a week ago, and she told us about the trial. Jude accepted. I told her we should all just stay here and never return. But she didn’t listen. She wanted to see you, she wanted…” and she stopped talking. 

Wanted to see me? 

“Wanted what?” I ask.

She stared at me for a few seconds.

“She wanted revenge,” she said, finally.

I inhale slowly.  
“Did you kill Locke or was it Jude?” The Roach asked. 

Taryn looked at him.

“I did it.”  
“Why?” I asked.  
“Are you going to kill me?” she asked.  
“It depends on your answer,” I reply, smirking.  
“He was cruel. He cheated on me, he was tired of me and wanted to get rid of me. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”  
“He was always cruel, why now?” The Roach asked.

She then looked at me. She knew that he tried to kill Jude. I could tell. Maybe she did care for her sister.

“He needed to be stopped before he did something else.”  
“What?” The Roach continued.  
“Was is it to you? He’s dead. Where’s Jude?!” Taryn yelled.  
“I thought you should know. After all, I assume your father thought he was saving you.”  
“Madoc,” Vivi murmured, looking at Taryn.  
“I haven’t talked to him, I swear. I don’t know where he is,” Taryn got up, seemingly frightened.  
“Sit,” The Roach said, pointing a crossbow to her.

She did.

“Cardan,” Vivi talked, “we don’t know where Madoc is. You know I don’t have any relationship with him. And we haven’t heard from Jude. Was she kidnapped? Or maybe she wanted to run away? Are you certain? She was really mad at you. You tricked her.”

Oh. Vivi knew. Jude had told her about our marriage. What else did Vivi know? Could she be right? Could have Jude run away?  
No. She wanted to talk. She came back to Elfhame for me. Vivi said so. She wanted something. Jude didn’t back away from a fight. Never did. She wanted me. She even said so on trial. 

“No,” I answered, “She wouldn’t have run away.”  
“How can you be so certain?” Taryn asked, mockingly. “You don’t know her.”  
“I SAID NO!” I yelled and the windows shattered.

Everyone got surprised, even me. I looked at the mess I made.

“Look…” I said, really slowly, “I actually don’t care if you kill Locke or not. I want to find Jude. I need you to contact your father and get his location.”

Taryn was really scared. She looked just like Jude a few days ago. Sweating. Breathing fast.  
She wasn’t speaking.

“I don’t want to glamour you, but I will,” I threatened. Taryn got even paler.  
“Vivi!” a little voice appeared suddenly, “What is wrong with Hea…?”

Oak appeared in front of us and stopped.

“Oak, come over,” Vivi said.

He looked at his sister, then at me.

“Where’s Jude?” he asked, looking at me.

If he was asking, that meant they didn’t know. He can’t lie.

“She’s with your father, I presume” I reply.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“Because he thought she was Taryn,” and I looked at her.  
“But they are so different.”  
“I know,” I replied.

Oak finally moved next to me and sat. Vivi tried signaling him to go closer to her, but he didn’t obey.  
I could feel the same magic in me within him. It was strange. Almost like a bond, as you knew we came from the same place. 

“Why is Heather paralyzed?” Oak asked.

I sigh. Looked at Vivi, then at The Roach. He rolled his eyes and disappeared, and after a few minutes, Heather appeared in front of us. Vivi suddenly moved and hugged her.

“What’s wrong? Who are these people?” Heather asked.  
“They are friends of Jude,” Vivi answered.  
“Oh, did she return?”  
“No, she hasn’t. They are looking for her.”  
“Oh.”

And she stared at me. Again. Like every other human. 

“Mmm… Heather,” Vivi hit her with her elbow. Heather finally looked at her and stopped staring at me.  
“He seems different,” Heather said.  
“He is,” and Vivi disappeared with Heather behind a door.

“I thought you hated Jude,” Taryn suddenly said. “Yet here you are, searching for her. And I don’t think is because you want to punish her.”  
“I could say the same about you,” I replied. “You tricked me and her. You fooled us.”

She swallowed. 

“I thought I was doing the right thing. Madoc has always protected us.”  
“Did he now? Especially when he killed your parents.” 

She looked away.

“Look, you and Jude, you were always playing, always plotting and I didn’t understand. I thought I was doing the right thing.”  
“How did you know I would listen to you? Or… Jude?”  
“My father told me he listened to both of you fighting, and said something about Jude having a certain power over you.”

At her wedding. Madoc saw us.

“Why didn’t you talk to her?”  
“Why didn’t you?!” she replied.

The Roach approached us. While Oak walks out of the room, leaving us alone.

“Your Majesty, we must leave soon. It’s getting late here.” 

I look at Taryn.

“Can you contact him?” I asked, glamouring her. I can’t hold it anymore. Time is passing by. I’m getting desperate.  
“No,” she answered.  
“Do you know where is he? Or her?”  
“No.”

I sigh. The Bomb and the Roach both stare at me. Resigned.  
Vivi decides to come at that moment, with Oak next to her, holding something in a cup.

“Taryn,” she immediately sees the glamour and runs to her, holding her. “Cardan, what did you do?!”  
“King Cardan to you,” The Bomb interrupts.  
“Oh,” I stand up. “She’s just glamoured, nothing else. I just needed to be certain.”  
“Release her!” she says looking at me.  
“You don’t command the King,” the Roach intervene, stepping between her and me. I smile.  
“Cardan, please,” she begs.

I raise the glamour and look at both of them. Taryn stares at me, clearly upset. 

“How could she trust you, is beyond me,” Taryn says, with tears in her eyes. “You are all the same.” And she leaves the room.  
“I could say the same!” I reply, annoyed. I rolled my eyes.

Why did everyone decide they could judge my relationship with Jude?

“Uhm”  
I look at my leg, Oak was there, touching me, offering something.  
“Would you like a slushie?” he says.

He offered a red drink, that didn’t look good. Maybe it had poison.

“What is it?” I asked while Vivi spoke. “Oak, leave the King alone”  
“Why?” Oak asked. “Maybe he’s thirsty. Heather taught me to be polite.”

I looked at her, then at this little fairy. I took the slushie.

“It’s cold.”  
“It is a slushie, King” he replied.  
“What does it contain?” The Bomb asked.  
“Ice, and fruits” Vivi answered. “It’s not poisoned if that’s what you think. Oak loves them.”  
“Why is it red?” I asked.  
“The strawberries.”  
“Straw.. what?”  
“A fruit,” Vivi replied, “it’s sweet, you’ll like it.”

I took a sip. My tongue got numb for a few seconds, my head ached, but then I could savor the sweetness. It was nice. 

“How do you have ice? I don’t see any around here” I ask the little fairy.  
“Oh, is in the fridge.”  
“The what?”  
“Oh, no,” The Roach whispers and goes sit at the sofa. Vivi seems confused. The Bomb smiles and sits next to him. “This will take a while.”  
“I’ll show you,” Oak takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen, where he shows me the fridge, a big rectangular machine, that produces ice with water that comes through pipes. It’s amazing.

“I want one!” I yelled.

He then showed me the tap, where the water came through. And it was incredibly fresh. 

“Here we make fire,” and he started the thing called the kitchen, and fire appeared, with little flames on a circle. “Heather cooks, Vivi and Jude usually just clean stuff.” 

At the name of Jude, I felt my heartache. I couldn’t keep distracting myself, while she was in danger. 

“Was your sister happy here?” I ask.  
“Jude?”

I nod. He looks through the window. He sighs. 

“It was like… she was waiting for something. She just sat there and watch TV, and punished me when I did something bad, not on purpose, of course. She was quiet,” he replies.

“I’ll find Jude,” I say, looking at him.

He looks at me.

“I must go.” 

And walk to where The Roach and The Bomb are waiting. They both stand up as they see me. 

“We must leave.”

Vivi stands up also. Taryn appears behind a wall.

“If you know anything, you’ll let me know. Swear it, Vivienne.” I look at her.  
“I swear if I know anything I’ll tell you,” she answers.  
“Taryn,” I look at her.  
“I do,” she says. “I swear. No more glamour, please,” and she raises her hands, defensively.  
I nod.

“Goodbye, King.” Oak comes to my side. “Watch over my kingdom,” he says, smiling.

Such disrespect. I can’t avoid smirking. The Roach and the Bomb both stare, in shock.

“Let’s go,” and I walk to the door.

We leave by sunrise and arrive at Elfhame at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, Cardan goes to Jude's rescue at Madoc's.


	16. chapter 13 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 sort of, right?  
> Cardan and the Roach go after Jude, but something goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are reaching the end soon!! I'm so excited for the new chapters! hope you enjoy it!

A week had not passed by since my visit to the human world when Vivienne appeared.

I was in one of my meetings, trying to create a plan to lure Madoc when one of my guards interrupted.

“My king”  
“What?” I asked, pissed and tired. I didn’t even look at the one talking.  
“There’s someone here to see you”  
“I’m at a meeting, can’t you see?”  
“Leave!” Yorn shouts while lifting a map.  
“It’s Madoc’s daughter, my King. She says she knows where the human is”

As I hear, I turn around. Jude? No. It can’t. She was never recognized as Madoc’s daughter, merely her tutor, but then, who is here?

“Vivienne,” I say, as I walk into the room, and see her. She looks uncomfortable.  
“Cardan,” she gets up as soon as she sees me.  
“King Cardan,” says Yorn, behind me, “Be respectful.”

Vivi rolls her eyes and offers me a paper.

“What’s this?” I say as I took it. It’s a letter.  
“A letter, from Oriana”  
“From…?” I look at her, then at the letter.

She looks at me, then at Yorn. I understand immediately. 

“Yorn, leave us, I need to speak to her alone,” I say.  
“But…” he starts speaking.  
“Now!” I scream.

He starts walking and then the door closes.

“She says she’s with Jude… and Madoc,” Vivi says.  
“Jude is with Oriana? Why would she help her?”  
“That’s my point. I fear is a trap. And Jude’s been caught. We need your help and you bind me to tell you everything, so I’m here.”  
“When was this send?” I ask.  
“It arrived yesterday.”  
“Did she say where they at?”  
“Yes”

Finally, I had a lead. Somewhere to start looking. I would go, trap or not. I read the letter, it clearly stated that Jude needed help and where they at: The Court of Teeth. I called The Roach and The Bomb, and with Vivi we devise a plan to go after Jude. Vivi would write to Oriana to let her know she would look for her sister, and we would be waiting. 

“What do you mean I can’t go?” I ask, almost yelling.  
“Uhm… you are the King, Madoc wants to kill you?” The Roach replied, looking at me like I was stupid.  
“I know. But it’s Jude, she’s my wife!” as I finish talking, I look at him, then at Vivi, both staring. “What?!” I scream.

The Bomb gets up and comes near me.

“It’s too risky, we will bring her safe,” she says.  
“No,” I reply.  
“Cardan, it’s most probably a trap. If you get caught, Madoc wins,” Vivi says.  
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not useless, I can do things, more than before.”

The Roach stares at me in silence. Why do I feel like I’m begging? Again?

“It’s not a question. I will come and that’s final. We should be discussing how are we going to get in and out without getting caught,” I speak.

The Roach sighs.

“Vivienne will write to Oriana, telling her where she’ll wait, while I go ahead and look for Jude, making sure she’s alright, and getting ahead of Madoc’s plans.”  
“Right, I’ll go with you. The Bomb stays with Vivienne,” I say.  
“No.” The Roach stares.  
“No?”  
“Oh, come on!” Vivi gets up and walks around the room. “My sister is probably in danger and you two can’t agree on anything. Listen, Roach?” she looks at him, “Cardan won’t agree to stay behind when it comes to Jude, you better accept that and deal with it, okay?!”

The Roach and I both stunned, we remained silent. 

“Right, then?” she asks.  
“Right…” The Roach looks at the Bomb, then at me, “Maybe her whole family is bossy”  
“Jude’s? what did you expect with Madoc raising them?” I reply, laughing, and shutting up the moment Vivi comes closer.

The letter was sent, and we prepared to depart at midnight. Vivi had gone for Taryn because apparently, I wasn’t the only one comfy staying at home while others rescued her sister, and… Grima Mog. Of course, Jude had made a friend in the human world, and it had to be a vicious killer. They would depart earlier by horse ride, made camp, and prepare to wait for us later. We would join them after I’d finish with all my affairs from Court. 

\-----------------------------------

The moment we arrived I was received with a sword at my neck. Grima Mog.

“What is he doing here?” she asks.  
“I’m part of the rescue team,” the Roach stands by my side and pulls his knife.  
“Fancy meeting you here,” Grima Mog smiles looking at The Roach.  
“Easy,” Vivienne appears. “They are with us. They’ve come to help.”  
“That family has never helped anyone,” she replied, looking at me, “Fewer kings and Queens, selfish fairies and all.”

I feel that in my chest, but I don’t react. I look at her. She could be useful when Jude’s around. I may need her. 

“You have nothing to say, young King?” she asks.  
“Afraid not,” I say, and lower my friend’s weapons. “I’ve come for Jude, not to fight you.”

She drops her sword and stares.

“She hates you. Why have you come?” she asks.

A deafening silence follows. Everyone stares.  
Of course, it hurts hearing how much Jude loathes me… but how does Grima Mog even know that?! Did Jude talk to her? How did they meet?

“Oh. Did it hurt?” she asks, smiling.

I don’t give her the satisfaction of reacting. I just stare. 

“My King, don’t mind her. She’s bitter.” The Roach says, “She’s in exile and for that she hates everyone.”

Grima Mog looks at the Roach.

“I should have killed you when I had the chance.”  
“Perhaps you can,” he replies.  
“Stop!” Taryn shouts, “My sister is in here, somewhere, let us remind ourselves who the real enemy is: Madoc, not us.”  
“Yes, and it’s almost time for the meeting,” Vivi replies.

I look at her. Then at The Roach. He moves away from Grima Mog and goes near a tree, climbing it.

“Camp is over there,” Grima Mog points North. “A lot of fairies. It won’t be easy.”

I sigh.

“It never is,” I reply.

I pull my cloak over my shoulders. Mother Marrow’s magic cloak. I came prepared. I smile. I won’t let anyone take my joy away. Finally, I will talk with Jude and solve everything out. The Roach covers his face with a cloak as well, and after grabbing some knives, he signals me to follow him. Quietly, we start the descend to Madoc’s camp, with only the stars signaling the way. Ever since she left, I’ve been practicing the art of hiding, of not making a noise, and of fighting. The Roach has let me fight him, since The Ghost is not around, and I’ve improved, maybe not as Jude’s level, but I’m better. And since my powers have grown stronger, it’s easier to feel safer.  
What will she say once she sees me there? Trying to save her? I can imagine her face, her mockery, the once prince, now King, hiding in a camp to save a human girl? I can also see the irony. But things have changed so fast, and now I’m not the same as before. Or at least I hope so. The last time she was so distrustful, maybe this time she’ll understand. Maybe she’ll let me explain.  
The Roach makes a sign to stop and I hide behind some tools. Fairies from the Court of Teeth pass by. My face is without makeup, no shining stuff. My clothes are ordinary, and only the cloak is the one thing extraordinary, but no one will know, other than Jude and me. My purpose is to blend in. Is to make me as unnoticeable as possible. All my life I’ve fought exactly that, not to be one more, but to be unique, to be different, to make my father see me, to make my brothers notice me, and now? Here I am, dirty, hiding, all for a human.  
Suddenly, as a breeze passes us by, I can smell Jude’s perfume in it. She’s close. 

“She should be next to the big tent, the one over there. Madoc must be in the big one, and Oriana should use the next. Jude should be there,” and he moves slowly, until I stop him, taking his arm.  
“She’s not there. I can smell her. The odor is not that way,” I whisper.  
“What?!” he makes a face, obviously, he doesn’t believe me. “You can smell Jude?”  
“I can, she’s not that way,” I reply.  
“Card… My king, I don’t smell anything, and I can smell better than you.”  
“Not her,” I remark, stern.

He looks me into my eyes and then withdraws a few steps.

“How can you be so certain is her smell?”  
“I know, alright? I know her.”  
“Then, wait for me here, I’ll go check that tent if Madoc is there, or who else, and will return. Keep your eyes open, your Highness.”  
“What? No. I want to go.” 

He sighs.

“I’ve not come down here just to watch,” I reply, upset. Jude must see me rescuing her.  
“You want to go in?” he asks.  
“Of course!” 

He signals me to shush, pushing me behind a barrel. 

“My King, you must control yourself, if you don’t want to get caught”  
“Then you must hear me out. Jude’s not there. She’s over there,” and I signal east. “We must not waste any time. If you go to that tent, I’ll follow Jude’s smell over there and then we meet over here, whoever was right, will bring Jude next to him.”  
“You won’t listen to a word I’ll say, will you?” he asks, annoyed.  
“I am your King, you should listen to me,” and I smile, “I’m positive she’s there.”  
“Fuck,” he whispers and moves east. I smile and follow him.

The smell gets intense near a small tent with a guard outside. There’s no light inside. The guard is sleeping.

“There!” I whisper. 

The Roach stops and makes a gesture trying to smell the air, but after a few seconds, he looks at me, rolling his eyes.

“I smell nothing,” he says.  
“Because that’s you,” I reply.  
“Alright, let’s see if you’re right. I smack this guy and leave him unconscious, while you wait for me, and we both go in together? yes?”  
“Yes.”

He moves slowly, through some plants, and somehow, I lost track of him. I remain watching the entry of the tent. Then, I hear a bump, and some leaves moved. The guard is no longer there. That’s my queue. I move fast to the tent and look out to hear anything. Not a voice. I slide my hand and I’m only received with darkness. Should I go in? Should I wait for the Roach? Of course not. I enter really quiet and slow and as my eyes grow accustomed to the darkness, I can see a table, smell some food, but her smell here is intense. There are some bags, and at the corner, there’s a lump, and I can hear someone’s breathing. I come closer, and can definitely see the lump moving slowly. She’s sleeping. I can’t believe I’ve caught Jude Duarte sleeping, and she hasn’t noticed me. I tiptoe to her and when I’m at reach, I can see her face. She’s almost completely concealed under a blanket, her hair and part of her face are out. She has her eyes closed and looks so calm and restful this way. No one would tell she could kill you with her bare hands. I smile and extend my hand to touch her hair when I hear a noise and stop. I look behind me. The Roach is standing on the entry. He extends his arms, almost in question. I point at the body. He comes closer and stands next to her, on the other side. She’s almost waking up. If she screams, we are done. I put my hand over her mouth and can feel the exact moment she wakes up. Her breath into my hand, and then an elbow hits my stomach, and I’m forced to take a step back, before falling on my ass. The Roach laughs.

“Jude, we’ve come to save you. Screaming would really hurt the plan,” he says, still laughing.  
“You’re lucky I didn’t stab you!”

Her voice once again. I smile. She’s alive and well.  
The Roach produces some light.

“I told him to watch out, but would he listen? I’d have ordered him, if not for the little matter of his being the High King.”  
“Cardan sent you?” she asks.  
“Not exactly,” he replies.

And at that moment, she turns and looks at me. I smile, unable not to, after not seeing her for such a long time. Her face pales and looks almost into shock. I swear if I’d gotten stab, the look in her face had worth it.

“You shouldn’t be here.”  
“I said that, too. Really, I miss the days when you were in charge. High Kings shouldn’t be gallivanting around like common ruffians,” The Roach speaks.  
“What about uncommon ruffians?” I speak, laughing until she swings her legs over the edge of the bed, letting us see almost everything of her body, covered in a see-through nightgown. I’m torn between covering her up or keep on looking.

“How did you find me?” she says, running to someplace, finally finding a dress.

I find I do not know how to speak. Luckily, the Roach does. It’s been too long since I could appreciate her body, and now I’m speechless.

“Your sister Vivienne. She came to the High King with a message from your stepmother. She worried it was a trap. I was worried it was a trap, too. A trap for him. Maybe even for myself.” 

She seems confused. She looks at him but then turns to look at me.

“Vivi went to you?”

Why that tone? Am I so unapproachable? So despicable?

“We spoke after Madoc carried you off from the palace. And whom did I find in her little dwelling but Taryn? We all had quite a lot to say to one another.”

She stares openly, firstly my garments, then my face. Finally, she frowns.  
What the hell?!  
She pulls her shoes from under a table and starts putting them on.

“I can’t go with you yet. There’s something I have to do. And something I need you to give me.”

Sigh. Obviously.

“Perhaps you could just allow yourself to be rescued. For once.” I say.  
“Perhaps you could just give me what I want,” she replies.  
“What?” The Roach asks. “Let’s put our cards on the table, Jude. Your sisters and their friend are waiting with the horses. We need to be swift.”  
“You let them come?” she asks, surprised.  
“They insisted, and since they were the ones who knew where you were, we had no choice.” The Roach replies.

She considers what he says for a minute, before taking his light and finding… a wineskin.

“This is dosed with a sleeping draught. I was going to take this to some guards, steal a key, and free a prisoner. We were supposed to escape together.”

Together?

“Prisoner?” The Roach asks.  
“I saw the maps in Madoc’s war room. I know the formation in which he means to sail against Elfhame, and I know the number of his ships. I know the soldiers in this encampment and which Courts are on his side. I know what Grimsen is making in his forge. If Cardan will promise me a safe passage to Elfhame and to lift my exile once we’re there, I will give all that to you. Plus, you will have the prisoner delivered into your hands before he can be used against you.”  
What?! If “I promise safe passage”? Apparently, she never deciphered my message nor got my letters. 

“If you’re telling the truth,” the Roach says. “And not leading us into a net of Madoc’s making.”  
“I’m on my own side, you of all people should understand that,” she replies.

The Roach looks at me, almost hearing him say “told you so”. NO. I look at her. I must make her understand. But not now. 

“Since you’re mortal, Jude, I cannot hold you to your promises. But you can hold me to mine: I guarantee you a safe passage. Come back to Elfhame with me, and I will give you the means to end your exile,” I say as honestly as I can.  
“The means to end it?” she asks.  
“Come back to Elfhame, tell me what you would tell me, and your exile will end, I promise,” I respond.

She stares again.  
Please, believe me. 

“Madoc is keeping the Ghost prisoner. Grimsen has the key we need-“ she starts saying, getting interrupted,  
“You want to free him? Let’s gut him like a haddock. Quicker and far more satisfying.” The Roach says, almost screaming.  
“Madoc has his true name. He got it from Locke. Whatever punishment the Ghost deserves, you can dole it out once he’s back in the Court of Shadows. But it’s not death.”  
“Locke?” Of course. “Yes, all right. What do we have to do?” I ask.  
“I was planning to sneak into Grimsen’s forge and steal the key to the Ghost’s chain,” she answers.  
“I’ll help you,” says the Roach, and then looks at me. “But you, sire, will absolutely not. Wait for us with Vivienne and the others.”

Really? Again? 

“I am coming. You cannot order me otherwise,” I reply.  
“I can learn from Jude’s example, though. I can ask for a promise. If we’re spotted, if we’re set upon, promise to go back to Elfhame immediately. You must do everything in your power to get to safety, no matter what”

I cannot believe this. Manipulated. Their King... and Jude won’t help me either.

“Although I am wearing the cloak Mother Marrow made me, the one that will turn any blade, I still promise to run, tail between my legs. And since I have a tail, that should be amusing for everyone. Are you satisfied?” I reply. The Roach grunts and finally, we start moving.

Jude moves fast and we follow. I can see her sometimes looking back at me, almost not believing I’m there. I watch her, too. I’m afraid of losing her once again. It’s strange all acting as a team once again.  
We reach Grimsen’s forge in no time.

“So, you’ve seen this key?” The Roach asks.  
“It’s crystal and hanging on the wall. And he’s begun a new sword for Madoc.” Jude replies.  
“I wouldn’t mind ruining that before it’s put to my throat,” I say.  
“Look for the big one. That’ll be it. Really big.” She says again.

I snort. Wow. That will do.

“And we ought to be careful. There are bound to be traps.” Jude says.  
“We’ll go in and out fast. But I would feel a lot better if the both of you stayed out and let me be the one to go in,” The Roach says.

Zero possibility.  
He gives up and starts picking the lock, then applies some oil on the joints and we enter slowly. The place is a mess, full of incomplete objects, weapons, and things I do not understand. Jude approach what seems to be the key and lifts it. Of course, I stay near her, in case something happens. The Roach, on the contrary, crosses the floor toward the biggest sword there. And he’s halfway when a clock rings out. Not good. I hurriedly stand in front of Jude and extend my cloak, covering both of us, as I feel something fly toward us, hitting my cloak, and then falling to the ground. The whole time Jude stares at me, between amazement and scare. I see her touching my clothes, almost not believing it was me. Before it all ends, we both stare at each other, almost like we were in our own little world, none believing who was protected and who was the protector this time. 

“Thieves, Thieves!” A bird. Followed by screams.

I look around and found the Roach on the floor. Kneeling. Fuck. Definitely not good. I run to him and search for a pulse. It’s weak.  
Could this all be a plan? Could this all be her plan? Have I fallen into her trap? And, and… my friend could die because of it? I look at her. Please, no- 

“What was he hit with?!” I ask her.  
“Deathsweet,” she answers. “The Bomb can help him. She can make an antidote.”  
“Tell me this wasn’t your plan. Tell me,” I plead.  
“No. Of course not. I swear it.”

She looks worried.

“Come then. My pocket is full of ragwort. We can fly”

I must get her out of this. And The Roach. I lift him in my arms. She denies it with her head.

“Jude.”

Not now. Not this shit now!

“Vivi and Taryn are still waiting for me. They won’t know what’s happened. If I don’t go to them, they’ll be caught,” she answers.

Shit. She’s right. I try and untie my cloak, and offer it to her.

“Take this and do not stop,” I order her.

She looks at me as she receives it, again she seems surprised. I have so much to say to her. I want to stay with her. I don’t want to leave her once again, but my friend needs me. And I can’t let him down. Not another one. So, I do what I do best, close my eyes and don’t look back, or else, I won’t be able to leave.  
I hope she’ll return to me. And that she told me the truth. 

We fly through ragworts without delay. The Roach is barely conscious on the way back and in half an hour we arrived. The Bomb is waiting for us, and as soon as she sees us, she runs followed by two or three more fairies of our Court. They take the Roach from me, and in complete silence, we ran to our new headquarters. The Bomb is clearly distressed. She barely spares me a glance, before returning to his partner. I can hear him breathing with difficulty. This is serious.

“How did this happen? Was it a trap?” she asks, as soon as the Roach is put on a bed.  
“We needed to steal something from Grimsen”  
“Grimsen? What about Jude?”  
“She was the one with the idea,” I reply.  
“She did this?” The Bomb was really mad.  
“No. She found The Ghost. Apparently, he didn’t just betray us… and she told us about Madoc’s plan and a new sword. We were looking for that when some darts appear our way.”

I needed to redeemed Jude. She didn’t do it. She didn’t. The Bomb didn’t look so convinced though.

“The Ghost?” she asks.  
“Yes, he’s alive, it seems.”  
“What was in the darts?” she was mixing something on a bowl.  
“Jude said deathsweet”  
“Shit,” she whispers and starts sweating even more.  
“Will he be okay?” I ask, fearing the answer.

She doesn’t reply. I sat on one of the chairs, while I watch her work. I can’t help wondering what Jude is up to. I hope she’s okay too. What a mess.

\-------------------------------------------------


	17. Chapter 16 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Jude returns, but not how Cardan expects.

Chapter 16

I spend most of the morning, waiting for news, but none came. No sign of Jude nor her sisters. The Bomb hasn’t been able to cure the Roach. I spend most of the night next to him, and the only thing he did was moaning and blabbering, but he wasn’t there. It was like he was suffering outside his body. I try reaching out to him, to extend my magic to him, but It didn’t work. Not like with Jude. I couldn’t reach anything, I couldn’t feel anything. I was powerless and helpless as I watch him. The Bomb went in and out of the room, with new formulas, new potions, but nothing helped and even I could hear her crying in the next room: impotence. Finally, I decided to give her some privacy and left through another door. I walked alone to the hall and could find my people dancing, something to celebrate, always, but I was not in the mood. Some of my guards made a bow as they watch me come near, but I didn’t stop. 

I close the door to my room and sat in my bed. What good am I if I can’t cure my friend? I f I can’t save my wife? If I can’t stop my former general? What good am I if I can’t do anything as a King to help the people I care about? And I can’t control my powers, I thought I can, but they’re still as fickle as ever. And what will happen when Jude returns? What if she doesn’t want me? But she did return for me, although she says it was for Taryn, ultimately, she returned for me. She wanted revenge… but she says she didn’t plan to kill me there, but what if she did? What if she tries again? Would I ever get peace next to her? Do I even want peace? All that I know is that I like being next to her, I like her attitude, I like how she is, her confidence. I’m certain she likes me, she likes my face, but I know sometimes she hates my character. I know she hates that I’m not trustful, but how can I be if I’m a fairy? And a King for all that matters? I’m supposed to be witty and smart and resourceful. She always wanted to play games, to defy one another, when I said what I said I thought she’d appreciate how smart I was being, but it becomes the opposite. What is the limit between her and me and our games? 

I resumed my activities when the afternoon arrived, after not being able to stand waiting another minute for news about Jude. I was attending some matters between peasants when I see some boy approaching one of the guards. Since I still had no seneschal I had to try and pay attention to what they talked about, but I got bored. Who even decides who gets to attend before me? do someone even clears which matters I have to rule? Or everyone just comes and stands before their King and talk about their problems? So naturally, when something different happens, like a boy with a lute approaching one of my guards, I pay attention. They start arguing, and soon the boy ends up on the floor.

“What’s going on there?” I ask one of the guards closer to me.  
“Oh, someone must need an audience, your majesty,” he answers.  
“And why are they fighting?” I ask.  
“Do you want me to find out?”  
“I do,” I answer.

The guard walked slowly to where the argument was happening, and soon everyone calmed down. He returned later with a paper in his hands.

“My King, the musician said he needed to deliver this to Lord Baphen”  
“A paper?” I ask as I extend my hand, “why to Baphen?”

I look at him, he’s in deep conversation with Nihuar, so he won’t mind if I open it. I smile. I loved secrets.

_Expect and assassination attempt, most likely in the great hall. Keep the High King in seclusion._

What the actual fuck?!  
I turn around and look at the guard, he’s not looking and seems unaware of what he carried. Then I turn to see the council, nobody is paying attention to me the matter at hand is most entertaining. Who sends this? And why to Baphen? 

“Go and look for the fairy with the lute, I need to talk to him,” I say, looking at the guard again.  
“My lord?” he asks, confused, “But how…”  
“You heard me. Run.”

And as I speak, he changes his demeanor and knows this is serious. He moves fast, approaches the other guard, and both disappear after a few minutes. I remain at my place, but not hearing anything else. Could this have been Jude? Could it be true? Will I be murdered? Or is this another trap? I look around, there are so many fairies in here, it’s impossible to know who could be a traitor. And without the Roach and The Bomb, I’m alone. Not even all my guards resemble the security I feel when the court of shadows is around. Soon the guard returns. Alone. 

“My king,” he says as approaching.

Some folks noticed me talking to him. I smile, trying to pretend nothing is happening.

“Where is he?” I whisper.  
“He’s at the gate,” he replies.  
“Bring him to one of the rooms at the west wing. I need to talk to him, in private.”

I stand up and yawn, dramatically. It’s time to leave.

“Well, that has been fun… but it has been enough for me. Please do go on, though” I say to the audience, giving them one of my classic smiles, and retiring slowly, under their judgmental looks. And as soon as I am out of sight, I walk straight ahead to the room where the fairy with the lire is waiting.

“My king!” he stands up immediately, surprised.  
“Hello, hello, yes, it is I, yadda, yadda, yadda… Now, who gave this to you?” I ask, showing him the paper.  
“Your majesty…” he looks around, uncomfortable.  
“You are not in any trouble…” he looks uncertain, “in fact, you will be if you don’t tell me,” I pronounce.  
“I didn’t read the note if that’s what you’re worried,” he answers.

He read it. Of course. I roll my eyes.

“I’m not, I just want to know who gave it to you,” I reply.  
“I didn’t catch her name, it a was a human girl,” he replies.

I stand a few seconds just looking at him. Could this be it? What I’ve been waiting for the whole day?

“A human? Was it perhaps my seneschal?” I ask.  
“Yes! I knew I had seen her before!” he exclaimed, smiling.  
“Right, you’ve been most helpful,” and I leave the room, followed by the guard.

Jude was alive.  
Finally, something good. But why didn’t she come to me? Why is she hiding? Surely, something will happen. I must be ready. I give the letter to the guard.

“Give it to Baphen,” I pronounce.  
“My lord,” he nods, and leaves, followed by the fairy with the lire.

If the plan was to frighten me with this letter, they better keep on believing everything is going accordingly. If the plan was to warn me, consider me warn. But I will not hide. I walk to the court of shadows fast, to give them the news. I’ll need them there to be my eyes and ears.

\-------------------------------------

As I’m looking in the mirror I put on my earring on the left ear, apply the kohl under my eyes, and fix the crown, somewhere to the side. I want to look good, I want to look like the King that I am. I know Jude likes my eyes, and she seems especially attracted when I look more mysterious. I finish with a black velvet jacket and a smile. This time Jude will hear me out. My guards are waiting for me outside my bedroom, and we walk through the corridor to look for mother, who comes out followed by Baphen. They both bow as they see me, and walk behind me to the main hall. As we approach the doors, I move aside and let my mother go in first.

“Such a gentleman,” she says laughing and enters with Baphen to her side.

The Bomb and the rest of the Court of shadows are hidden pass these doors, waiting for my attacker, while The Roach keeps fighting whatever captured him in a dream. Today I must prove to everyone I can defend myself, that I can be useful. I take one last breath and enter the hall, which is, of course, bursting with people, some already dancing, while others chatting and eating. I look around the place and find nothing at odd, but still, I can’t trust anything. I sit at my place and wait. One fairy comes to play for me with his flute, and as I’m watching, I see Randalin signaling me something. He comes closer.

“My Lord, have you seen this?” he asks, frightened  
“What is that?” I ask. I fear is the same note I read.  
“It relates to a possible attack against you. You must go! I’ll advise the guards and…” he lifts and starts walking.  
“You will do no such thing!” I interrupt, effectively stopping him. “I know about that paper, and I don’t care.”  
“You don’t…?” he repeats, turning to look at me, almost like I’m a lunatic. “My Lord, do you not remember your brothers?”  
“I do,” and as I say that, I turn to look at the Bomb, who instead is looking at the roof. I try looking up but I don’t see much.  
“My king, please, there’s not much choice if you die…”  
“Shut up!” I say, and some laugh. “Stop boring me and go somewhere else!”  
More laughs.

At that moment, I see the Bomb pulling her bow and arrow. Who is she shooting at? She knows Jude is out of the question. Maybe Madoc or the ghost. I look around. Some folks have barely noticed her presence.  
And suddenly, she shoots.  
That’s when time seems to slow down, I look up again and this time I see something falling. Something red with white, and curls. A girl. I stand up, felling how my heart is dropping. Feeling freeze in time. Feeling impotent. It’s Jude. My worst fear. My worst nightmare. And it’s like my voice has disappeared. I can’t scream, though I want to. I see her falling with nothing to stop her. And she seems to be bleeding. The red in the dress is blood. I’m certain. She is pale, almost like she’s… dead. Screams begin. Fairies pointing at her, and people moving out of the way, scared. She ends up crashing against one of the banquet tables.  
The room is full of oohs and ahhs.  
Finally, I can see her opening her eyes, and my breath returns. And I can move again. I move fast. I need to know if she’s breathing. Fairies move aside, letting me pass, while I see guards surrounding her.

“Jude Duarte”  
“Broken her exile to murder the High King!”  
“Murderer”  
“Killer of fairies”  
“Filthy human”  
“She’s bleeding!”

I stop short of a meter and see her. My breath is out. She’s surrounded by guards. Laying in the ground in a puddle of blood. Her eyes are closed. She has bruises in her face, and her hands are bloodied. She is almost dead. She is dying. I’ve lost her.

“Your majesty, give the order!” says Randalin, somewhere over the crowd.

No. I won’t lose her. Not again. I can’t.

As I walk, the guards form a path letting me go through. She somehow knows and opens up her eyes.

“I lost your cloak,” she says, her voice rusty and almost out of breath.

Why didn’t she call me? why didn’t I stay with her? Why did I leave her? Why did she have to go and save her sisters? Why did she hide in the roof? Why didn’t she come to me? She promised! She promised she would be alright! If she dies, if she dies…

“You are a liar. A dirty, mortal, liar,” I pronounce, trying to control my tears. Trying to collect my anger, my pain, my fear of losing her. 

She closes her eyes as soon as she hears me.

“Clap her in chains!” Randalin exclaims. 

A guard takes her languid arm.

“Do not touch her,” and I feel my magic surrounding me. 

The guard who took her flies to the other side of the room and the guards near us are swept away at least two meters off. 

“Whatever can you mean? She’s-“  
“She is my wife. The rightful High Queen of Elfhame. And most definitely not in exile.”

A roar follows. Again, surprise. Ohs and ahs.  
I kneel next to her and touch her face. She isn’t responding. 

“Jude, Jude,” I whisper, trying to wake her up. She doesn’t respond. I look around, fairies are just staring, doing nothing. My desperation gets the better of me, and almost trembling, I start giving commands.

“Call a medic, bring The Bomb to my room, call someone!! But NOW!” I scream to the guards, to Randalin, to anyone who can hear me, as I lift Jude from the puddle of blood, and carry her to our room. 

Fairies let me pass, just a few remain staring, one, of course, being my mother, almost surprise seeing me carry her. The others are running away from me and the palace. The guards open the doors while I walk fast. I can hear her breathing but is weak. What the hell happened to her? There’s no arrow in her. The wound is not from now. And what was she doing in the roof? I put her in bed and starts untying her dress.

“My Lord.” Randalin is here.  
“Go and send for some water, candles. I need this room warm. And I need the Bomb” I pronounce, not stopping in my work. I need to find the wound. 

He disappears soon after. I remove the clothes until I see a wound open, where blood is bursting. Stitches open, as if someone sews her, but it’s open up. Its edges are clean, like a knife or a sword.

“What happened, Jude?” I ask, desperately. 

I apply pressure on the wound so it would stop bleeding, like I used to do with my wounds, and wait for someone to come. She starts howling, and her hands try to push me away, but she’s too weak to make it.

“Jude, it’s me, Cardan,” I beg.

She doesn’t open her eyes. 

“Please”

I won’t lose her.

The Bomb comes running through the door, followed by three fairies. As soon as they see me, they come to bed.

“What is going on?” she asks. “I didn’t hit her. I just wanted to frighten her.”  
“She has an old wound, there are some stitches. She is bleeding a lot,” I say.  
“An old wound bleeding? Then it mustn’t be too old. Let me look,” she says. And she moves my hand and looks. The blood keeps coming out.

“It’s the liver. If she keeps this going, she’ll die. I need to stitch her.”  
“Yes. Whatever you say, just save her.”

I can hear the desperation in my voice. She looks at me, nods.

“Is she awake?” she asks.  
“No, she barely recognized me at the Hall,” I reply.  
“Good. So, we won’t have to drug her. We need water, and prepare the herbs.” She commands the other fairies, who start working with some plants. One starts lightning candles and the chimney, and the other brings out a cloth. 

“Your majesty, I need you to hold her still,” she says while holding a needle and a thread.

“Yes,” I reply.

There was never a time where I believe I would end up holding Jude Duarte for her to get sewed on. And here I was. Holding her. The bomb passed the needle fast and confident. She sewed something inside, that stopped the bleeding. And then started sewing the wound outside enough for it to close.

“I need the wound to be able to drain,” she says, more to herself than me. “Bring me the herbs.”

The other fairy approach with herbs and cloth. The Bomb starts putting it on the wound. That’s when Jude decides to wake up.

“No,” she moans, moving.

I hold her shoulders and watch her face. She seems in pain.

“Hold her, I need to do this,” she commands.

“Please,” Jude moans again. Her eyes remain closed. 

“Is she awake?” The Bomb asks.  
“No, she’s just in pain,” I answer.  
“Then we’ll have to drug her. She needs to stay quiet, so the wound can close itself clean.”

I look at her. For something so small, she’s determined.

“The gold liquor,” she says again.  
“Send for it,” I murmur, looking at Jude. She’s sweating.

The bomb gets up and disappears. I don’t know for how long. I just remain close to Jude, seeing her breathing, slowly. I take some hair out of her face, she has bruises on her right cheek and a split lip. She was in a fight. And it almost looked like she lost. But then, how is she alive? Madoc? I caress her arms, slowly. They also have cuts and bruises. Almost like a cat. Did she climb a wall or something? Even her nails have blood underneath them.

“My wife,” I murmur.

The Bomb comes in right that second.

“My king, her sisters are outside. They want to know how she is.”  
“Soon.”  
“Alright,” she replies.

She takes the liquor and pours it in a cup.

“Gives this to her, only half a cup, no more than once per 8 hours, or she will die in her sleep. Remember she’s human.”  
“Right.”  
“Let’s give it to her. Sit her up, so she doesn’t choke,” she says, holding her shoulder.  
“Right.” 

I cross my arm through Jude’s waist and hold her up. The Bomb puts the cup into her mouth and push.

“Jude, I need you to drink,” she says in a soothing voice.

She doesn’t even open her mouth.

“I don’t have another way to push it,” she says, looking at me. “And she needs to have the rest of the herbs put into that wound.”  
“I’ll give it to her,” I say, and moving some cushions, I get her to remain sitting, while I get in front of her.  
“What are you planning to do?” 

I don’t know.

I look at her mouth, her eyes, the expression of suffering in her face, and as I caress her face with my hands I touch her lips with mine, slowly, timidly, and hope for the best. I don’t know if this could work, but I have hope. She has always reacted to my kisses. And I need this. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I need to feel her next to me, as closely as I can. And almost like a dream, after a few seconds, she kisses me back. I can feel her lips kissing me softly. I move back and look at her, surprised. She’s still here! Maybe dreaming but she still responds to me. I take the cup and drink a sip, without swallowing the liquid. Then I put my mouth closer to her and taste one of her lips. Again, she responds. I kiss her lower lip, and this time, as I feel her responding, I offer the liquid with my tongue, and as she caresses my tongue, I feel her swallowing. She moans after it. I smile timidly. I know the Bomb is watching. 

“How much is left of the herbs?” I ask, looking at the fairy.

She has her head down, giving us some privacy. 

“Not much, my King.”  
“Then go on, proceed. I will try and give some more liquor. Just end that fast.”

And as I feel The Bomb working on Jude, I take her head with one of my hands and start kissing her neck, while caressing her back with the other. She seems to react to my lips, and I can feel her body relaxing, merely feeling what I give her, instead of the Bomb’s.

“All done,” The Bombs says, suddenly.  
“Did you put the bandage?” I ask, against Jude’s neck.  
“Yes, thank you, My king”.

I look at Jude’s stomach and see the bandage. 

“Thank you,” I reply.  
“I will come later to clean the wound, but she should rest. We should leave some water for her when she wakes up. She has lost a lot of blood.”  
“Yes.”

She makes a bow and leaves us. She’ll probably go to The Roach. I smile bitterly, understanding all too well how it is to have your loved one be injured and having nothing else to do but stare. 

“You should sleep,” I whisper. 

Jude looks so helpless and innocent. I smile. Such a deceiver. I kiss her one more time, before putting her to bed. Then I arrange the fire and get some water close by and just wait for her to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I believe I'm going to update faster from now on. And I still don't know what to do with the snake... anyway, ideas?  
> Also, their first time (again) is coming!!!


	18. chapter 17 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan learns a lot of things while Jude still recovers.

She sleeps for a long time, while I watch over her. I don’t allow anyone to come into the room, given that at this moment I don’t know who to trust, and The Bomb is busy, so I end up doing everything: washing her face and hands, keeping her injuries clean, and watching over her. And is in one of those moments, as I’m sitting next to her, singing a silly song, I noticed her breathing had become more superficial. I turn around and found her looking at me. I smile.

“Jude,” I whisper. She smiles back, lazily.

“Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?” I ask.

She doesn’t answer. Something in her face changes, and instead, tries to move unsuccessfully. Moaning.

“It hurts,” she says.  
“You are injured,” I answer, taking the cup with the liquor. “Here, drink this.”

She denies it with her head. 

“Jude, you need to, or else you’ll be hurting all night,” I reply.  
“Why are you here?” she asks, her voice hoarse, looking at me.  
“Why?” I repeat, not understanding at first. But then… of course, she must believe we are at her human home.   
“You exiled me,” she says pitifully.   
“My beautiful queen,” I whisper, caressing her face. She closes her eyes while I touch her, and I can see a tear going down her cheek. It hurts. “You have always been my queen.”

She opens her eyes and I can see hope. I smile again.

“You left me,” she sighs and turns her head, starts crying and whimpering. She is hurting.   
“Jude,” I whisper.

God, I wish I could glamour her. But maybe…? I take her face, she looks surprised at first, but then she starts fighting.

“Jude!” I scream. She stops moving.   
“My body hurts,” she replies.  
“I know. Let me make it better,” I whisper, I take the cup and drink some liquor. She looks into my eyes, then my mouth, and then my eyes again. Almost not believing.  
“I am here,” I pronounce, and close the distance between us. I kiss her sweetly, slowly, until she opens her mouth and I give her the liquor. She stops for a minute, before accepting, and drinking it. Immediately I can feel her body reacting. Luckily, this thing acts fast. She stops resisting, and falls to the bed, letting me kiss her, and I almost get too carried away, crushing her body.

“Cardan,” she whispers the moment I move.  
“I’m not leaving, Jude,” I say, taking her hand. “I promise. I’ll stay by your side, forever.”  
“Liar,” she whispers and falls asleep again. 

I sigh. It seems I won’t be able to forget what I did to her. Nor she. Nor get her forgiveness.  
I finish cleaning her hands and then I walk to the chimney to fix the fire. It’s getting cold for her. I sit at the couch, looking directly to the bed and close my eyes.   
I sleep for maybe five hours, before having to get up. The council called me, surely to discuss my marriage. I get dressed and leave, not before kissing Jude softly. She just sighs, and then sleeps again.   
Will she remember our kisses when she wakes up? I smile. Maybe it’s better this way. 

As I arrive at the council, of course, I’m pestered with questions.

“How?”  
“Why?”  
“When?”  
“Her?!”  
“Why did you exile her?”

My mother stands next to the door, waiting. I turn around.

“She is not supposed to be here,” someone says.  
“Baphen let me in,” she replies.  
“Your majesty, is this true?” Randalin asks. “Did you marry a mortal? And… her?”

I look at him. I’m tired of his superiority and arrogance.

“I did, do you have a problem with that?” I reply.

Silence.

“Why do you care why I did it?” I ask, now looking at Lady Asha.  
“Who attacked her?” Yorn asks.

Finally, an important question.

“She was kidnapped by her father. She must have fought with him.”  
“Madoc?” he asks, “he tried to kill his daughter?”  
“It’s not his daughter,” my mother says, at the same time that Randalin says “it’s a human.”  
“Her sisters have been asking for you,” Yorn speaks again. “They are waiting in the East Hall. There’s another human with them.”  
“Right,” I say, and leave the room, not stopping under the thousand questions thrown at me. 

The guards take me to the room where Vivi, Taryn, and Oak wait, next to the human we saw before at her house.

“Cardan!” Vivi and Taryn exclaim, approaching me. “How is Jude? Is she okay?”  
“She’s good, she’s healing. What happened, Vivi?” I ask.  
“Madoc killed her,” Taryn interrupts, “but somehow the soil healed her, just like it would with one of you,” she replies.

I look at her and try to find the joke. I don’t.

“Cardan,” Vivi says, nodding, “It’s true.”  
“What are you saying? Killed then healed?” I ask, confused, looking at both of them.  
“It’s true, Cardan. Madoc wound her. Fatally. We couldn’t stop him, and he didn’t have any mercy. He buried his sword into her belly, and we saw the blood in the snow. She fell to the ground… that’s when something strange began to happen. She started to heal herself, and where her blood dropped, flowers grew,” Taryn answers. 

“What? You mean… like me?”   
“Exactly,” she replies.  
“But she was wounded here,” Vivi said, pointing at her belly.  
“She came before to warn you. Surely, she must have moved too much. I have just stitched her, but she’s stubborn. She decided she needed to come here to warn you. The Ghost is still wandering the place, maybe he was the one who wounded her again?” Taryn says.   
“The ghost? She didn’t save him?” I ask.  
“No, he was sent here to kill you, or so Madoc said,” Vivi replies. “So, Jude came running. To save you.”

Jude came here to save me? And she almost died in the process.

“You stitched her?” I ask Taryn. “How?”  
“Yes, with a needle, almost like a dress,” she answers.

I feel lightheaded as I imagine both of them. 

“Grima Mog is here too. She saw everything. She wants to fight Madoc,” Vivi says.  
“Grima Mog?” I say.  
“Yes!” Vivi and Taryn answered together.  
“King Cardan, can I see my sister?” Oaks suddenly asks, interrupting.

I look at him. He seems taller. 

“She’s resting. We gave her something to keep her sleeping so she can heal. But you can wait for her. When she wakes up, she’ll come,” I answer.  
“Will you punish her?” He asks. 

Punish her? What an odd question.

“Why?” I ask, smiling.  
“Because she was supposed to be in exile. She said you tricked her.”  
“That…” My smile disappears. I stop talking and look at them, one by one. Maybe it’s not smart to tell them that I tricked Jude. I’m at a disadvantage. “She isn’t.”  
“Is she your wife?” Vivi asks.   
“Is she a queen?” Taryn asks.  
“She asked me to take care of this,” Oak says, bringing out a ring. 

It was the ring I stole from her and then return with our vows. She took care of it. I try to take it but he moves away fast. 

“It’s not yours. She told me to guard it. So, I will,” Oak replies. Both Vivi and Taryn gasp loudly.

I am tempted to punish him. How dare he? But he is fulfilling what his sister told him to. I can’t punish him for that.

“She is my wife and queen,” I pronounce, looking at him. Giving excuses to a boy. Maybe he’ll be a great king one day. Vivi and Taryn gasp again.

“If she’ll have me… again,” I whisper. Oak nods. 

“We should have dinner and discuss while you are here,” I say, smiling, back to my old self again, turning to look at both sisters.  
“Dine with the King?” Taryn asks.  
“Yes, well… I think we should be civil, after all, we are family now,” and I smile and start to leave. “I’ll be waiting for you tonight.”  
Everyone just stares and watches me leave.

After that I go to my room to check on Jude, only to find The Bomb cleaning her wound.

“Has she woken up?” she asks me.  
“She has, but somewhat incoherent,” I reply, “I talked to Vivi and Taryn. They said Jude was injured by Madoc. That he stabbed her, and she bled a lot… but then somehow magic saved her.” The Bombs stops what she’s doing and looks at me. “Flowers bloomed with her blood. Taryn says she stitched her.”  
“Flowers bloomed?” She repeated. “Jude?”  
“Yes.” I nod.

She doesn’t speak again and resumes her tasks. She must be thinking about The Roach. I leave her be, feeling frustrated with my magic, and depart to my throne. 

Again, I have hearings to command. Between all of this, a message arrives. It’s from Madoc. He believes Jude has died and warns me he sent soldiers to the low Courts with promises about a new regime. 

“He’s coming here,” I say to the council. “And he wants to build a new empire.”  
“How? He doesn’t have a crown,” Randalin asks.   
“Maybe Grimsen made one for him,” I pronounce.

Gasps come from everywhere.

“That can’t be, my King,” Nihuar says.  
“He made a sword to kill me,” I say, looking at her, “why not a crown?”  
“We’ll be waiting for him then,” Yorn says.  
“Yes, we will.”

That evening we began planning a way to stop him.

\---------------------------------------------------

Dinner was served at the grand table, and Taryn and Vivi came. Oak didn’t. I guess he has been listening to Jude’s advice. The Court is a dangerous place for the heirs to the Throne such as himself. Even for me. I smile bitterly at that. My mother decides to join us, making it as awkwardly as possible. Fairies playing the lute and others serving at our table surround us. 

“I believe the last time I dine with humans was with your mother,” Lady Asha says to both Taryn and Vivi. They both stared. I didn’t even know she had met her. But of course, she would find a topic that annoyed someone.

“Where did you meet her, Lady Asha?” ask Taryn, interested. 

She looks at me and then at her, smiling. Of course, she’s pleased.

“At one of the parties of the old King, of course. She came with Madoc. We were old friends if you could say so,” she replies.   
“Oh, mother, you had friends?” I ask, mockingly.

Vivi smiles for only a second, before hiding her face.

“Believe it or not, Cardan, we were friends. She needed guidance, and I could give it to her,” she answers.  
“Was she happy?” Taryn asks again.

Lady Asha stares at her. Probably measuring what to say next.

“As happy as you could be married with a fairy… and Madoc by that matter,” and she looks at me. Was she trying to tell me something? “You know what I mean, don’t you darling?” she asks Taryn.

She doesn’t answer. How could she, when she was accused of murdering her husband? Some would say she pay the price.

“Fairies and humans don’t dwell well. We are fickle little things, while you humans need stability, need promises we can’t make,” she goes on saying.  
“I believe they love our unpredictability, the sense of adventure we give them,” Vivi interrupts.

My mother drinks from her glass before answering.

“Maybe for a while, dear,” she looks at her. “But what happens when she gets older and you stay the same? Will you be the same to her? Will you want her?” she asks.

Vivi stares, then pales. She seems to be in deep thinking. 

“Mother, please,” I say, drinking wine. “We came here to have a good evening.”  
“I am,” she replies.  
“Have you been with a human?” Taryn asks, suddenly.  
“Of course, little human,” she replies.  
“I mean, in a relationship,” Taryn says again.  
“Whatever for? We need not prolong something that has no use.”  
“Then you don’t know what you are saying,” she says, holding her sister’s hand. 

Oh! the human that came with them. I remember how Vivi held her. Almost like a couple. That’s what is happening. She also has feelings for a human.

“Oh, and you do?” my mother asks, smiling. I look at her. She’s really insufferable. “Your mother knew that, that’s why she left Madoc and run with your father. What she didn’t know was that you don’t leave a fairy. The fairy leaves you. Madoc never stopped looking for her. She was doomed the day she decided to leave him. And she doomed you, too.”  
“My mother was brave,” Taryn says, with tears in her eyes.

This was not how I envision this meeting.

“Mother,” I interrupt.  
“Was she now? Or was she scared?” she replies again.

I bang the table.

“Enough. You were all brave,” I pronounce. “You were raised by your parent’s killer, and unbeknownst to me, you survived after all. And you dwell and flourished between us, fairies, and became stronger, decided, smart, and above all, good. You don’t enjoy killing, you don’t enjoy making others suffer. And you have hopes, you want to improve, be better.”

And as I talk, I look at my mother, who has a bitter expression. 

“Unlike us who have everything but we don’t appreciate it. We just want more and more, and we enjoy making others feel bad. Selfish little creatures.” I end up saying.

Taryn has her mouth open, while Vivi stares. The music stopped altogether. Every fairy in the place is watching.

“May I remind you who banished your seneschal?” she replies.  
“That wasn’t…” I start saying, but she interrupts, getting up.   
“Well, it has been a lovely evening, but I must bid farewell,” Lady Asha says, smiling. “Until we meet again,” she looks at me. “Son, a pleasure, as always.” She makes a bow, and after a few minutes, she disappears. 

“Cardan…” Vivi says, looking at me with pity.  
“I apologize for my mother,” I interrupt, embarrassed.  
“It’s alright,” she says, “Though, how do you stand her?”  
“Oh, I don’t. I barely see her. She recently moved here, and has everyone treating her like the queen when actually she was incarcerated.”  
“Why?” Taryn asks.  
“Well, my father didn’t like her,” I reply.

Mood breaker.

“Parents, right?” says Vivi lifting her glass, making a toast.

I smile.

“Right,” I say, and join.  
“Yes,” Taryn joins.

We make a toast and the music begins again. Everything becomes cheerful after that.

“Oh, you have to bring me the ice maker, next time,” I say, smiling. “I love that machine.”  
“You mean a refrigerator?” Taryn asks, incredulous.  
“Yeah, he means that,” says Vivi laughing. “Cardan, they are enormous, why don’t you just use magic?”  
“But why? If you have one of those. Imagine all the things I could do,” I reply.  
“You do need electricity, though,” says Taryn, laughing.  
“Electricity?” I ask.  
“The thing that makes the machine works?” Vivi answers, rolling her eyes.  
“Oh.”   
“Yeah, and that need cables and towers, and many things,” she goes on.  
“Towers?” I ask.  
“Means to an end,” Taryn replies.  
“Why does everything have to be so complicated?” 

They both laugh.

“And where is Heather?” 

I surprise both of them with my question.

“Oh, she’s at the library. Hope you don’t mind. She wanted to learn about us.” Vivi answers.  
“Not at all. Is she your partner?”   
“She is afraid,” she answers. 

I look at her, she is struggling with words. Why does she seem so confused?

“She is my partner, but the last time she was here someone made an enchantment and she got scared. So now I don’t know what we are.”

And my mother’s words didn’t help.

“She loves you,” Taryn says, touching her hand.  
“I know,” Vivi says, sighing.   
“And Oak? Is he doing alright? Why didn’t he come to dinner?” I ask.  
“He knows this place is dangerous for him,” Vivi says.  
“He’s fine. He uses glamour all the time, though,” Taryn says, laughing. “All the kids at school don’t understand how he always wins at everything and every fight. Jude’s the one who usually put him in his place, and watches over him, but…” she stops talking and looks at me. “She hasn’t been around.”   
“Jude? I can imagine,” I say, sighing. “She does that with me as well.”  
“Do you love her?” Vivi asks after a few seconds.  
“Vivi!” Taryn exclaims, “That is private!”  
“It is our sister,” she replies.  
“Nonetheless,” Taryn argues. 

I laugh. They do care about her.

“I want to talk about all that with your sister,” I finally say.

They both stared.

“You use to hate us,” Taryn says, “What changed? I remember you even try to drown us.”

I blush after that. Yeah, I can be very stupid. I hide my face for the second time, while Taryn tells Vivi the whole story.

“She didn’t drown for fuck sake!” I reply soon after.  
“But you tried!” Vivi exclaim, “How could you?”  
“It was all Valerian and Nicasia’s fault,” I reply.  
“Oh no, I saw you. You were commanding everything. I still don’t know how she trusted you,” Taryn said.   
“I almost threw myself to the river to save her!” I pronounce. “And when she ate the apple, I saved her from getting naked in front of all of us. I saved her from embarrassing herself in front of everyone!”  
“What apple?” Vivi ask.  
“Naked?” Taryn as well.  
“Damn it!” I scream, “Nicasia and Valerian gave her an apple, and she was compelled.”  
“You, what?!” Vivi asks again.  
“And I pinch her so she could remember.”   
“You pinch her?” Taryn repeats.   
“It isn’t… is not like that,” I deny with my hands.  
“I still don’t get it,” Vivi says. “She was scared of you. I bet she still is.”

The silence becomes deafening.

“Look, I don’t know how it all began,” I reply. “Somewhere between the war we were having, I fell for her. Maybe it was when she attacked me with a knife while being tied to a chair…” and I laugh, remembering our first kiss, thinking that would lighten the mood, but both Taryn and Vivi look horrified.

“Tied you?” Vivi asks.  
“Attacked you with a knife?” Taryn repeats.

Oh, no. When did dinners become so stressful?

“My king?” someone comes into the hall. One of the guards. “Jude Duarte has woken up and went to her old rooms.”

Jude. Finally. This means this conversation is over. Phew. I sigh.

“Jude!” Taryn gets up. “I need to talk to her,” and she rises fast and leaves.

Vivi watches her, then me.

“Do you think your mother was right?” she asks, suddenly. “About humans, I mean?”

She definitely got to her.

“I’ve had to watch Jude almost die twice, maybe three times, and by my doing one of them. You can’t imagine the suffering one feels...” I relive those moments in my mind. “I can’t imagine not living in a world where she doesn’t exist. I don’t think my feelings will change with time. They haven’t in all this time, and if they did, they’ve gotten even deeper.”

Vivi smiles after hearing me.

“Thank you,” she says and gets up, leaving the room.

I stay until I finish my food and drink, giving the girls some private time to talk. I’ve been waiting for my meeting with Jude for so long, and now, it’s finally happening. I’m really afraid but I can’t delay it any longer.   
I get up, and my guards follow.  
It’s time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert! 
> 
> “Walk with me”  
> “Of course”
> 
> I'm excited! And with all your ideas, I hope to deliver the end of this story right.   
> I love hearing your thoughts and comments!


	19. chapter 18 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan and Jude talk finally.

Chapter 18

As I walk through the corridor I can feel my heart speeding. I’m actually nervous. 

“Is she there?” I ask one of my guards.  
“She is with her sisters, my King,” they respond. 

I inhale and knock. It has been sufficient time for the family meeting. Now it’s mine.  
Oak opens the door.

“Yes?” he says, smiling.

I look at him, a bit confused, then into the room where Jude is standing with Taryn and Vivi in front of her, holding her hands. She looks at me and I can feel my body responding with that one look. I’m excited and nervous. Obviously, I smile.

“Walk with me,” I say, trying to make my voice as steady as I can.  
“Of course,” she replies, not even second-guessing. She just obeys, and at least that gives me a reason to hope we can surpass all this mess.  
“You’re not well enough,” Vivi says suddenly, stopping her.

I can immediately feel my magic rising. I don’t believe I can handle any more delays.

“The living council is eager to speak with her,” I pronounce, trying to reign my face and emotions.

Vivi looks at me then at Jude.

“No doubt. And Vivi should be happy, because the only danger anyone has ever been in at a Council meeting is of being bored to death,” and she manages to release herself and walk to me. But now Oak doesn’t move from the door. I stare at him, he stares back. Luckily, Jude just moves around him. What the hell is wrong with this family? We already talked, what else do they want?! I promise no harm done. I’m slightly offended, but I overcome all of this when she takes my arm and I can feel her warmth through our garments. It’s like I can breathe easily now. My heart though is almost at its peak. We are side to side. As we walk, I continuously look at her to know I’m not dreaming.

“Is the Roach okay?” she asks.  
“The Bomb has not yet discovered how to wake him. But there is hope that she yet will,” I reply.

She becomes quiet. I’m unease with silence. I have so much to say, but I don’t even seem to know where and how to start. I look at her and blurt the first thing I think.

“Your father sent a message. It was very unfriendly. He seems to blame me for the death of his daughter.”  
“Ah,” she says.  
“And he has sent soldiers to the low Courts with promises of a new regime. He urges them to not hesitate, but to come to Elfhame and hear his challenge to the crown. The living council waits to hear all you know about the swords and his maps. They found my descriptions of the camp to be sadly inadequate.” 

Wow. I’m babbling. Cardan, please, get a grip.  
She looks at me.

“They can wait a little longer. I need to talk to you,” she says.

Suddenly, it’s difficult to swallow. 

“It won’t take long.”

Her demeanor has changed. I know where this is heading. It has finally arrived. The moment to face the truth. She stops walking and releases her hand from my arm. I miss it already.

“Whatever your scheme is, whatever you are planning to hold over me, you might as well tell me now, before we’re in front of the whole Council. Make your threats. Do your worst”

My worst? My worst was banishing her. And my undoing.

“Yes, we do need to talk,” and I lead her down a corridor to my rose garden. If there’s one place where we can talk privately is where all my sorrow and yearn for her has manifested.  
As soon as she enters, her face resemblance amazement, surprise, and maybe a bit of fright. Black roses are uncommon. Even in my land.  
I inhale slowly.

“I assume you weren’t actually trying to shoot me,” Cardan says. “Since the note was in your handwriting.”

She looks thoroughly into my eyes, almost as if she was trying to read my mind.

“Madoc sent the Ghost. I thought that there was going to be an attempt on your life,” she answers.

That’s what Taryn told me. So, she does care for me. That’s a relief. I can see she is as nervous as I am, her pupils are dilated, a bit pale, and her breathing is faster. She looks better though than when she fell. I have to suppress the urge to caress her face as that memory hits me.

“It was terrifying,” I say, turning around, touching one of the petals of my black roses instead. It is strange. It’s almost like I’m compelled to tell her everything. “Watching you fall. I mean, you’re generally terrifying, but I am unused to fear for you. And then I was furious. I am not sure I have ever been that angry before.”  
“Mortals are fragile,” she says, almost to herself.  
“Not you. You never break,” I respond.

I can remember every time I wish for her to yield, to break, because of me. Now, I regret it.  
I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I can’t. I know I must. I know you deserve it, but it’s almost like my brain doesn’t allow it. I can’t speak it, but I feel it. I know it. Why can’t I say it? 

“When I came here, pretending to be Taryn, you said you’d sent me messages. You seemed surprised I hadn’t gotten any. What was in them?” 

I turn to look at her. If I’m going to say anything then It must be to her face. I look into her eyes.

“Pleading, mostly. Beseeching you to come back. Several indiscreet promises.”

I smile. I can feel myself almost trembling. Is it excitement? Is it fear?  
She closes her eyes.

“Stop playing games. You sent me into exile,” she replies, in a soft voice, almost whimpering.

“Yes. That. I can’t stop thinking about what you said to me before Madoc took you. About it being a trick. You meant marrying you, making you queen, sending you to the mortal world, all of it, didn’t you?”

I’m compelled to come nearer. 

“Of course, it was a trick. Wasn’t that what you said in return?” she says, folding her arms over her chest.

How to explain without getting my ass kicked? 

“But that’s what you do. You trick people. Nicasia, Madoc, Balekin, Orlagh. Me. I thought you’d admire me a little for it, that I could trick you. I thought you’d be angry, of course, but not quite like this”

She stares open-mouthed.

“What?” she asks.

I’m not explaining this very well. It still sounds like I wanted her in exile. Which I did, but not for so long.

“Let me remind you that I didn’t know you’d murdered my brother, the ambassador to the Undersea, until that very morning. My plans were made in haste. And perhaps I was a little annoyed. I thought it would pacify Queen Orlagh, at least until all promises were finalized in the treaty. By the time you guessed the answer, the negotiations would be over. Think of it: I exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world. Until and unless she is pardoned by the crown. Pardoned by the crown. Meaning by the King of Faerie. Or its queen. You could have returned anytime you wanted.”

And as I finish talking, I can see her finally understanding her mistake. And reliving everything from my perspective.  
Her face changes, she starts getting red, her brows creased, her eyes shining, her hands become fist-like. She is going to hit me. I knew it. And I was ready. I deserve it.  
But instead, she takes a step back, turns around, and starts walking away from me.

“Jude?” I whisper. 

Oh. Not again. I’m getting tired of chasing her. I walk faster and finally catches her by the arm. But as I do, she hauls around and gets to see her hand going straight to my face, before feeling the sting of it. She slapped me. And it was worse than I imagined.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I blurt out, surprised. We stare at each other afterward.

My best apology. I’m sorry, Jude. I’m so sorry. I regret everything.  
I’m losing her. Again. I can’t allow that. I need to… feel her. To get her close to me. I grab her hand and lace it with mine. Luckily, she doesn’t resist.  
Her hand, her skin is warm, tender, rough, and fierce.  
What else to say? What can I say?

“No, it’s not that, not exactly. I didn’t think I could hurt you. And I never thought you would be afraid of me.”

She replies after a few seconds.

“And did you like it?”

What a strange question to ask. And what a crucial one. I look away. I’m ashamed to admit that I did. Maybe not the result, but I do like to know she feared me once. That I have the power to hurt her, just as much as she has me.  
She doesn’t even wait for my answer. She knows the kind of monster that I am. She has always known.

“Well, I was hurt, and yes, you scare me. You’ve always scared me. You gave me every reason to fear your capriciousness and your cruelty. I was afraid of you even when you were tied to that chair in the Court of Shadows. I was afraid of you when I had a knife to your throat. And I am scared of you now.”

My cruelty. My capriciousness. Just like my mother.

“You despised me. When you said you wanted me, it felt like the world had turned upside down.” 

And now meets my gaze, and I get chills. She could destroy me. With every word, she’s achieving exactly that.

“But sending me into exile, that made sense. That was an entirely right-side-up Cardan move. And I hated myself for not seeing it coming. And I hate myself for not seeing what you’re going to do to me next.” 

She doesn’t trust me. Maybe never will. She sees me just like everyone else. I’m like my mother, it seems. I close my eyes. It hurts. How can I expect she will let me love her, she will let me be closer to her when she can’t even trust me? when she doesn’t even believe me?  
Maybe she’s right. Maybe she should not trust me. I’m mischievous. I’m evil. Even my fate is doomed with tragedy. Everyone knows it. She should know it too. 

“I can see why you thought what you did. I suppose I am not an easy person to trust. And maybe I ought not to be trusted, but let me say this: I trust you.”

If I could make my words get any more real, I would. I look at her and hope my eyes, my face, can reproduce what I’m trying to say with words. And what I can’t.

“You may recall that I did not want to be the High King. And that you did not consult me before plopping this crown on my head. You may further recollect that Balekin didn’t want me to keep the title and that the Living Council never took a real shine to me.”

“I suppose,” she says.

“There was a prophecy given when I was born. Usually, Baphen is uselessly vague, but in this case, he made it clear that should I rule, I would make a very poor king. The destruction of the crown, the ruination of the throne- a lot of dramatic languages.”

To tell this prophecy, admonishing that I’m tarnished since my very beginning is hard to do, especially to the person I’m trying to maintain as my wife. But I guess my chances are none existing at this point. 

“When you forced me into working for the Court of Shadows, I never thought of the things I could do—frightening people, charming people—as talents, no fewer ones that might be valuable. But you did. You showed me how to use them to be useful. I never minded being a minor villain, but it’s possible I might have grown into something else, a High King as monstrous as Dain. And if I did—if I fulfilled that prophecy—I ought to be stopped. And I believe that you would stop me.”

“Stop you? Sure. If you’re a huge jerk and a threat to Elfhame, I’ll pop your head right off,” she replies.  
“Good,” I answer.

After everything I’ve seen, I believe she would kill me if need be.

“That’s one reason I didn’t want to believe you’d joined up with Madoc. The other is that I want you here by my side, as my queen.”

Is even more nerve-wracking admitting this, than recognizing I’m an ill-fitted king. Will she understand what I’m saying? Will she see it only as being useful?  
I’d like to say so much more, but I can’t.  
This was not how I’d envisioned our meeting. Apparently, I’m still prideful enough to not recognize my mistakes, and coward enough to not tell her how I feel, again. It’s like I’m still tied to that chair, and need the knife to my neck to start confessing.

Frustrated, I start walking out of the garden, into the hall, and to my room, leading her. Surprisingly, she doesn’t even question me.

“But now that you’re High Queen and back in charge, I won’t be doing anything of consequence anyway. If I destroy the crown and ruin the throne, it will only be through neglect.”

I try to lighten the mood. And it works. She laughs, and I thank every god that has ever existed for that.

“So that’s your excuse for not doing any of the work? You must be draped in decadence at all times because if you aren’t kept busy, you might fulfill some half-baked prophecy?” she asks.

“Exactly. Would you like me to inform the Council that you will see them another time? It will be a novelty to have me make your excuses.”  
“No. I’m ready.” And she looks around, apparently surprised. “They’re here?”  
“I believe it was meant to be an ambush. As you know they are very nosy and hate the idea of being kept out of anything important, including royal convalescing.”

As I walk into the room, with Jude by my side, we found the council resting. Fala on the floor, of course.

“Queen seneschal,” Fala says standing up, giving a bow. The others rise as well.  
“No, please. Remain as you are,” Jude says, ashamed. I smile. I love seeing her out of place. But it only lasts a few minutes, and then she starts talking about Madoc’s camp, giving tremendous detail, some which I didn’t even notice. Then, the sword topic begins. 

“A duel? Perhaps he mistakes the High King for someone more bloodthirsty. You, perhaps?” Mikel asks.  
“Well, Jude did get herself tangled up with Grima Mog,” says Randalin. “Leave it to you to spend your exile recruiting infamous butchers.”  
“So did you murder Balekin?” Nihuar asks.  
“Yes. After he poisoned the High King,” Jude answers.  
“Poisoned?” she repeats, looking at me.

Shit. I had forgotten to tell them.

“You can hardly expect me to mention every little thing,” I reply from my chair, smiling  
“Your Majesty, we were led to believe that her exile was justified. And that if you wished to marry, you would consult—” Randalin says.  
“Perhaps at least one of you could have told us—Baphen interrupts.

Oh no. Not this. 

“No, no, enough. It’s all too tedious to explain. I declare this meeting at an end. Leave us. I tire of the lot of you.”

I didn’t want to start hearing offenses against Jude, less when she was getting better. And I liked seeing her happy. Or at least at ease.  
They leave the room after that. And we are alone again. In my room. I look at her. She is also staring at me. Almost like we were just getting acquainted, when suddenly there’s a knock coming from the secret door. The Bomb appears. She jumps to the floor and approaches Jude.

“Long live Jude,” she says with a wink. “No thanks to me.”  
“Good thing you’re a lousy shot” Jude replies.

The Bomb holds something up. A bag of some sort.

“A poultice. To draw any fever from the blood and help the patient heal faster. Unfortunately, it won’t draw the sting from your tongue.” She smiles, as she starts pulling things out when suddenly she looks up. “You should go.”

What? She’s staring at me? is she speaking to me? wait, why? I am the King.

“This is my room. And that’s my wife,” I reply. Sort of joking. Sort not.  
“So you keep telling everyone. But I am going to take out her stitches and I don’t think you want to watch that,” The Bomb answers.  
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he’d like to hear me scream,” Jude says, almost teasingly.

I can feel my body reacting. I would. I have. I will. I smile.  
I must choose my battles, and this one I’ll concede. I get up and walk to where Jude and The Bomb are.

“I would. And perhaps one day I will,” I tease as well.

I would like to kiss her. To caress her. To embrace her. To not leave her. But I can’t. I don’t know why I still can’t say “I’m sorry”. Why my pride commands me above all as well as my cowardice. But I will deal with it.  
Nevertheless, as I pass, I can’t keep my hands to myself, and after one step, I extend my hand and touch her hair, almost holding my breath, feeling the softness, smelling her perfume, and seeing her skin react to my touch. Much too briefly. Maybe not everything is lost.  
I sigh and leave the room afterward.  
Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was hard. I guess when I read this chapter I was so anxious to get a meeting, that I didn't even think how lacking it was in certain aspects. And I just realized Cardan never said "I'm sorry" to Jude. I don't know why I never noticed that. I tried to fill it with what I think explains why their talk didn't get any deeper, or more romantic, or why we didn't get any more physical interaction in it, only a slap... like I guess, as Cardan says in one of the next chapters, the armor hasn't come out yet.   
> I don't know if I did it well, though I tried my best to interpret Cardan's regret, his fears, and really his mindset, I'm still not too sure if he felt regret because he hurt her or because he hurt her for too long ¿?
> 
> I'm desperate to reach *that* chapter, but I'm still too far it seems. Bear with me.
> 
> I'm already writing the next chapter, hope it comes out next week if real life doesn't get in the way.


	20. Chapter 20 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude and Cardan go and meet Taryn at Hollow Hall. Silence, looks, and many things unspoken happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my dog got sick and then work. But I'll try to work faster. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 20

I heard my mother send for Jude, and although at the beginning I’m a bit squeamish about them meeting up and what she could tell Jude, after some deliberation I believe my mother is the one who should be afraid. Oh, to be a fly on that wall. I smile. Maybe that will teach her not to mess with my queen. 

I’m finishing writing a letter when I’m abruptly interrupted. It’s Randalin. He seems agitated. I let him speak.

“My king, princess Nicasia is here. Something has happened with Queen Orlagh!”

As soon as he says it, I stand up and walk out of the room. What did Madoc do this time? We walk hastily to the Throne Room where I’m told she’s waiting. 

“Nicasia” 

I find her crying, covering up her face with her hands. She is a mess. And surrounded by a battalion of sea creatures. It reminded me of the time when Jude was released. I’m on high guard immediately. 

“Cardan, it was terrible. I tried to stop it, I tried pulling it out, but it wouldn’t come out!”  
“What are you talking about?” I say as I come near, and she instantly takes my hands and pulls me to her.  
“Someone shot my mother an inch of her heart, and it won’t come off!” she answers almost at my ear, hugging me, and starts whimpering. If this had happened months ago, I would have appreciated every moment of it, feeling her near, feeling her smell of sunshine and sea, touching her beautiful hair almost like a mermaid, and especially her needing my help instead of Locke’s. Oh, I would have been extremely happy. But now, it was awkward and I felt strangely nervous. Especially knowing that Jude could come in at any minute. I pull apart, but she kept holding my hands.

“An inch of her heart? How?” I ask.  
“We believe it was something like elf-shot,” one of the sea people replied. “We tried removing it, but it resists. Almost like it’s alive”.  
“What?” I ask, confused. Could it be Grimsen’s doing?  
“I need your help avenging us,” she says, looking at me, with her make up all smudged around her face.   
“You believe Madoc is involved, right?” I ask.  
“Jude Duarte hates me. And we did hold her hostage, she must have planned it!” she answers.  
“Nicasia, Jude was almost murdered by Madoc. They aren’t allies. I do not believe it was a plan conceived by Jude… Are you certain Madoc was involved?”   
“Yes! This is Madoc’s doing!” then she takes a step back. “Wait. Jude, almost murdered?” she asks, almost in shock.   
“She came here to warn me and she got injured, almost died. An assassin was sent to murder me as well.”

She whispers something I don’t get to hear, when the doors open up, first comes a guard, followed then by Jude. She stands a few feet away and turns to look at us. I can follow her eyes as she sees our joined hands, then at our faces. I try to decipher some kind of gesture that could help me see how she feels finding us like this, but we get interrupted. 

“This is your father’s doing!” Nicasia screams at her.   
“What?” Jude asks.

I sigh. If only I could read minds. I look at her.

“Queen Orlagh. Apparently, she was struck with something like elf-shot. It burrowed deep into her flesh, but it seems to have stopped short of her heart. When there is an attempt to remove it, it seems to resist magical and nonmagical extraction. It moves as though it’s alive, but there may be some iron in it.”

Jude seems to understand quickly.

“I’m sorry,” she replies.

I always hear her say that. Why would she be sorry for something she didn’t do or play any role at all? 

“You ought to be,” Nicasia answers, then turns back at me, looks at me in the eye, and something must annoy her. She releases me looking upset. “I must go to my mother’s side. The Court of the Undersea is in chaos.”

Why would she be angry at me? I didn’t have anything to do with the attempt to kill her mother.

“We are your allies, Nicasia. Should you need us.” I say, almost afraid.  
“I count on you to avenge my mother if nothing else.” And she turns to leave the room.

Why females are so difficult to understand? So volatile? I look at Jude. She’s staring at the door.

“Now that Orlagh is weak, it’s possible there will be a challenger to her throne,” Randalin interrupts. “The sea is a brutal place.”  
“Did they catch the would-be assassin?” Jude asks, now turning to look at me.  
“I do not believe so. Had they, I am sure they would have told us.”

She looks at Randalin as he finishes speaking, then at me. She’s frowning. What is she thinking? 

“The generals will wish to adjust their plans,” Randalin says now looking at me. “Perhaps we should summon them.”  
“Yes. Yes, I suppose we should,” I reply.

Maybe Jude can give them some clues about how to face Madoc. I look at Randalin, then Jude, leaving the room afterward to get to my strategy room, where probably Yorn is at. Jude and Randalin both follow me behind. I wait for one of my guards to announce me as we reach the room. I feel Jude coming next to me. And maybe for the first time, I’m ready to try something. Dare to dream. I lift my left hand and turn it upside down, next to her, expecting her to take it. Some seconds pass before I feel her hand touching mine, her warmth invading my skin, and her roughness against my soft one. I smile. She comes near. I caress her fingers before the doors are open and I take the first step, with her next to me. All the people inside the room staring at us. I give the proper introductions.

“She’s Jude Duarte, my former seneschal, now wife and Queen. She must be served and obeyed as am I, are we clear?” I ask, smiling, while still holding her hand.

Everyone bows and reply “Yes”. 

She looks at me briefly with a different expression in her face, almost like amazement and awe. I smile timidly as she looks away, letting my hand go, and approaches the table, where she starts telling them about what happened, and the new developments. I sit behind and watch them argue. Just like old times. I can’t believe how many times I’ve been so close to losing her, how I haven’t appreciated these small moments of peace we have, of being just us: Jude, the bossy one, and me, the lazy one. Sharing the same space, the same room, the same air. I smile almost mechanically. They talk about dueling, about fighting, about war, and I can’t help thinking about how I’d like to be with Jude alone. I can’t help remember our kisses, the way her skin feels under my hand, how her breath heightens when we look at each other, how she smells, and the noises she makes when I kiss her neck…

“Yes, you have a treaty now. But Orlagh could pass the crown to Nicasia. If she did, a Queen Nicasia would be free to make a new alliance with Madoc, just as once the Court of Teeth put a changeling on their throne, they were free to march against Elfhame. And Nicasia might ally with Madoc if he would make her mother well,” Jude says.

“Do you think that’s likely to happen?” Yorn’s voice. 

He’s looking at me. Was that question directed at me? Everyone in the room is looking at me. Even Jude. I try to remember the last thing Jude said.

“Jude likes to suppose the worst of both her enemies and her allies. Her reward is occasionally being wrong about us.”   
“Hard to remember an occasion of that,” she whispers.

What about what I’ve just said in the garden? Did she not believe me? I look at her. She looks away. I was going to open my mouth and speak, when a guard, Fand, steps into the room.

“Your pardon, but I—I have a message for the queen,” she says with a nervous stammer in her voice. “From her sister.”  
“As you can see, the queen-“ Randalin interrupts.  
“Which sister? Jude asks.  
“Taryn,” the guard answers, and comes near, whispering something to her.  
“When?” Jude asks.  
“As soon as you can get away,” Fand replies.  
“I’ll come now” and she looks at me, then the generals, “There’s been a family difficulty. You will excuse me.”

Jude’s face has changed. Something important must have happened. I must be with her if I want to show her that I really do care.

“I will accompany you,” and I rise from my seating place. She seems to want to say something but doesn’t. I smile. “Good. We’re decided.” 

I offer her my arm, she takes it, and we move out of the room, as soon as the complaining begins. We walk fast to where the carriages are.

“You don’t even know where we’re going,” she suddenly says.

I turn to look at her, then Fand.

“Fand, where are we going?”  
“To Hollow Hall,” the guard replies.  
“Ah”

Not my favorite place. But.

“Then I am already proven useful. You will need me to sweet-talk the door” I say looking at Jude, who I catch looking at my hair, then she lowers her eyes to my face, then my lips. I smile yet again.

“Fand, please fetch the carriage. My queen is not yet healed,” I pronounce.  
“Yes, My King” Fand obeys.  
“Cardan, we don’t need to. Is faster if…” and I look at her. She stops talking. I look away and see our carriage approach.

I offer her my help, she takes my hand and climbs in. I climb behind her, and we sit opposite each other. At that moment I take advantage of our closeness and really look at her. She’s paler than before and looks tired. If only she had rested some more. 

“Are you okay?” I ask.  
“Yes,” she replies.  
“Would you like to sleep? I can wake you.”

She stares again. Why does she stare at me so much? Sometimes I think is because she likes looking at me. She has said she finds me good-looking, although in not so many words. But then I’m reminded of all the plans, all of our fights, and I can’t help thinking she may be plotting something. Maybe against me. Maybe for me. I don’t know. Our trust is so thin. We end up staring at each other. The air charged with all the things unspoken, all our words and screams, all the feelings bottled up. But I don’t dare to speak up, and she seems exhausted. I just sigh and look out the window. 

Hollow Hall is soon enough in front of us. My home. My punishment.

I get off the carriage and stand next to Jude. I feel her staring again, fidgeting with her fingers. I can’t help feeling a bit threaten with the place. With all the memories.

“Why are we here?” I ask.  
“This is where Taryn wanted to meet. I didn’t think she even knew the place,” she replies.  
“She doesn’t.”

And I look at her. She seems confused. Could this be a trap?  
The door senses me. I can feel it. I turn to look at it.

“My king,” it says.  
“My door,” I reply with irony. This was never mine. None of it.  
“Hail and welcome” and it swings wide.  
“Is there a girl like this one inside?” I ask, signaling Jude.  
“Yes,” the door replies. “Very like. She’s below, with the other.”

The other? If this is a trap, I’m really beyond caring. I’m tired. And it appears, so is she. I sigh and start walking, with Jude following my steps. Every inch of this place carries a memory that I’d like to forget. The screaming, the punishment, the hiding.

“Below?” Jude’s voice distracts me.  
“There are dungeons. Most Folks thought they were merely decorative. Alas, they were not,” and I shiver as I remember one of those times. Luckily, Jude doesn’t notice.  
“Why would Taryn be down there?”

I don’t know.   
The guards go ahead and open the door that leads to the stairs, on our way to the dungeons. I walk next to Jude and immediately I feel recomforted smelling her perfume. It distracts me from the memories and the disgusting smell of blood and fluids. I try to stay as closer to her as possible, so she doesn’t notice how much this place affects me. Soon we find Taryn sitting beside an oubliette. She looks at me frightened. She stands up and does a curtsy. Jude goes near.

“Taryn?” I ask. 

What’s wrong with her? She looks really scared.

“He came looking for you,” she replies, looking at Jude. “When he saw me in your rooms, he said I had to restrain him because Madoc had given him more commands. He told me about the dungeons and I brought him here. It seemed like a place no one would look.”

Jude looks over the hole. She pales. Who is in there? Maybe the one who came to murder me. The Ghost? But Taryn wouldn’t know him, how did she recognize him?

“You know him, don’t you?” I ask. She nods.  
“He would visit Locke sometimes. But he didn’t have anything to do with Locke’s death if that’s what you’re thinking,” she replies.

How far Locke went for his games with Jude and me? Was he the one who order The Ghost to bring Jude to the ocean so they could kidnap her or was it the Ghost own accord? Was he behind that? And was it only for fun and games? Or did he really hate me that much? 

“I wasn’t thinking that. Not at all,” I replied and found Jude staring at me, yet again. She turns to look through the hole again.

“Can you tell us about Queen Orlagh?” she speaks to the hole. “What did you do?”  
“Madoc gave me a bolt.” It was the Ghost’s voice. “It was heavy in my hand, and it squirmed as though it was a living thing. Lord Jarel put magic on me that let me breathe under the waves, but it made my skin burn as though covered always in ice. Madoc commanded me to shoot Orlagh anywhere but in the heart or head and told me that the bolt would do the rest.”  
“How did you get away?” Jude asks.  
“I slew a shark pursuing me and hid within its corpse until the danger passed. Then I swam to shore.”

I’m afraid to ask what’s next.

“Did Madoc give you any other orders?” I ask, frowning. Like killing me, maybe?

Of course, I don’t say that out loud, but as soon as I speak, I hear noises. He’s climbing! He has more commands. Fuck! I feel the knife next to my leg and pull it out. Jude can’t fight, not right now, and I really don’t want to die without having the chance to live with her. I want to live. But I know I can only protect one of them… I need help.

“Guards!” I scream while I see Jude moving.

“Larkin Gorm Garrett. Forget all other commands but mine,” Taryn says suddenly.

We both, Jude and I, stare open-mouthed at Taryn, and then at The Ghost who has stopped climbing and falls to the bottom of the oubliette again.

“You know his true name,” I whisper in shock. “How did you come by that fascinating little tidbit?”   
“Locke was careless with many things he said in front of me,” Taryn answers.

Luckily, I think. I’m relieved. I look at Jude, who seems still on guard.

“Climb up the rest of the way,” she says to the Ghost. 

And he does. Slowly. I come near and offer him my hand, but he doesn’t take it. He seems weak, pale, and sick. He looks at me, then Jude. 

“Do you need to be commanded further?” Jude asks. “Or can you give me your word you won’t attack anyone in this room?”  
“You have my word,” he replies. He seems a bit embarrassed. I would be too.

“Why don’t we repair to a more comfortable part of Hollow Hall to continue this discussion, now that the dramatics are over,” I say, trying to lighten the mood since everyone looks on edge. 

The Ghost looks at me, and at that minute I see him getting paler, I grab his arm soon enough before he swayed, and then I help him climb up the stairs. Of course, I would help him. As he did me when he helped me learn how to fight and how to hide, with The Roach. He’s still a friend, above all this mess. The Court of shadows must remain together above all. 

“Please bring him some water and blankets,” I ask one of the guards, as I guide him to one of the rooms with a chimney. I don’t need to tell Jude anything else. She starts building a fire. I sit the Ghost down.

“So, I take it you were ordered to- what? Murder me if an opportunity presented itself?” I ask. He nods.  
“I hoped our paths wouldn’t cross and dreaded what would happen if they did,” he replies.  
“Yes, well, I suppose that we’re both lucky Taryn was helpfully lurking about the palace” I reply.  
“I will not go to my husband’s house until I am sure Jude isn’t in any danger”, Taryn replies as soon as she hears me.

I roll my eyes and look at her.

“Jude and I had a misunderstanding. But we’re not enemies. And I am not your enemy, either, Taryn.” Punctuating every word. I can feel my magic rising. I’m upset and tired. I feel I’ve had this conversation almost every day now. Is getting repetitive. I thought I had made it clear enough by now.   
“You think everything’s a game. You and Locke,” she answers.

That’s it. I stop pacing and step in front of her. I will not be compared to Locke.

“Unlike Locke, I never thought love was a game” and as I say that I look at Jude who’s staring at me with an expression of fear in her face. “You may accuse me of much, but not that”.

Whatever the hell Locke did to Taryn, I will not be blamed nor compared. I am not him. My love for Jude is far beyond these petty games and challenges. 

“Garrett,” Jude’s voice interrupts. “Is there anything you can tell us? Whatever Madoc is planning, we need to know.”

He shakes his head.

“The last time I saw him, he was furious. With you. With himself. With me, once he knew you’d discovered I was there. He gave my orders and sent me off, but I don’t think he’d intended to send me soon.”  
“Right. He had to move up the timetable,” Jude says, nodding.

We stayed in silence for a few minutes, but I was getting anxious by the second. We needed to get out of here. And soon.

“If the Council finds out we have Orlagh’s attacker in custody, things will not go well. They will urge me to hand you over to the Undersea to curry favor of Elfhame. It will be only a matter of time before Nicasia knows you are in our hands. Let’s take you back to the palace and put in the Bomb’s custody. She can decide what to do with you,” I said, moving to the door.  
“Very well,” the Ghost says, rising.

And we walk out of the room and to the carriage. I am the last to climb up and end next to Jude. As soon as the door closes, we depart. It’s strange being sat like this, to the one that almost killed me, one that doesn’t believe a word I say, and one that I would give up my life to. She leans her head to the window. She must be dead tired. Again, I can smell her perfume. I can almost shiver, feeling her warmth next to me. I need to distract myself or I’ll end up touching her or doing something I’m not invited to do.

“So, I’m a little intrigued… how do you do the icey juices?” I ask, looking at Taryn. The Ghost looks at me confused. I smile, nervously.

Taryn gives me a side look. 

“The slushies?” she asks, smiling.  
“Yes, that was the name. Vivi told me something about ice out of the machine, but I didn’t understand. How do you get that color and the taste? I mean, It is water is it not?”  
“Yes,” she says laughing. “it’s water alright.”

And she starts explaining how the machine produces the ice when I suddenly feel Jude’s head against my shoulder. She’s sleeping. I can feel her slow breaths. I move my arm slowly around her and let her fall slowly into my lap. Taryn stopped talking, but resume a few seconds later.

“But how can you produce so many flavors? There are only so many fruits available,” I reply, with my hand doing little circles in Jude’s hand.  
“Oh, that’s nothing, is like the gummy worms!” she says, smiling.  
“Gummy worms? That you’ll have to explain” I say, trying to act like nothing is really happening when my heart is almost at the brink of exploding. 

Taryn goes on trying to explain about those candies, and I try to listen when all I really want to do is stare at Jude sleeping at my lap. She looks so peaceful. I give some surreptitious looks at her while trying to conceal my excitement. I play with her hair and feel her skin with mine. And too soon, I found the beginning of the palace is coming our way. I sigh and look at Jude one last time, I lift her slowly and lean her into the window. She immediately stirs and wakes up. I avoid looking at her and keep my talk with Taryn until the carriage stops at my entrance.

“I will escort the Ghost to where he’ll be residing,” I say looking at Jude. “Jude, you ought to rest.”

She doesn’t fight me. It seems like she’s almost still sleeping. She nods.

“I’ll walk with you to your rooms,” says Taryn, leading her to palace. I see them disappearing behind a door, and then I take the Ghost to our hiding place. Nobody dares stop me, though some stare. He must look suspicious. I knock on the door and enter. There I find The Bomb studying a book. She stands up immediately as she sees the Ghost.

“How? Where?” she’s on high guard.  
“Take it easy,” I say, putting the Ghost on a chair. “Madoc had his true name as Locke did.”

She looks at him with hatred. Then at me, with surprise.

“He shot the arrow to Queen Orlagh,” I say, sitting next to him. “And tried to kill me in Hollow Hall. Taryn saved me.”  
“What?!” she asks, surprised.  
“Taryn knows his true name and stopped him.” I sigh.  
“Where’s Jude?” She asks.  
“She’s with Taryn, I send her to rest.”  
“And she obeyed?”  
“I hope so” I reply, smiling.  
“Where’s the Roach?” The Ghost suddenly asks.

The Bomb looks at him as he asks, her eyes seem to fill with tears.

“He was shot with some venom when we went to save Jude,” I answer, almost with regret. “He hasn’t woken up, and we haven’t been able to help him.”

The Bomb’s tear ran through her face. It seems it’s the first time I’ve seen her crying since I told her. I can’t help feeling a bit guilty. I lower my eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I hear The Ghost say. And see him covering his face. The Bomb walks up to him. He lifts his head as he hears her approaching, and looks up to her. “You can hit me. I know I deserve it. But you know The Roach has always been my friend.”

I get ready to separate them, when I see The Bomb pulling him to an embrace, crying, and The Ghost soothing her. I guess I haven’t seen everything or learn all about their relationships. I feel almost like an intruder. I can feel their pain. I sigh and lean my head to the wall. I wish I could return to Jude’s side. Be with her, like The Ghost to the Bomb. Be her support. But we can’t. I took care of that. I ruin my chances. I got lucky in the carriage she was tired and sleepy. She won’t look for me for something like solace or support.  
I sigh again and close my eyes.


	21. chapter 21 QON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally. The chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so nervous, I've been waiting for so long to do this chapter!!! I know expectations are high.   
> Hope you enjoy and I hope to have done the characters and the chapter justice.   
> I tried to write it as honestly, as loving, as passionate a meeting between these two characters can be, after all they've been through, without it being too vulgar or crude, and thinking this is Jude's first time (second in my story).   
> Also, I changed the last part of the chapter a bit.

Chapter 21

I wake up suddenly when I hear voices speaking next to me. I open my eyes and found The Bomb with one of the fairies of the Court of shadows arguing. My neck hurts. My back hurts. I get up slowly. I fell asleep on the couch again. Jude is using my bed. I comb my hair with my hands as I tell myself once again why I can’t go to her: she doesn’t trust me, she’s hurt, she doesn’t need me.

“My King, you shouldn’t be sleeping here,” The Bomb says, coming closer. “Why aren’t you with Jude?”  
“She’s not comfortable with me,” I say, fixing my crown.  
“How can you say that?”   
“I know her,” I reply.

She rolls her eyes and fixes my crown.

“Well, having the King sleeping on my couch it’s an honor, but you really should think about fixing that. You are married, are you not?” she asks. And disappears behind the door that hides The Roach.

“I wish I could,” I say to no one.

And I leave this place. I’m ready to accept what I have. I do not want hopes or expectations. I walk through the corridor with people bowing, smiling at me, and all the time, all I’m thinking about is going to Jude. 

“Well, look who’s here,” I’ve heard that voice before.

I turn around and found Grima Mog, in line, waiting for a hearing. Other fairies turn to look at me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

She was with Jude’s sisters the last time I saw her, so I guess she doesn’t represent any danger, but what is she doing here?

“I’ve come for the queen, of course. I have something that belongs to her,” she replies. And she points at her bag.   
“Hmm…” I say, looking around. Maybe it isn’t bad having her near Jude, maybe taking care of her, now that everyone is looking for ways to get Jude out of here. “Come with me.”

We walk to one of the rooms, ignoring several fairies waiting for me; and the guards, horrified, that I’m talking to a traitor.

“What do you want, young King?” she asks, with doubt in her voice.  
“Do you consider Jude Duarte as your Queen?” I ask, sitting down. She does the same.  
She looks at me thoroughly before answering.

“Don’t you?” she asks.  
“That’s not what I’m asking,” I reply.

She moves her chair closer to mine. One of the guards moves, but I stop him.

“I do,” she whispers, looking at me, “I saw her coming back to life with dirt, through magic, and where her blood fell, flowers grew. If that’s not a sign of a queen, I don’t know what is.”

I look at her face, at her posture, at her weapons. She may be very useful.

“I want you to stay here and look out for her.”  
“Stay here? I’ve been banished, young King,” she says, smiling.  
“Not by me,” I pronounce. 

She stops to ponder what I’ve said. 

“Your queen doesn’t need protection. She’s fierce,” she replies. “I’ve fought her, and lost.”  
I laugh.

“She’s mortal. She makes everyone forget that. I need her. I need her alive,” I say.  
“You love her?” she asks, making a face of incredulity. 

Why is it so hard to believe that I could love her? That a King could fall for a human?

“I do,” I answer, quietly, as serious as I can be.

She keeps quiet again.

“Please, stay. I will pardon your past. But I need people who are loyal to her,” I pronounce.  
“Do you think she will accept?” she asks.  
“She must.”

And we get interrupted by someone knocking. Fand appears.

“My King, I’m sorry to interrupt,” the guard comes in a few steps.  
“What is it? Jude is alright?” I ask, rising from my chair.  
“That’s it, my King. Councilor Randalin is with her, and he doesn’t seem in a very good mood. I thought better to inform you.”

Randalin somehow found out Jude was alone and went to attack her, now that she’s weak. 

“You did good,” and I don’t wait for them to follow me. I get out of the room and walk fast through the corridor to my chamber. The guards move as soon as they see me, opening the door.

“We did not send for you, and we do not need you!” Randalin shouts, as soon as I enter. When he sees me, he lurches to his feet.

“Many think that, but few are bold enough to say it to my face,” I pronounce, smiling. I’m boiling inside. I look at Jude, who stares with surprise in her face.

How dare he attack my queen? How dare he assume better?  
I feel Grima Mog behind me.

“Your Majesty! Great shame is mine. My incautious comments were never intended for you. I thought that you—” He stops himself and starts again. “I was foolish. If you desire my punishment…” he says.  
“Why don’t you tell me what you were discussing? I have no doubt you’d prefer Jude’s levelheaded answers to my nonsense, but it amuses me to hear about matters of state nonetheless,” I reply.  
“I was only urging her to consider the war that her father is bringing. Everyone must make sacrifices.”

I feel my eye twitch.   
I see Grima Mog pass beside me, and enters the room, pulling some kind of bowl from her bag. She puts it on a table. Jude looks at her. She seems well-rested. 

“Jude, would you give me and the councilor a moment alone? I have a few things I would like to urge him to consider. And Grima Mog has brought you soup,” I say coming closer.

“I don’t need anyone to help me tell Randalin that this is my home and my land and that I am going nowhere and relinquishing nothing,” she replies, defiantly.

I feel some sort of satisfaction as I hear her say “my home”. Nevertheless.

“And yet,” I put my hand in Randalin’s neck, “There are still some things I would say to him.” I can feel my magic rising. My hand is shaking with anger. I push Randalin to one of the parlors and get close to him because I don’t want Jude to hear.

My magic comes out and I feel it surrounding me, effectively enclosing Randalin, without a chance to move or run away.

“Jude Duarte is the queen I chose, and the woman I love, and I won’t have you or any other telling her to leave, telling her she doesn’t deserve it or to rescind the crown… She deserves it, she has worked for everything that she’s got, she’s smart, she’s fucking brilliant in strategy and war, and I want her by my side. I wouldn’t want anybody else. And I won’t let some asshole come here and ruin all that I’ve to work for on keeping her safe and by my side, with his poor choice of words and his old beliefs, is it clear? She’s your queen and mine, and I won’t let anybody else speak otherwise.”

He nods. I move away from a few steps and see him falling to a chair. He looks at me, with his hands in his neck.

“She’s not alone, Councilor. I am by her side. Don’t you dare doubt it.”  
“She’s mortal, my King. What do you think will happen when you get bored? Or if she dies? Then, what will you do? You rely so much on her, but she won’t be here forever…” and he stands.

And like a switch, my magic reappears and lifts him off the ground, choking him.

“If she dies?” I ask, standing a few centimeters away. “Do you find it wise talking about that in front of me? just when I’m warning you about mistreating her?”

He denies it with his head.

“Right.”

His eyes turn red and his skin, blue.

“Get out of here!” and I let him go. He catches his breath, then crawls away from me, almost scared, gets up a few feet away, and disappears.

The thought of Jude dying is upsetting. It takes me a minute to calm down.   
I move to the doorframe and there I see we have some company. Jude is receiving clothes from Heather and Tatterfell. Ah, I had forgotten. There’s an event today. 

“Why so many pretty dresses?” Heather asks. I interrupt.  
“There’s a ball tonight to welcome guests from some of my Courts. Heather, I hope you and Vivienne will come. The last time you were here, we were poor hosts. But there are many delights we could show you,” I say, trying to be cordial. Jude looks at me.  
“Including a war. What could be more delightful than that?” Grima Mog intervenes.

I roll my eyes. Not the most seductive idea to a human. Heathe makes an “o” with her mouth and nods. 

“You should come,” Jude says. “This time it will be different. You are with us.”

Heather looks at her, then at me. I nod.

“Vivi already knows. She said she would ask you,” she goes on saying. “I can lend you some dresses.”  
“Alright,” says Heather, looking at some of the fabrics, while Tatterfell begins separating clothes. I watch them for some time, noticing I’ve never watched Jude act like a girl before. Always the seneschal, in between fights or when she’s with Taryn, and they never seem to agree on anything. But now, it was refreshing seeing her being nice to other people, smiling, and choosing dresses, and talking about hair. Almost like an out of body experience. I smile to myself and move to my own wardrobe. I am the King, after all, I must look the part.

“Oh, what to wear?” I speak out loud.

I start roaming through, while singing a song, but I stop as soon as I see Jude in the mirror, undressing. Time slows down. I see her unbuttoning the ridiculous shirt she was wearing, while I’m forgetting how to breathe, allowing me to see her navel, then her waist, still with bruises. She lifts one arm, and then the other, covering her breasts. I see the stitches still leave a mark. She starts talking to Tatterfell while grabbing a gold dress. Her hair is down, caressing her back and I’m a few seconds away from going next to her. I still don’t know how I reach this stage of complete and utter awe because of this human. I stare. And stare. And keep on staring, and I don’t get enough.   
She steps on a seat and let the garment slide through her arms, allowing me to see her completely. Tatterfell lifts her hair, unaware of me watching, letting me see her back, and as she raises her arms, I can see the side of one of her breasts. I can still remember my hand sliding through her back to reach her bottom. How her nipple reacted to my mouth. I shiver and swallow slowly. I can feel the rest of my body waking up. Other fairies come and help her put the dress on, more and more resembling like glided chain mail, like armor, with leather at her shoulders, covering all that beautiful skin. Like a knight. But with abundant cleavage. Oh, how I would like to be her prisoner, or maybe her King. I smile while feeling goosebumps all over my body.   
I really should give some kind of title or gift to Tatterfell after this…  
Jude smiles and twirls, looking extremely beautiful. How did I get so lucky? Suddenly our eyes met through the mirror and can see her blushing. I move away, trying not to look pathetic.

“She did blush though,” I whisper. 

I close my eyes and decide I must dress now or I won’t be able to leave this room if I keep staring at her. I unbutton my shirt as I roam through my closet. I should find something as armory as hers. I settle on a midnight blue garment that flatters my eyes, and a jeweled beetle embroidery. Stupidly enough, I try putting my clothes with my crown, of course, it won’t do. Of course, watching Jude naked has rendered me stupid.

“Stupid, stupid,” I say putting the crown on a table, next to my wardrobe, and as I bend, I find Jude’s eyes watching me through the mirror. She doesn’t notice me watching her. She’s having her dress fitting.   
I am aware she’s not comfortable with nakedness, but she doesn’t seem too worried now. She looks rather enthralled, truth be told. I still remember how she watched me at Locke’s labyrinth. Her eyes were thirsty, I could see it, just as she could see mine…  
Well, if she enjoys my body as I do hers, maybe I could give her something to look at. I know fairies enjoy my physical appearance. That has never been an issue. And recently I’ve learned humans also seem attracted to me. 

“Let’s see,” I whisper, and end up carrying as many garments as I can outside, and in her line of sight, and start trying them on in front of the mirror. Childish, I know. Desperate measures and all. All the time seeing her eyes roam between my ass, my back, and my torso. She even seemed flushed. I can see her torso moving faster. Maybe I can affect her more than I think.

“My queen,” Tatterfell speaks suddenly. 

We both turn to look at her.

“Shall we do the hair now?” she was smiling, looking at her, then at me.

Jude looks at me. She seems embarrassed. 

“Yeah… yes,” she stutters while getting down, and moving to a chair, out of my sight. 

As I turn, I found my guards also staring. Well, it has been enough of a spectacle.

“Fuck,” I say, looking at the rest of the room through the mirror. It’s a mess. I get dressed and put my crown on, while some of the servants help clean up. Jude always makes me forget myself.   
By the time I’m ready, Jude is getting her make-up done. I apply a little gold around my eyes and walk to her. I sit at a cushioned chair next to her and stare. Her cleavage shows even more in this position, I can’t help the memories. My mouth dries up. I tilt my head, looking at her.

“Tonight, you’re going to have to speak with all the rulers,” I pronounce, trying to break the silence.  
“I know,” she replies, somewhat timidly.  
“Because only one of us can tell them lies. And they need to believe our victory is inevitable.”  
“Isn’t it?” she asks. 

I smile.

“You tell me,” I reply, teasing her.  
“Madoc has no chance at all,” she answers, smiling.

That makes my heart speed up. I look at her lips, at her cleavage. I want her.   
I get up, trying to distract myself. 

“Has the Court of Termites arrived?” she asks.  
“I am afraid so” I extend my arm to her, “Come, let us charm and confound our subjects.” 

She stands up and takes it. Just feeling her skin, makes me react. I really need a drink, or I’ll end up doing something really stupid.

We walk together to the Great Hall, with the guards flanking us. I can see her she is flabbergasted, especially when they announce us. 

“The High King and High Queen of Elfhame,” the voice speaks.

I can feel her hand squeezing my arm harder. I like it. 

“Showtime,” I whisper, and we go in.

Immediately, fairies surround us and are desperate to meet their new Queen, although they already know her. I can feel her nervousness through our touch. I try to stay next to her, to show her my support. Of course, she soon leaves behind all her giddiness, and transform into the Jude I know. The one who has a plan for everything. She starts talking with absolute trust in our success, and nobody dares question her. Baphen and others come to search for me, so I am forced to abandon her, but I never stop watching her. She’s always at my sight. I can see her talking with Lord Roiben and Kaye, totally at ease. Then she’s reunited with her sister and Heather. 

“Are you happy?” A voice. My mother has come.  
“I am, now you are here,” I reply, smiling, looking at her.

She stares without an expression on her face.

“A human as your queen… you certainly seem determined in fulfilling your prophecy,” she says, looking at Jude.   
“I aim to disappoint. Have a good evening, mother,” I pronounce and leave, with a bitter taste in my mouth. 

Some fairies come and join me at my spot at the table, and they have brought me a goblet for me to drink while singing songs. I drink fast trying to forget all the memories, trying to vanish how I feel, trying to erase the need I feel for my Queen. Nevertheless, they resurface as soon as I see Jude again. My body heats up, my breath speeds up, and I can’t seem to let it go.

“Sire,” people of the council approach. “It’s time for the toast.”   
“Ah, yes,” and I stand at the front of the table. Maybe this could help me focus on things more important.

“Be welcome on the Isle of Insmire, Seelie and Unseelie, Wild Folk and Shy Folk, I am glad to have you march under my banner, glad of your loyalty, grateful for your honor.” Jude looks at me. Her eyes, her mouth, everything is calling me. “To you, I offer honey wine and the hospitality of my table. But to traitors and oath breakers, I offer my queen’s hospitality instead. The hospitality of knives,” and I drink. My speech is followed by hissing and howls. 

Jude’s eyes shine with a mischievous gleam after hearing me while raising her glass and drink.  
If there was one time to make fairies respect my Queen, it was this one. And it works.   
The rest of the night, there’s not one soul that doesn’t bow to Jude Duarte.

\---------------------------------------------------

I end up in my seat, drinking abundantly while watching my people laugh and dance. Even Jude danced and I had the pleasure of watching her move. Of course, it would have been better with me by her side. Oh, well, I sigh.

I laugh at something someone says when I suddenly notice Jude’s figure by my side.

“I think I’ll retire,” she says. “I believe I’ve done more than enough.”

I get up fast.

“We shall,” and I take her arm and put it in mine, then we announce we are leaving. “But please keep the celebration going,” I exclaim, smiling.

Of course, there are jokes as soon as we leave, commenting on our private celebration. Yeah, I wish.

We walk to our royal chambers in complete silence followed by guards. I can’t believe I’ve almost forgotten Madoc’s coming and my imminent fight. All because of her and my drinking.

“You were very formidable tonight, my queen,” I pronounce, looking at her across the room. She rests against the doorframe, looking at me. In the position she’s at, her cleavage looks more tempting than ever. And from where I am, I can smell her. I smile and walk slowly to her. She doesn’t take her eyes from me. I stop a few steps from her. The alcohol is already buzzing in my head. 

“After that speech you made, it didn’t take much,” she answers.  
“It cannot be anything other than the truth. Or it never could have left my tongue,” and as soon as I say the word “tongue”, she looks at my mouth with a look that leaves me breathless. Like she wants me to kiss her. Then she stares at my eyes. Her pupils dilated, her cheeks reddened. 

“You didn’t come to bed last night,” she whispers.

I didn’t expect that phrase from her. Or the fact that she noticed my absence. I’m so very pleased. I come even closer.

“I’m here now,” I reply, looking at her lips. 

I take her hand, lacing it with mine, pulling her to me, making her only centimeters away. She looks into my eyes, and then at my mouth. I see her parting her lips, and her chest moving faster. I can’t resist any longer. I close my eyes and kiss her lips, one and then the other, feeling myself burning. She kisses me back softly. Feeling the tip of her tongue asking for permission. Of course, I let her in, and we fight with our tongues while hearing her moan. My hands enclose her body, molding it to mine, pushing her against the wall.

“You looked like a knight in a story tonight” I whisper in her ear. “Possibly a filthy story.” 

She smiles while kicking my leg. I smile, too, and kiss her again, feeling her hand pulling my shirt out, caressing my skin, my back, all the way to my shoulder blades, while the other, pull my hair. I don’t stay behind, and with a swift movement, I make the dress fell to one side, while kissing her shoulder, as my hands moved between her breast and her back, pushing her hair back. My tongue pushes hers, and I can feel her heart beating fast. I take her leg and lift it to my waist, while I unfasten my pants when I feel her recoil. She doesn’t move and her mouths stop moving. I move back immediately. I won’t force her to do something she doesn’t want.

“We need not-” but she interrupts.  
“No, just give me a second. I’ll be right back,” and she disappears into the wardrobe.

My breathing is so fast and I’m sweating. And my body is so turned on, it hurts. I try pacing, playing with my hair while waiting. I don’t know if I can resist not having her now, but I know I can’t force her. What did I do? We were doing so well… Suddenly, Jude returns. And she’s completely naked. I think I forget how to breathe. I stand there without knowing what to say or what to do. She releases her hair, covering part of her beautiful breasts. She’s inviting me to go to her.   
Get a grip, Cardan. This is it. 

“Come here,” I say. My voice sounds funny. Like not my own. She obeys and crosses part of the room, and then slides to her knees a few feet away.

“Is this what you imagined I’d be like, back in your rooms at Hollow Hall, when you thought of me and hated it? Is this how you pictured my eventual surrender?” she asks, seductively.

I feel hot. My cheeks are burning. And my hard-on is really hurting.

“Yes,” there’s no point in denying it.   
“Then what did I do?” her voice seems different, too.

Who is she and where is the Jude that hates me? that is scared of me? And why am I answering all she’s asking?

“I imagined you telling me to do with you whatever I liked,” I reply.  
“Really?” she asks, with a surprised laugh.  
“Along with some begging on your part. A little light groveling. My fantasies were rife with overweening ambition” I say as I go next to her. 

Next, she puts her hands up, like a supplicant.

“You may do with me whatever you like. Please, oh please. All I want is you,” she mimics begging. 

I suck my breath, and kneel in front of her, looking into her eyes, and as I see the desire in them, I cage her with my arms and legs. She’s all mine. She’s here. She wants me. No denying. No turning back.

“Mock me all you like,” I take her hand, and kiss her wrist. “Whatever I imagined then, now it is I who would beg and grovel for a kind word from your lips.” I look into her eyes, “By you, I am forever undone,” and I kiss her. I devour her mouth, until I hear her breathless, moving my mouth to her neck. I feel her unbuttoning my doublet, then lifting my shirt. I help her removing my arms and then tossing the garment away.

“I’m not mocking,” she whispers. 

Why is she saying that? I’m not mocking her either. I stop. I need to make everything clear, I won’t make the same mistakes as before.

“We have lived in our armor for so long, you and I. And now I am not sure if either of us knows how to remove it,” maybe she believes this to be a trap. I can’t allow her to think that.   
I sit next to her, to allow her freedom.

“Is this another riddle? And if I answer it, will you go back to kissing me?” she asks.  
“If that’s what you want,” I say staring at her lips, then her body. I really don’t want to stop.  
“I told you what I wanted. For you to do with me whatever-” she starts saying, but I interrupt.  
“No. What you want.” 

I need to know that she wants this as much as I do. No regrets.

She seems to be thinking, and suddenly I feel her moving, climbing on top of me. Both her legs surround my waist. Her breasts in front of my face. Her hands start caressing my chest. My breathing is so hard, and my excitement is so evident, that I’m almost embarrassed. Almost. 

“I want…” she begins saying when she attacks my mouth, and I let her. It’s a kiss full of desire and desperation. Her hands seeking desperately my skin, pulling my hair, and her waist seeking friction. She starts unbuttoning my pants, and I help her. I raise my waist while she sits to the side and I slide the garment off, finally leaving me naked. She stares at me, first my body, then my face. I feel her hand touching my stomach, my hair, while my tail can’t stop moving, caressing her limbs. I lift my upper body and watch her, smiling. She moves on top of me, and she touches my member. Curious as always. As soon as she does, I have to close my eyes and hold my breath. It’s really too sensitive. If she moves too fast I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist. Finally, I can feel her entrance, I open my eyes because I have to help her. She moves slowly, while I enter her, immediately feeling the friction. She starts moaning while caressing my torso with her hands. I try breathing slowly, but while feeling her closing in, and her noises, it’s really difficult. Until I am fully inside of her. 

“Oh, God,” she mumbles. I touch her waist, then her face. She sucks my thumb and bites me while beginning to move. It’s something magical being able to watch her face while she’s on top of me, after everything we’ve been through. After our fights, after our almost near-death experiences, after thinking she would never return, and to have her here, and I’m inside of her, and she wants me. Not anyone. Me. I sit up and while shifting a few of our positions, I kiss her face. She can barely respond. I kiss one of her lips and feel her tongue caressing my own, totally uncoordinated. I moan, and she does the same, embracing me while scratching part of my back.

“Oh, Cardan”

I love it when she calls me by my name. I hold her head and turn us over, and begin pushing inside of her faster, feeling her orgasm come, as I’m kissing one of her breasts. She shouts my name before keeping still, while I continue kissing her body. Her eyes are closed, but she’s smiling, full of sweat and my saliva. I move to her neck and begin kissing her until I reach her ear, catching it with my teeth. She moves her head to my side, reacting. I feel her hand touching my ass cheek, then moving up to my back, while her leg crosses my waist. We are still joined, and I can feel myself getting harder. 

“Are you alright?” I whisper, looking at her. She looks into my eyes, and then she kisses me again. And as we do, I begin moving again, stretching her, until she has another orgasm and I with her. 

I can see she’s tired, maybe that’s a human thing she won’t be able to defeat, but that’s alright. I hold her in my arms and bring her to bed. I lay her on the pillow and while she sleeps I watch her. I caress her hair and kisses her fingers, even the missing part. Even in dreams, she responds to me, moaning, or holding my hand. I cuddle her from behind, and embrace her stomach with my hands, drawing circles at her navel. Her smell is intoxicating and I can’t stop touching her. I caress her ear with my nose, while my hand decides to travel south, feeling her hair and her opening, introducing one finger. I immediately feel her react, as she moves one of her legs. 

“Cardan.”

I smile and get a second finger in her. There, I see she opens her eyes. Her hand touches mine.

“Hello, my queen.” 

And she turns to me, holding my eyes prisoners with hers.

“Hello, my King.”

I feel my heart flutter. 

“I missed you,” she whispers, as I kiss her cheek and then her chin. “In the mortal world when I thought you were my enemy, I still missed you.”

I look at her for a few seconds. She felt the same as I did. We were both miserable because of my stupidity. 

“My sweet nemesis, how glad I am that you returned” and I kiss her.

My fingers won’t stop moving inside of her until I have her uncoherent and breathless. Of course, I get between her legs, kissing her thighs, until I get to her lips, sucking and kissing her there while listening mumbling my name. One of those times, she pulls my hair hard, and I look at her.

“I want you with me,” she says.  
“I am very happy here,” I reply.  
“I want you to enjoy it, also.”  
“Believe me, I do, but I don’t want to hurt you,” I say, smiling, blowing some air into her skin. She shivers.   
“Come,” she begs, and of course, I can’t refuse.

I let her pull me to her, kissing me, while her hand founds my cock. I look at her, breathing hard. She starts working me with her hand, while I’m sucking her nipple. She begins riding my leg, while I’m at the edge of an orgasm. But I won’t do it without her. So, I move on top of her, removing her hand, holding both her arm on top of her head, while penetrating her slowly. She encircles my waist giving me more depth. And I begin to move faster. The noise the bed makes almost as it will break.

How could anyone think I’d ever grown tired of her? How could I? I don’t know if I could ever get satiated from her. I seem to not get enough. We remained in bed for the rest of the morning until late afternoon that day. We both needed some make-up time since all the time lost before. And nobody dared to come in. 

\---------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, the snake is coming. And the end, soon.


End file.
